DON'T POKE THE BEAST!
Showing posts with label randomness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label randomness. Show all posts
Friday, October 4, 2013
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
I might be crazy...
I always get my most well-thought out blog post material when I'm taking a shower. It's a strange thing that happens one time too often wherein my thoughts will start to stray sporadically until I get hooked on a specific subject.
Say, for instance, I was thinking about the Asian television I've been watching recently... and POOF! Now I've got a possible blog post to write about to end the long hiatus over in dramaland's blog. (See the linkies on the side panel, as I am too lazy to hyperlink in the post right now.) I even came up with a title for that blog post: Drama Bites. My plan had been to detail several drama series I've been watching lately and how the Asian drama world has been picking up (finally!). But, of course, as soon as I get out of the shower, those thoughts are gone and my next line of thought started at the top of this particular post entry.
This happens a lot. A few days ago, I think I had an idea to write about what kinds of books draw me in as a reader. I even had an entire paragraph thought up as an introductory. Something about genres and character interaction and witty humor and how even though I'm a hopeless romantic, a lot of my favorite books happen to put the romances in a back seat light... and other stuff like that. And then the moment I sat down, I got distracted (ooh, something shiny!) and ended up playing Candy Crush on Facebook or something like that (my memory might be a little worse than goldfish level sometimes when it comes to mundane and boring activities).
Anyway, this brings me to something I said to myself aloud only moments ago. "I wonder if I should start recording my thoughts aloud... like with a voice recorder..." I honestly really thought about that. And as suggestive as the entire scenario sounds (recording my shower sessions), it's really not as exciting and more about my own OCD when it comes to writing material. If I dictated all of my thought aloud and had them recorded, would that help me remember my thoughts better and plan blog posts more accordingly?
Because, to be totally honest, I've already had two different revelations of how I wanted to write up my Raven Boys review, and yet both times, those perfectly formulated thoughts would disappear as soon as I get to my desk. It's a little annoying since that review is long overdue and the next book will be released in about a month (give or take), and I would hate to be scrambling for a half-assed review two nights before I start reading The Dream Thieves.
Sigh... Me and my first world problems would make everyone out there laugh, right?
Yeah, I might just be a little crazy.
Say, for instance, I was thinking about the Asian television I've been watching recently... and POOF! Now I've got a possible blog post to write about to end the long hiatus over in dramaland's blog. (See the linkies on the side panel, as I am too lazy to hyperlink in the post right now.) I even came up with a title for that blog post: Drama Bites. My plan had been to detail several drama series I've been watching lately and how the Asian drama world has been picking up (finally!). But, of course, as soon as I get out of the shower, those thoughts are gone and my next line of thought started at the top of this particular post entry.
This happens a lot. A few days ago, I think I had an idea to write about what kinds of books draw me in as a reader. I even had an entire paragraph thought up as an introductory. Something about genres and character interaction and witty humor and how even though I'm a hopeless romantic, a lot of my favorite books happen to put the romances in a back seat light... and other stuff like that. And then the moment I sat down, I got distracted (ooh, something shiny!) and ended up playing Candy Crush on Facebook or something like that (my memory might be a little worse than goldfish level sometimes when it comes to mundane and boring activities).
Anyway, this brings me to something I said to myself aloud only moments ago. "I wonder if I should start recording my thoughts aloud... like with a voice recorder..." I honestly really thought about that. And as suggestive as the entire scenario sounds (recording my shower sessions), it's really not as exciting and more about my own OCD when it comes to writing material. If I dictated all of my thought aloud and had them recorded, would that help me remember my thoughts better and plan blog posts more accordingly?
Because, to be totally honest, I've already had two different revelations of how I wanted to write up my Raven Boys review, and yet both times, those perfectly formulated thoughts would disappear as soon as I get to my desk. It's a little annoying since that review is long overdue and the next book will be released in about a month (give or take), and I would hate to be scrambling for a half-assed review two nights before I start reading The Dream Thieves.
Sigh... Me and my first world problems would make everyone out there laugh, right?
Yeah, I might just be a little crazy.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Friday, December 16, 2011
Oh, the holiday cheer (or lack thereof)
I've come to the conclusion that the holidays are some of the most depressing times in the entire year. Or I could just be a regularly boring and depressing person. It's hard to say what comes first: my own sense of melancholy or a lonely imitation of holiday highs. Either way, ever since a few years back, I've begun to associate the holidays (subconsciously) with a melancholic loneliness; maybe it was about two or three years ago that I began to acknowledge this fact. When did it actually start that I stopped caring about the holiday season?
Who knows?
Returning to some old journal entries and blog posts for Decembers in the past, I've come to find that my thoughts never stray too far from melodramatic woes. There are some specific common factors that even accompany these low moments, on repeat: 1) angry holiday shopping and shoving and cursing and more shoving; 2) unexplained bipolar tendencies wherein I go from excited about one moment only to follow through almost too quickly with a sudden low that makes my heart hurt; 3) the resentment I hold towards people around me (in general) and also towards my older brother (mainly) for the fact that I've made myself into an outcast; and finally, 4) a strange regret that I can't find any reason to be excited about the holiday seasons anymore, and because of that, I'm sad about it.
Life does amusing things to your head once you start thinking too hard. And then even happy thoughts can lead to hypothetical "What if I disappeared from this world tomorrow? Who would care?" questions. Where do I stand in this life time with all of my friends and all of my family? Where do I stand with myself? What do I want? What DO I want?
What do I want?
A little research into the past didn't quite clear up my curiosities. I wanted to see when it was that I actually stopped caring about the holidays. It turns out that nowhere do I make mention about anything to do with my melancholy during the holidays. I talk about a lot of other things I'm preoccupied with such as books (mainly Harry Potter, apparently), upcoming tests, upcoming holiday vacations and the like. And then there's a lull from 2005 until 2007 when either I just didn't feel motivated to write or I didn't have time. And then, in a private journal entry in 2007, I think I make the connection for the first time that Christmas just doesn't feel like Christmas of my childhood anymore.
What happened in 2007? Where did that revelation come from? Did I already feel this way before then and just didn't realize it? Or was that feeling just never written down on paper because I never had the time for private journal mutterings?
I'm having snippet flash backs of a possible connection to Faith Hill's "Where Are You Christmas?" that might have catalyzed my "holiday emo" era. The song is quite depressing until you get the last verse where it finally picks back up when she "finds Christmas" again. But you're already put into a jaded mood from the beginning of the song. This would put my issues back into high school in the year 2000. So it's not right, because back then (as I am slightly today) I was a big drama queen and overdid EVERYTHING. Maybe there was carry-over and I just didn't realize it.
And then college came around the corner and I didn't have the time to think about Christmas losing its magic for me.
So apparently going back and looking at old histories of "The Life of Ani" doesn't really do squat to help pinpoint my frustrations. Of course, it's not like it would have helped my case anyway; it doesn't help bring back my cheer. Instead, I'm finding that it's just further escalating that sense of boredom accompanied by a very dormant yearning for the holidays to actually MAKE me excited again.
Really... I really DO want to feel happy about the holidays. I don't want to drive by lights and Christmas decorations or listen to holiday music or hear about seasonal celebrations only to come up with one single depressing thought:
"I really wish I could feel excited about life again."
Who knows?
Returning to some old journal entries and blog posts for Decembers in the past, I've come to find that my thoughts never stray too far from melodramatic woes. There are some specific common factors that even accompany these low moments, on repeat: 1) angry holiday shopping and shoving and cursing and more shoving; 2) unexplained bipolar tendencies wherein I go from excited about one moment only to follow through almost too quickly with a sudden low that makes my heart hurt; 3) the resentment I hold towards people around me (in general) and also towards my older brother (mainly) for the fact that I've made myself into an outcast; and finally, 4) a strange regret that I can't find any reason to be excited about the holiday seasons anymore, and because of that, I'm sad about it.
Life does amusing things to your head once you start thinking too hard. And then even happy thoughts can lead to hypothetical "What if I disappeared from this world tomorrow? Who would care?" questions. Where do I stand in this life time with all of my friends and all of my family? Where do I stand with myself? What do I want? What DO I want?
What do I want?
A little research into the past didn't quite clear up my curiosities. I wanted to see when it was that I actually stopped caring about the holidays. It turns out that nowhere do I make mention about anything to do with my melancholy during the holidays. I talk about a lot of other things I'm preoccupied with such as books (mainly Harry Potter, apparently), upcoming tests, upcoming holiday vacations and the like. And then there's a lull from 2005 until 2007 when either I just didn't feel motivated to write or I didn't have time. And then, in a private journal entry in 2007, I think I make the connection for the first time that Christmas just doesn't feel like Christmas of my childhood anymore.
What happened in 2007? Where did that revelation come from? Did I already feel this way before then and just didn't realize it? Or was that feeling just never written down on paper because I never had the time for private journal mutterings?
I'm having snippet flash backs of a possible connection to Faith Hill's "Where Are You Christmas?" that might have catalyzed my "holiday emo" era. The song is quite depressing until you get the last verse where it finally picks back up when she "finds Christmas" again. But you're already put into a jaded mood from the beginning of the song. This would put my issues back into high school in the year 2000. So it's not right, because back then (as I am slightly today) I was a big drama queen and overdid EVERYTHING. Maybe there was carry-over and I just didn't realize it.
And then college came around the corner and I didn't have the time to think about Christmas losing its magic for me.
So apparently going back and looking at old histories of "The Life of Ani" doesn't really do squat to help pinpoint my frustrations. Of course, it's not like it would have helped my case anyway; it doesn't help bring back my cheer. Instead, I'm finding that it's just further escalating that sense of boredom accompanied by a very dormant yearning for the holidays to actually MAKE me excited again.
Really... I really DO want to feel happy about the holidays. I don't want to drive by lights and Christmas decorations or listen to holiday music or hear about seasonal celebrations only to come up with one single depressing thought:
"I really wish I could feel excited about life again."
Labels:
lamentable,
personal,
randomness
Monday, December 5, 2011
Good old Fairy Tales...
What else is there for a hermit to do other than sit around all day long and live in a fictional world? Reading, watching television, playing games... That's life (or lack thereof).
During my perusing of something new to do (after finishing another marathon of a Korean drama rom-com), I suddenly had the urge to check some other old television series classics (or at least the cult favorites). That eventually lead me to remembering a series that my friend had brought up a while back that I had intended to check out, but got side tracked with other things instead.
Once Upon A Time is currently airing on ABC and has a little modern-day slash fantastical Fairy Tale twist (Yes, Fairy Tale MUST be capitalized). For a summary on the series itself, feel free to Google it, but for a quick down low, basically, Emma Swan is brought to a place called Storybrooke when her long ago given up son comes tracking her down. He's got this wild imagination that all the people of Storybrooke are trapped in a curse and that Emma is the only person who can save them. Running parallel to the modern setting is said Fairy Tale wherein all the Storybrooke characters are introduced through various episodic story arcs as their Fairy Tale counterparts.
To be totally honest, for a better summary, you wouldn't be reading my version, because while I'm kind of enjoying this little adventure, I'm not quite certain I know what's really going on aside from the curse and Emma Swan's role in breaking it.
We are told that the entire Fairy Tale debacle is quite real through that parallel telling, slipping back into the Fairy Tale back story while moving right along with the modern day Storybrooke version. But as you flip back and forth, part of you can't quite keep from wondering whether or not this Fairy Tale and curse might not really be a figment of young Henry's overactive imagination -- maybe he IS compensating for his loneliness by creating a fantastic world simply because, as he says in Episode Five, "There's gotta be more to it." (Or something like that, because I'm terrible with quotes, so forgive me.)
I didn't start getting into the series until about Episode Three when we back-pedal into the brief "How Snow White met Prince Charming" love line. And to be totally honest, I'm kind of digging the Fairy Tale story line more than the Storybrooke telling -- I guess I'm just a sucker for Fairy Tales and some adventure. Without this parallel story telling, it would be quite hard to suspend that disbelief that everyone in Storybrooke could be Fairy Tale characters who just don't know it because of a curse that has kept them suspended in a prison of time standing still without their memories. It's a long shot, but I think with more development, the series will come together.
Ginnifer Goodwin does a rather good bumbling Mary Margaret Blanchard as the Storybrooke version of the character, but then she switches gears pretty quickly to become a rather kickass Snow White for the Fairy Tale version of herself. Good touch.
The only complaints I have are the CG and magic illustrations, which look pretty awkward and comedic (it's not a good kind of comedic). The Fairy Tale world is a bit of a "fusion" of American cultural tones (from speech to analogies) which gives it a pretty interesting spin.
My hope: That this series doesn't end up dragging itself out like the typical American television series does (for five seasons with extensions). After spending so much time with Asian series, there's much to be said about having a finite quality for many, many story lines, television series included. The one thing that American series suffer from is their lack of a defining ending that hadn't been brought about by dropped ratings or loss of new material to write about. For this reason, some series would probably do much better as a mini-series while sometimes there ARE series that have it in them to be ongoing for four or five years.
Once Upon a Time, unfortunately, can only be taken so far before the writers run out of ways to continue on without solving the main issue. So, like it or not, this is one of those series that would do well as one with a projected ending rather than a hoped for extended, ongoing series with multiple seasons.
But what do I know. I just watch for entertainment and the series will entertain me until... well, until it stops entertaining me. Then I move on to other things.
***
Still continuing on with reading Micro by Michael Crichton and Richard Preston. It's getting exciting, but there are some complaints I have about it, which I don't quite know how to pinpoint yet. I've put A Great and Terrible Beauty on hold for the time being as it just wasn't drawing me in. But I need to finish reading it when I get the chance, if only because I want to tell all the people who recommended it to me as "an awesome book" that I just didn't enjoy it. Because, as I mentioned to a friend, so far, aside from the attention to detail in the author's writing style (some cute little analogies and the female lead's cynical sarcasm) I'm not quite sure I'm getting what's going on.
It wasn't like reading The Hunger Games where I suffered from a "Let's read one more chapter then go to sleep" dilemma, where about six hours later, I've done gone through ten more chapters and am already more than halfway through the book when I'd just started reading it.
Anyway, I guess that's life.
During my perusing of something new to do (after finishing another marathon of a Korean drama rom-com), I suddenly had the urge to check some other old television series classics (or at least the cult favorites). That eventually lead me to remembering a series that my friend had brought up a while back that I had intended to check out, but got side tracked with other things instead.
Once Upon A Time is currently airing on ABC and has a little modern-day slash fantastical Fairy Tale twist (Yes, Fairy Tale MUST be capitalized). For a summary on the series itself, feel free to Google it, but for a quick down low, basically, Emma Swan is brought to a place called Storybrooke when her long ago given up son comes tracking her down. He's got this wild imagination that all the people of Storybrooke are trapped in a curse and that Emma is the only person who can save them. Running parallel to the modern setting is said Fairy Tale wherein all the Storybrooke characters are introduced through various episodic story arcs as their Fairy Tale counterparts.
To be totally honest, for a better summary, you wouldn't be reading my version, because while I'm kind of enjoying this little adventure, I'm not quite certain I know what's really going on aside from the curse and Emma Swan's role in breaking it.
We are told that the entire Fairy Tale debacle is quite real through that parallel telling, slipping back into the Fairy Tale back story while moving right along with the modern day Storybrooke version. But as you flip back and forth, part of you can't quite keep from wondering whether or not this Fairy Tale and curse might not really be a figment of young Henry's overactive imagination -- maybe he IS compensating for his loneliness by creating a fantastic world simply because, as he says in Episode Five, "There's gotta be more to it." (Or something like that, because I'm terrible with quotes, so forgive me.)
I didn't start getting into the series until about Episode Three when we back-pedal into the brief "How Snow White met Prince Charming" love line. And to be totally honest, I'm kind of digging the Fairy Tale story line more than the Storybrooke telling -- I guess I'm just a sucker for Fairy Tales and some adventure. Without this parallel story telling, it would be quite hard to suspend that disbelief that everyone in Storybrooke could be Fairy Tale characters who just don't know it because of a curse that has kept them suspended in a prison of time standing still without their memories. It's a long shot, but I think with more development, the series will come together.
Ginnifer Goodwin does a rather good bumbling Mary Margaret Blanchard as the Storybrooke version of the character, but then she switches gears pretty quickly to become a rather kickass Snow White for the Fairy Tale version of herself. Good touch.
The only complaints I have are the CG and magic illustrations, which look pretty awkward and comedic (it's not a good kind of comedic). The Fairy Tale world is a bit of a "fusion" of American cultural tones (from speech to analogies) which gives it a pretty interesting spin.
My hope: That this series doesn't end up dragging itself out like the typical American television series does (for five seasons with extensions). After spending so much time with Asian series, there's much to be said about having a finite quality for many, many story lines, television series included. The one thing that American series suffer from is their lack of a defining ending that hadn't been brought about by dropped ratings or loss of new material to write about. For this reason, some series would probably do much better as a mini-series while sometimes there ARE series that have it in them to be ongoing for four or five years.
Once Upon a Time, unfortunately, can only be taken so far before the writers run out of ways to continue on without solving the main issue. So, like it or not, this is one of those series that would do well as one with a projected ending rather than a hoped for extended, ongoing series with multiple seasons.
But what do I know. I just watch for entertainment and the series will entertain me until... well, until it stops entertaining me. Then I move on to other things.
***
Still continuing on with reading Micro by Michael Crichton and Richard Preston. It's getting exciting, but there are some complaints I have about it, which I don't quite know how to pinpoint yet. I've put A Great and Terrible Beauty on hold for the time being as it just wasn't drawing me in. But I need to finish reading it when I get the chance, if only because I want to tell all the people who recommended it to me as "an awesome book" that I just didn't enjoy it. Because, as I mentioned to a friend, so far, aside from the attention to detail in the author's writing style (some cute little analogies and the female lead's cynical sarcasm) I'm not quite sure I'm getting what's going on.
It wasn't like reading The Hunger Games where I suffered from a "Let's read one more chapter then go to sleep" dilemma, where about six hours later, I've done gone through ten more chapters and am already more than halfway through the book when I'd just started reading it.
Anyway, I guess that's life.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
The little things in life
I realized just now that, while perusing my storage of pictures, I have never talked about my wonderful new E-reader. The Nook Simple Touch, which has been named simply, Nook has taken over as THE Nook... if that makes any sense. Another way of saying this is that now the original Nook that first came out has been cast aside as "1st Edition Nook" and whenever you say the word Nook, you are almost always supposed to be referring to the Nook Touch.
Yea, a lot of marketing mumbo jumbo, but I learned this a little after I went and bought one. When I told them I wanted "that new Nook" the question I got was, "Oh, the Nook or the 1st Edition?" Oh... So the other one has been grounded already, so much for loyalty. Not that I blame them, I wouldn't have bothered to get this E-reader had I not found out that it was much improved for the 1st Edition -- pearl e-ink with smoother page turns and easy to use navigation.
The only complaint I have about having a Nook (which I'm sure is probably the same with any other E-reader out there) is that it is extremely dangerously easy to buy a new book. I actually had to force myself to quit reading from the Nook for a while so that I wouldn't think about spending more money. I mean, with the touch of a button, you confirm a buy and then "ZIP!" the book is now part of your library.
Case in point, within the past two weeks, I ended up pre-ordering three books and buying three more. While you don't get charged for the pre-ordered book until it is actually available, you've still spent that money.
Otherwise, I love my Nook! No one seems to understand just how much of a bookworm I am and just HOW much I love that I have an entire library in one little package. Yes, I still have a bunch of paperback books to try reading, but I'm still in that "My Nook is so cool to make use of" phase that I don't care to pick up a real book and flip through real pages again... at least not for a while. I still have dreams of owning an entire library fit with rolling shelf ladders, a giant fire place and cushy seating and all... but that doesn't mean I have to read ALL of those books. Although it would be cool if I can claim to have read all the books I own.
Once again, the book worm nerd in me is all squee about stuff like that.
In other news, the holidays are approaching and one of my closest friends will be coming back for some relaxing and hanging out and fun.
Otherwise... well, not much else is going on. *sigh*
Labels:
news,
personal,
randomness,
reading
Monday, September 5, 2011
Nostalgic olden days and some insanity
Eighteen must have been an extremely fragile time for me. As most teenage lifestyles go, everything isn't as serious and straight forward as we all would like to see it. During that transitioning from high school to college, crossing that line from childhood into adulthood, there are a few strings in one's mind that tend to get twisted around haphazardly.
The following is a blog post I shared in my old blog during the first year I began writing. As life would have it, when I was younger and just coming out of college, I still had a few friends and e-mail was the new big thing that we used to communicate with. It's unfortunate, however, that also during those times, chain letters and random, nonsensical messages were passed along and passed along and passed along until they ended up coming back to the first person who sent the first set.
I personally hated chain letters. My e-mail address book was fairly small since I'm not one to keep very many friends anyway. Just like my Facebook page, the number of friends I had could be counted on both hands. Of course, even classmates and acquaintances shared e-mail addresses for the sake of having someone to send random crap to.
It was a depressing era, really. Nowadays, aside from my best friend, I rarely write actual letters to anyone via e-mail. The rest of my e-mail contents include work related notices and memos, e-magazine subscriptions, game site newsletters, financial related notices, and some blog posting subscriptions. No one else really shares my e-mail address and anyone who wants to talk to me will just message me through Facebook.
Have I ever mentioned that I'm not really that fond of Facebook. It's so cluttered most of the time with random status updates about things that people are doing. Half of those updates, I don't even read and only ever check Facebook to follow specific friends to see how they've been doing as well as joining some fan pages to see about news on new television series or movies to appease my boring days. Half of the people on my friends list, I have never even spoken to before and others, I had never really spoken to before, even in high school.
The following post came from an e-mail I had received and decided to share on my old blog. It's a "Survey" type chain letter where you are given a lot of fairly senseless questions and asked to share your responses with friends so that they may get to know you better. Being a rather twisted and over-imaginative smart ass during that time (which hasn't really changed much in the last nine years, I didn't necessarily respond to the questions the way most people do.
Let's just say, here is further proof that at the fragile age of eighteen, I must have been on some form of crack or strange mental drug.
On November 11, 2002 @ 8:48 P.M., anicheung wrote:
None of the post from above has been edited for full effect. After all, I just can't stop gawking at some of the answers and how extremely cheesy some of them were. On a side note, my imagination was fairly wild during the time of this particular post and I pretty much worked on a "write as you go" basis where the first thing I thought about was the first thing I wrote. Once again, lots of detail and lots of strange descriptions. Also, I had a tendency of talking to myself in multiple personality format back then as well. It's not like I don't still talk to myself, but I think all of my multiple personas have calmed down quite a bit and the louder, more dramatic ones have gone on vacation with random returns every so often whenever I squeal at nothing in particular.
Of course, I DO find some of these topics kind of amusing.
And then there were some responses that were more on the serious side... okay, maybe only one. Although #14 about my favorite time of day was a pretty reasonable response, don't you think?
Anyway, hopefully this was fairly enjoyable. It give me something to post and something to write about without actually writing about anything in general. After all, my life has been rather monotonous lately, and aside from watching endless runs of television series and reading a a book here and there, I've really been doing nothing when I'm at home. The rest of my time is taken up by house chores and that unfortunate, yet desirable working life wherein I make money and save until I'm old and graying.
The following is a blog post I shared in my old blog during the first year I began writing. As life would have it, when I was younger and just coming out of college, I still had a few friends and e-mail was the new big thing that we used to communicate with. It's unfortunate, however, that also during those times, chain letters and random, nonsensical messages were passed along and passed along and passed along until they ended up coming back to the first person who sent the first set.
I personally hated chain letters. My e-mail address book was fairly small since I'm not one to keep very many friends anyway. Just like my Facebook page, the number of friends I had could be counted on both hands. Of course, even classmates and acquaintances shared e-mail addresses for the sake of having someone to send random crap to.
It was a depressing era, really. Nowadays, aside from my best friend, I rarely write actual letters to anyone via e-mail. The rest of my e-mail contents include work related notices and memos, e-magazine subscriptions, game site newsletters, financial related notices, and some blog posting subscriptions. No one else really shares my e-mail address and anyone who wants to talk to me will just message me through Facebook.
Have I ever mentioned that I'm not really that fond of Facebook. It's so cluttered most of the time with random status updates about things that people are doing. Half of those updates, I don't even read and only ever check Facebook to follow specific friends to see how they've been doing as well as joining some fan pages to see about news on new television series or movies to appease my boring days. Half of the people on my friends list, I have never even spoken to before and others, I had never really spoken to before, even in high school.
The following post came from an e-mail I had received and decided to share on my old blog. It's a "Survey" type chain letter where you are given a lot of fairly senseless questions and asked to share your responses with friends so that they may get to know you better. Being a rather twisted and over-imaginative smart ass during that time (which hasn't really changed much in the last nine years, I didn't necessarily respond to the questions the way most people do.
Let's just say, here is further proof that at the fragile age of eighteen, I must have been on some form of crack or strange mental drug.
On November 11, 2002 @ 8:48 P.M., anicheung wrote:
01. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
Wake? I actually wake up? A never ending nightmare... Ugh! I wish I never had to wake up early ever again... but unfortunately.......
But seriously, I'm nocturnal. I don't wake up in the morning, but since everyone else sleeps at night, I might as well, huh? I'm just not a morning person at all. If I could choose, I'd work graveyard shift. This whole waking up in the morning thing is highly overrated.
02. IF YOU COULD EAT LUNCH WITH ONE FAMOUS PERSON, WHO WOULD IT BE?
Bob! Oh yeah... that's the guy! Bob... everyone knows Bob. Bob is everywhere... "Who are you going to the pary with?" "Bob." "What's that guy's name?" "Bob."
Yep, if I could eat lunch with anyone, it would be THE Bob!
03. GOLD OR SILVER?
Silver. Silver is nicer than gold. I find that I like silver better. Silver and some sort of violet, purplish gem... or emerald... or......
04. WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA?
No tengo dinero... no see "film" in "cinema" for long time... :(
Of course, I don't like seeing movies in public anymore. It's a lot more comfortable to watch a movie in the comfort of one's own home. That way, if you want to yell at the stupid chick who doesn't know that the killer is right behind her, then... well, yell away. No one will throw popcorn at you... or their drinks... -_-
But then again, in a movie theater... well... let's just say, if I want to be obnoxious, who can stop me? BTW, I plead the fifth to the security guard, Bob made me do it. That Bob!
05. FAVORITE TV SHOW?
I don't have a favorite favorite... I have a favorites list that changes all the time because, well... stuff happens and I'm a very wishy washy person. Right now, I'm in the midst of watching Hong Kong tv serials... 'A Taste of Love' is such a cute one... or course, unless you're Asian, and even if you ARE Asian, you won't know what I'm talking about, so I'll just say... Um... The X-Files. Hah! Bet you saw that coming, didn't you? I've even set up my own X-file's shrine in my room. Believe me, I'm not joking.
06. WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
I don't like to refer to meals by name. I mean, breakfast in the morning, lunch at noon and dinner in the evening... It's so discriminating. Why can't breakfast be at noon? (for those of you sleepers... breakfast IS at noon and you know it too)
No... I don't like to call meals by name. It's not fair to them. Besides, for the past two months, I haven't had this so called breakfast in a loooooong time. No time, no food. Not even the "lunch." Oooh...
07. WHAT WOULD YOU HATE TO BE LEFT IN A ROOM WITH?
What? What happened to "who"? I mean, not that I would care being left in the room with anyone... ::bad thoughts::bad Anita:: ^^' Heh...
But let's see... what would I hate to be left in a room with? That's a hard one because I can't seem to get along with anything at all. Even the immobile items on my desk seem to hate me. That's why they won't stay in place and end up turning my room into a tornado simulation room.
I'm afraid that if I were to ever be left "completely" alone with these things, they'll come alive and eat me. It's a good thing that "they" are looking after me... for the time being...
08. CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE?
Do I want to touch my nose with my tongue? Do you? Would you? Could you? Five bucks says you can't.
09. WHAT INSPIRES YOU?
The little city living in my head. See... little critters called "likas" live in my head and when they do stuff, it goes through an assembly line and the idea comes to the top of my head. Unfortunately, there are also little critters called "hatas" that keep those ideas from surfacing thus I require food, music, peace, quiet, resting and relaxation, ice cream, chocolate... Well, whatever it takes to either appease the "hatas" or strengthen the peace loving "likas" so that they can fight off the horrid "hatas."
10. WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
She doesn't know because she thinks it's really her "real" name. Believe me, I've been trying to tell her since the beginning of existence that she's only a middle name, but... *sigh* Some people just don't get it.
11. BEACH, CITY, Or COUNTRY?
Beach... no, can't swim... don't like sun. City... but it's always so crowded and polluted. Country... "definition- place where you live in isolation in a huge house, but still manage to get chopped to bits and pieces by maniac killer and you can't get away because the house is too big and you can't call for help because closest neighbor is ten thousand miles away and the phone lines are cut and I think I hear footsteps coming in my direction..."
12. SUMMER OR WINTER?
That's an easy one. Winter! Definitely winter. Cold, nice clothes... baggy clothes that can cover up unwanted fat and tummy rolls... And hot chocolate!!
13. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Heh heh heh heh heh.... LOL........... Is that supposed to be a trick question? Favorite ice cream... What, ice cream alone isn't good enough for you?
14. FAVORITE TIME OF DAY?
Nap time.
15. FAVORITE COLOR?
I'm a purple, green and blue color person. I also like black, white, gray, brown, and all of their different shades. Man... this question just never gets old does it? As if people can't tell what your favorite color is just by looking... Okay, maybe not.
16. FAVORITE CAR?
One that runs. Ooh ooh! And one that has all the accessories including the ability to fly. That would be the day!
17. FAVORITE SANDWICH FILLING?
Is this like Hostess? "Hey, where's the creme filling?" Rather its, "Hey, what's the sandwich filling?" Sandwich filling... is that what they call it now a days? Damn! I've really got to get out of my hermit hole in the basement. Well, after I finish my mad scientist experiment... Today... heheh.... Tomorrow.... THE WORLD!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
*ahem*
Moving right along....
18. TRUE LOVE?
RED ALERT, RED ALERT!! Security has been breached. Words not found in vocabulary! Must approach with caution! Call for back-up! Call the CDC! Do something! It's going to kill me and then take over the world!!!!!!!! Must find antidote... quick... *cough cough, sputter sputter, choke choke...*
19. WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU DESPISE?
........... If I'm to make a list, it would go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on..... My pet peeves are ignorant people...
20. FAVORITE FLOWER?
Preferably live ones that stay in their natural setting, because plucking from the ground whence they came is just wrong... cruel and wrong... Plants are living too!!
21. IF YOU HAD A BIG WIN IN THE LOTTERY, HOW LONG WOULD YOU WAIT TO TELL PEOPLE?
Depends on how many gifts I'd have to buy... otherwise, NO ONE is finding out that I won the lottery and am planning on a round trip vacation to the sunny beaches of Puerto Rico and then to the top of the mountains in the Rockies and then.... Um... What lottery? I didn't win any big lottery jackpot. Stop looking at me like that! I didn't win the stupid jackpot....
No! You can't make me give it up! It's mine, all mine! MINE!
22. FIZZY OR STILL WATER AS A DRINK?
For one, even if the drink is fizzy, I'd hope that it was still as well... If the water started to walk off, then I'd be pretty worried.
23. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM?
I can't tell... the light's too damn dim. It could be hot pink for all I know. The basement is the darkest place in this house and whenever I go to the bathroom, it's not like I take notice.
24. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?
Key ring have many keys. Why? Do YOU want to know where my keys lead to? I'm on to you...
25. WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE TO?
Bed... as soon as I finish this survey and play another game of Spider Solataire... Heh... you'd be surprised out easily addictive those little games are... "Must play solataire card games... now... computer says so...."
26. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK:
Any day that I get to sleep in, under those nice, warm comfy blankets... Ahh... that would be the day. And then the maid will walk in with my tray of breakfast, my dad will hook up the television in my room, and I'll have someone wait on my hand and foot... I'll never have to get up and do anything... well... Anyway....
28. RED OR WHITE WINE?
Does it matter? It's wine. How can you say no to alcohol when it's everywhere... Buuut... they do say that a glass of wine a day helps lower your blood pressure and keeps away those little pink bunnies whenever you have too much white wine. So Red wine it is.... Just make sure Bob doesn't have too much... Wine makes him see things. and hear voices.
"What was that Bob...?"
29. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?
Do I really have to get into where I was my last birthday, because mentioning it really just makes my blood boil? All I can say is "Happy F****** Eightteenth to me. I was screwed over and had the worst day of my entire year. And birthdays are supposed to be fun. Instead I spend the whole day-
Never mind... If you want details, feel free to ask me one of these days. I won't promise you I'll keep my calm when I'm talking though, because... For crying out loud, it was supposed to be MY birthday... And yet it felt like it was SOMEONE ELSE's birthday! Blood pressure rising... must calm down now before I break out the red wine. I don't want to have to start the wine thing at such an early age.
30. DO YOU CARRY A DONOR CARD?
What would I donate? No money, no nice things and there is no way in hell that anyone is taking my precious car or computer away from me. NEVER!
31. WHO DO YOU LEAST EXPECT TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
Once again................
32. WHO IS THE PERSON YOU EXPECT TO SEND THIS BACK FIRST?
I can't stop gawking at these last two questions because I've answered them so many times I'll just let fate decide this time.
None of the post from above has been edited for full effect. After all, I just can't stop gawking at some of the answers and how extremely cheesy some of them were. On a side note, my imagination was fairly wild during the time of this particular post and I pretty much worked on a "write as you go" basis where the first thing I thought about was the first thing I wrote. Once again, lots of detail and lots of strange descriptions. Also, I had a tendency of talking to myself in multiple personality format back then as well. It's not like I don't still talk to myself, but I think all of my multiple personas have calmed down quite a bit and the louder, more dramatic ones have gone on vacation with random returns every so often whenever I squeal at nothing in particular.
Of course, I DO find some of these topics kind of amusing.
And then there were some responses that were more on the serious side... okay, maybe only one. Although #14 about my favorite time of day was a pretty reasonable response, don't you think?
Anyway, hopefully this was fairly enjoyable. It give me something to post and something to write about without actually writing about anything in general. After all, my life has been rather monotonous lately, and aside from watching endless runs of television series and reading a a book here and there, I've really been doing nothing when I'm at home. The rest of my time is taken up by house chores and that unfortunate, yet desirable working life wherein I make money and save until I'm old and graying.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
A hundred and thirteen...
The weather in this city seems to be getting hotter and hotter every week. It makes for lack of motivation if you want to go grocery shopping or jogging, or even a few steps to the mail box. A few days ago, our air conditioner's fan broke and needed to be fixed, so there was some money flying out the window. I'm hoping this heat wave doesn't keep up for too long. After August, summer should be coming to an end, so maybe we'll be getting better weather soon.
In other news, I've gone and completely reorganized my room so that it doesn't look like things explode every time someone walks in. I can finally proudly tell my parents that I have a white carpeted floor and there are no obstructions trying to get to my desk. Buying a new bed and throwing out my old high school toy bunk bed helped a lot. Because along with throwing out the old bed, I also emptied a lot hidden shoe boxes full of unneeded crap and pitched all of that as well. Following, I went through my entire wardrobe and probably got rid of fifty percent of it-- you know those clothes and outfits you WISH you could still wear from a few years back, but haven't worn since the first time you tried it on?
Things are changing around here now, so hopefully I can keep up this better habit of making my bed every day after I get up and keeping things organized. My next task will be to tackle the closet full of old college notes, textbooks and a lot more random crap. I even have plans to reorganize our kitchen drawers-- but that's for a while later on.
And then, maybe I can even learn how to be more social with people I normally don't hang out with. Since my two closest friends are no longer "right down the street and around the corner", I've been spending more than enough time sitting around at home and trying to come up with things to do. Granted, I'm really, really good at finding things to do on my own, I kind of miss going out to eat and haven't even tasted expensive dining since I last visited my friend in Georgia in March. However, my work schedule is also going through some changes, so even if I wanted to go out to eat, it's not going to be an easy task.
I guess you can't always win, right? Wanting more hours just means I socialize less. Wanting to socialize more would require sacrificing hours, which means giving up the chance to make money. Decisions... Decisions...
Right now, I think my big thing is saving money. After dropping a good sum for a couple items around the house, like a new bed and fixing broken appliances, I'm starting to feel the lash of needing to have a savings account.
Anyway... happy heated weather. Maybe it'll storm sometime and bring the heat down. It'd be nice if it rained for a couple days straight and actually be cooler instead of making things more humid.
In other news, I've gone and completely reorganized my room so that it doesn't look like things explode every time someone walks in. I can finally proudly tell my parents that I have a white carpeted floor and there are no obstructions trying to get to my desk. Buying a new bed and throwing out my old high school toy bunk bed helped a lot. Because along with throwing out the old bed, I also emptied a lot hidden shoe boxes full of unneeded crap and pitched all of that as well. Following, I went through my entire wardrobe and probably got rid of fifty percent of it-- you know those clothes and outfits you WISH you could still wear from a few years back, but haven't worn since the first time you tried it on?
Things are changing around here now, so hopefully I can keep up this better habit of making my bed every day after I get up and keeping things organized. My next task will be to tackle the closet full of old college notes, textbooks and a lot more random crap. I even have plans to reorganize our kitchen drawers-- but that's for a while later on.
And then, maybe I can even learn how to be more social with people I normally don't hang out with. Since my two closest friends are no longer "right down the street and around the corner", I've been spending more than enough time sitting around at home and trying to come up with things to do. Granted, I'm really, really good at finding things to do on my own, I kind of miss going out to eat and haven't even tasted expensive dining since I last visited my friend in Georgia in March. However, my work schedule is also going through some changes, so even if I wanted to go out to eat, it's not going to be an easy task.
I guess you can't always win, right? Wanting more hours just means I socialize less. Wanting to socialize more would require sacrificing hours, which means giving up the chance to make money. Decisions... Decisions...
Right now, I think my big thing is saving money. After dropping a good sum for a couple items around the house, like a new bed and fixing broken appliances, I'm starting to feel the lash of needing to have a savings account.
Anyway... happy heated weather. Maybe it'll storm sometime and bring the heat down. It'd be nice if it rained for a couple days straight and actually be cooler instead of making things more humid.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Happy Holidays... or something to that extent...
It's about three hours into Christmas Day and I’m running third shift lab like a zombie. Life is freezing cold and even hot chocolate does not help. So it’s a good thing that I’ve layered up with excess undershirts and whatnot.
Can we remember what it was like in the past when we actually looked forward to the Christmas season? Well, if everyone else can, then obviously I’m of the 5% who doesn't.
I can honestly say that in the past during my teenage years or childhood, there must have been a time when I was always jumping for joy because of the holidays. The idea of a white, snowy Christmas with holiday music, hot chocolate, yummy cookies and cakes, and a nice big scrumptious Christmas dinner consisting of Mom and Dad’s best fixings would always perk up my excitement by multitudes. Christmas was always something to look forward to for reasons that only childhood me could have ever understood.
This year for Christmas, I looked forward to two things: 1) one of my best friends coming back into town and 2) double pay for a worked holiday.
I feel I’ve lost my compassion for the joys of life that eight year old Ani must have enjoyed with all the vigor and energy that she could muster up. The Ani of today has absolutely no energy reserve to even consider getting excited over Christmas candies, cookies, cakes and dinner. Long ago, I lost interest in decorating or sending everyone I knew Christmas cards. If I remember correctly, the last time I even put a Christmas card in someone’s box was back in high school. The last time that I tried to surprise someone with a Christmas gift wrapped up all pretty was sometime in high school as well.
After high school, I got caught up in college and work and simply decided not to go through the trouble of sending cards or wrapping presents. My two closest friends receive gifts of their choosing, unwrapped, I receive gifts from them of my choosing, also unwrapped, we have dinner together and then Christmas is done and over with.
Oh yes, and then there are those work-related parties that I get invited to that I usually don’t attend, as well as the family dinner that sometimes doesn’t happen.
Have I really lost my sense of excitement?
I’ve always been someone who can be easily amused by the little things in life. In fact, I preach the necessity to be able to enjoy simplicity to its fullest, because if you can’t, then the big things that happen just don’t seem as great. But the holidays have become just another chaotic duration of time in which people spend money, eat lots of food and get fairly impatient because everyone else is doing the exact same thing at the exact same time and thus no one is getting immediate service like they think they should be getting.
I swear that around Christmas and Thanksgiving is when I typically see the angriest shoppers in history. People are cutting in line, people are arguing with clerks, and people are shoving each other around. Gifts are bought before Christmas and given away and then two days later everything is returned in the same typical manner as the way they were bought; with lots of shoving and yelling.
Can you see why the holidays may seem a bit depressing from an outsider’s standpoint?
On top of that, holiday bars are the worst to work since everyone’s already spent all their money on gifts and decorations and food and other goodies. And so no one is willing to tip and you leave the bar with a handful of dollars, probably not even enough to pay for the gas that you had to spend getting to work in the first place. Boy am I glad I have a nicer job aside from bartending.
Anyway, for those of you still able to enjoy the lovely Christmas cheer, have a good one and Happy Holidays.
Can we remember what it was like in the past when we actually looked forward to the Christmas season? Well, if everyone else can, then obviously I’m of the 5% who doesn't.
I can honestly say that in the past during my teenage years or childhood, there must have been a time when I was always jumping for joy because of the holidays. The idea of a white, snowy Christmas with holiday music, hot chocolate, yummy cookies and cakes, and a nice big scrumptious Christmas dinner consisting of Mom and Dad’s best fixings would always perk up my excitement by multitudes. Christmas was always something to look forward to for reasons that only childhood me could have ever understood.
This year for Christmas, I looked forward to two things: 1) one of my best friends coming back into town and 2) double pay for a worked holiday.
I feel I’ve lost my compassion for the joys of life that eight year old Ani must have enjoyed with all the vigor and energy that she could muster up. The Ani of today has absolutely no energy reserve to even consider getting excited over Christmas candies, cookies, cakes and dinner. Long ago, I lost interest in decorating or sending everyone I knew Christmas cards. If I remember correctly, the last time I even put a Christmas card in someone’s box was back in high school. The last time that I tried to surprise someone with a Christmas gift wrapped up all pretty was sometime in high school as well.
After high school, I got caught up in college and work and simply decided not to go through the trouble of sending cards or wrapping presents. My two closest friends receive gifts of their choosing, unwrapped, I receive gifts from them of my choosing, also unwrapped, we have dinner together and then Christmas is done and over with.
Oh yes, and then there are those work-related parties that I get invited to that I usually don’t attend, as well as the family dinner that sometimes doesn’t happen.
Have I really lost my sense of excitement?
I’ve always been someone who can be easily amused by the little things in life. In fact, I preach the necessity to be able to enjoy simplicity to its fullest, because if you can’t, then the big things that happen just don’t seem as great. But the holidays have become just another chaotic duration of time in which people spend money, eat lots of food and get fairly impatient because everyone else is doing the exact same thing at the exact same time and thus no one is getting immediate service like they think they should be getting.
I swear that around Christmas and Thanksgiving is when I typically see the angriest shoppers in history. People are cutting in line, people are arguing with clerks, and people are shoving each other around. Gifts are bought before Christmas and given away and then two days later everything is returned in the same typical manner as the way they were bought; with lots of shoving and yelling.
Can you see why the holidays may seem a bit depressing from an outsider’s standpoint?
On top of that, holiday bars are the worst to work since everyone’s already spent all their money on gifts and decorations and food and other goodies. And so no one is willing to tip and you leave the bar with a handful of dollars, probably not even enough to pay for the gas that you had to spend getting to work in the first place. Boy am I glad I have a nicer job aside from bartending.
Anyway, for those of you still able to enjoy the lovely Christmas cheer, have a good one and Happy Holidays.
Labels:
lamentable,
personal,
randomness
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
A random thought about life
Sometimes I feel like my world is extremely small. I'm a simple person who thinks of simple things and becomes amused at simple things. I will laugh at random things even if nobody does and become excited over random things even if it's not a big deal.
Ambition isn't in my vocabulary at all.
My world is just very small and simple and narrow. It's hard for people to enter into it because there is very little room to spare. And it's very easy for people to wander back out of it, or get pushed back out of it because remaining in it is limited. Finally, it's a very easily forgotten place because its so small and simple.
For those who can step into my world, my closest friends, my family... I'm glad you've made the effort to remain by my side. It's a major feat on its own and you all are very brave. And if any of you are to one day wander out of my world, please don't forget about that little place where you've made your residence for so long.
Because, for the most part, I'll still be here in my own little world waiting to be discovered again. Because my small and simple and narrow world has never had the courage to explore realms beyond.
Ambition isn't in my vocabulary at all.
My world is just very small and simple and narrow. It's hard for people to enter into it because there is very little room to spare. And it's very easy for people to wander back out of it, or get pushed back out of it because remaining in it is limited. Finally, it's a very easily forgotten place because its so small and simple.
For those who can step into my world, my closest friends, my family... I'm glad you've made the effort to remain by my side. It's a major feat on its own and you all are very brave. And if any of you are to one day wander out of my world, please don't forget about that little place where you've made your residence for so long.
Because, for the most part, I'll still be here in my own little world waiting to be discovered again. Because my small and simple and narrow world has never had the courage to explore realms beyond.
Friday, August 21, 2009
A tale of crawlies
There's a rather small spider that has made it's residence next to the front door of our house. It just kind of sits (or stands, or hangs, or whatever it does) on the wall. Every day I'd see it in a different place in that exact same area. And when I approach to put my shoes on, since that is where our shoes are all congregated, it just remains completely still as if it could blend in with its surroundings.
But I can still see it. It's there, just hanging out. For at least two weeks, it hasn't gone anywhere else but that one area of wall right next to the doorway.
Typically, when I see a spider, it's usually crawling upwards on a wall somewhere right next to my desk in the basement room. And my first reaction is, as always, to utterly exterminate the cretin without hesitation. Grab the bug spray, spray away, then when it plummets a few feet to the carpet where it may or may not be wriggling in the pain of being poisoned by man-made legal murder of animals, I take a rather large sheet of paper towel, crumple it up and then flush it down the toilet.
I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to creep crawlies, even if I don't show it. From experience, when I see them, my reaction isn't slow, but rather my reactions are always begun with a simple, "Remain calm, act tough, if you freak out, you'll just lose sight of it."
Not too long ago, maybe sometime last year, I got to work, probably walked right through a spider web and contracted the resident living there. My co-worker saw it, freaked out, and excitedly pointed out that there was a spider crawling on my shoulder.
"Okay," I told her.
"Hang on, I'll get it off," she tells me. She so grabs some papers and swats at me. Lo and behold, she swats in the wrong direction and instead of falling to the ground it goes down my shirt. And she screams as much, "It went down you shirt!"
"Okay," I say to her. And without jumping or screaming, I calmly reach into my shirt, turn my collar out to find the darn thing and gently swat it away from me and onto the ground. Now I don't quite remember what happened to it next. It could have crawled away, I could have squashed it, or it could have just disappeared behind the table.
But that was when I realized that I could be quite calm when dealing with a spider crawling down my shirt and I was rather impressed with myself. And from that day on, whenever I see spiders, I don't get jumpy like I used to back in high school, but I remain calm and decide the best way to extinguish it. It's just easier so that you don't lose sight of it when you freak out.
But back to the spider on the wall next to my front door.
Yea, it's still there. I don't know why it's still there. I'm surprised that no one else in the house has seen it yet. I've caught the smell of bug spray every so often and wondered if my mother had killed it. But this morning when I stepped downstairs and walked through our tiny receiving area, I noticed that the little creature was still there, this time on the ceiling.
Why haven't I killed it? one may ask. Well, I don't really know. Lack of desire to kill it, probably. I didn't want to deal with it at first, mostly because I'd been in a hurry to get to work the first time I saw it. But afterwards, when it never moved from its spot, I just didn't have the motivation to off it when it's just sitting there and, well, hanging out.
Or maybe I'm just plain too lazy to off it and feel like it hasn't done anything to me, so why bother it.
Sooner or later, it'll probably get found my someone in my household. I don't know why it hasn't yet.
But for now, I just let it hang and actually find myself looking for it whenever I walk by to see if it's still there. And each and every time, it usually is, even if it's in a different spot.
But I can still see it. It's there, just hanging out. For at least two weeks, it hasn't gone anywhere else but that one area of wall right next to the doorway.
Typically, when I see a spider, it's usually crawling upwards on a wall somewhere right next to my desk in the basement room. And my first reaction is, as always, to utterly exterminate the cretin without hesitation. Grab the bug spray, spray away, then when it plummets a few feet to the carpet where it may or may not be wriggling in the pain of being poisoned by man-made legal murder of animals, I take a rather large sheet of paper towel, crumple it up and then flush it down the toilet.
I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to creep crawlies, even if I don't show it. From experience, when I see them, my reaction isn't slow, but rather my reactions are always begun with a simple, "Remain calm, act tough, if you freak out, you'll just lose sight of it."
Not too long ago, maybe sometime last year, I got to work, probably walked right through a spider web and contracted the resident living there. My co-worker saw it, freaked out, and excitedly pointed out that there was a spider crawling on my shoulder.
"Okay," I told her.
"Hang on, I'll get it off," she tells me. She so grabs some papers and swats at me. Lo and behold, she swats in the wrong direction and instead of falling to the ground it goes down my shirt. And she screams as much, "It went down you shirt!"
"Okay," I say to her. And without jumping or screaming, I calmly reach into my shirt, turn my collar out to find the darn thing and gently swat it away from me and onto the ground. Now I don't quite remember what happened to it next. It could have crawled away, I could have squashed it, or it could have just disappeared behind the table.
But that was when I realized that I could be quite calm when dealing with a spider crawling down my shirt and I was rather impressed with myself. And from that day on, whenever I see spiders, I don't get jumpy like I used to back in high school, but I remain calm and decide the best way to extinguish it. It's just easier so that you don't lose sight of it when you freak out.
But back to the spider on the wall next to my front door.
Yea, it's still there. I don't know why it's still there. I'm surprised that no one else in the house has seen it yet. I've caught the smell of bug spray every so often and wondered if my mother had killed it. But this morning when I stepped downstairs and walked through our tiny receiving area, I noticed that the little creature was still there, this time on the ceiling.
Why haven't I killed it? one may ask. Well, I don't really know. Lack of desire to kill it, probably. I didn't want to deal with it at first, mostly because I'd been in a hurry to get to work the first time I saw it. But afterwards, when it never moved from its spot, I just didn't have the motivation to off it when it's just sitting there and, well, hanging out.
Or maybe I'm just plain too lazy to off it and feel like it hasn't done anything to me, so why bother it.
Sooner or later, it'll probably get found my someone in my household. I don't know why it hasn't yet.
But for now, I just let it hang and actually find myself looking for it whenever I walk by to see if it's still there. And each and every time, it usually is, even if it's in a different spot.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Fun Times at the Bar and a lesson to all about bar etiquette
To tone down my previous emo blog, here's a fun little read.
I was bartender on Saturday night for a small wedding and did quite well with it on tips. Enough to last me a couple lunches for the next two weeks. I spent the entire evening shaking up my version of a Sex on the Beach mixed drink and dunking my fingers into cherries, as it is what I use as garnish for that particular drink. So when I got home that night, my fingers were stained red.
Interesting times.
Apparently Sex on the Beach was quite popular. I don't know how many times I'd made the drink the entire night, but I know that it should have been a little over fifty of them, or more, even. Otherwise, there were sparse requests for "what kind of shots do you know how to make?" of which the answer was, "I'm sorry, I really don't know any fun shots." And then there was the usual, rum and cokes, vodka cranberries, and a mostly import beer.
I have to admit that I like bartending. It's fun... but I don't like socializing. It requires a certain type of skill that I don't have. It's called talking to people, randomly, with smiles, and without being a bore. I'm not good at that. I can barely talk to my own friends with smiles and without being a bore. But it's okay, because I'm not trying to sell THEM anything or trying to earn tips from them.
But anyway, the night was quite fruitful. When people get drunk enough, they really probably don't care that their bartender is scowling or frowning. They just see the liquor. Quite awesome.
On a side note, I about got pummelled by a 27 year old woman who took great offense at the fact that I needed to see her ID to confirm that she was indeed old enough to drink. She threw a fit. She went to her husband and she demanded that we overlook it. Her husband tried to vouch for her, but you know, a policy is a policy.
"But she's my wife and she's twenty-seven," he insisted.
"Tell them," she urged, practically pouting. I could almost see steam coming out of her ears and her face turning red.
We could only continue to say, "If you don't have your ID, we can't serve you. Sorry."
Begrudgingly, she left the room so that she could go and get her driver's liscence from her car. She was not happy and when she returned, she practically shoved the ID in my face like I was her mortal enemy.
My boss kept telling me that when she returned, I'd have to apologize profusely and simply repeat that we have to card everyone and that it's actually a compliment to be carded. I simply nodded, but conveniently forgot to apologize for asking for her ID.
You come to a bar and want a drink. You look rather young, it's a given that you'll get carded. I'm not going to apologize for doing my job. At least four other women were extremely ecstatic that I carded them and thanked me and tipped me big for it.
For anyone out there who don't understand or who like to make problems for bartenders, please don't. You don't know how much is left in the bartender's responsibility, both morally and legally. If someone underage is being served, it's the bartender's fault-- and it doesn't matter whether or not the bartender had served that underage person in the first place. It could have been a hand-off from someone else who was old enough to procure the alcoholic beverage for said minor.
If there is an accident involving alcohol, the bartender who last served that person is legally at fault. Because a bartender is morally bound to know when to stop serving their extremely inebriated customers. Again, it doesn't matter if someone else came to the bartender to buy a drink and then followed by handing it over to the already 0.45 BAC, completely drunk individual.
The bartender has been told that he/she is morally obligated to make the right decision when serving customers.
It's not fair. I don't like it. You can't control other people. But the burden always comes back to the bartender.
So I implore people: if you are asked for you ID at any place that serves alcohol, don't get offended. It's not to make things hard on you, it's policy and its the law. You can call it a means to save our own asses under legal obligation because it really is. Take it as a compliment. We are subject to ask for identification if someone does not look like he or she is over the age of thirty. If you are asked for your ID, then that means you look young enough to get carded.
I'm twenty-five years old. When I don't get carded, that's when I get offended... but only playfully.
Please don't make things any harder. Don't shoot the messenger. Legal dealings and actions are at stake. We are only doing our jobs.
Secondly, don't keep pestering the bartender about adding "just a little more alcohol" to your drink. Depending on the place, a company policy may or may not be controlling how much alocohol is mixed into a drink, depending on how much it is worth to the company. If we give you more, we get in trouble and the extra money has to come out of our own pockets. If you want a double shot, be willing to pay for the extra shot. If you think the alcohol is too expensive, then don't buy any.
In hospitality, we work to appease, but only within reason.
In summary:
When you are carded, don't get offended and don't take out your anger on the person carding you. It's a compliment. I'm always ready to be carded. And who comes up to a bar without ID anyway-- I don't think the laws have changed just because you're at a hotel and you're attending a friend's wedding. Bars card everywhere.
When you go to a bar, don't pester the bartender... remmeber who's mixing your drink.
To add onto it... we don't tell you how to run your life, so don't tell us how to do our jobs. We are trained.
And while I'm on the subject, sneaking alcohol into a bar has always been a no-no. You don't go to a restaurant and bring your own food, so don't come into a bar and bring your own alcohol. What's the point?
I especially love the ones who bring their own cans of Bud Light when there is free beer at the bar. At those, I really just laugh. Funny people.
I was bartender on Saturday night for a small wedding and did quite well with it on tips. Enough to last me a couple lunches for the next two weeks. I spent the entire evening shaking up my version of a Sex on the Beach mixed drink and dunking my fingers into cherries, as it is what I use as garnish for that particular drink. So when I got home that night, my fingers were stained red.
Interesting times.
Apparently Sex on the Beach was quite popular. I don't know how many times I'd made the drink the entire night, but I know that it should have been a little over fifty of them, or more, even. Otherwise, there were sparse requests for "what kind of shots do you know how to make?" of which the answer was, "I'm sorry, I really don't know any fun shots." And then there was the usual, rum and cokes, vodka cranberries, and a mostly import beer.
I have to admit that I like bartending. It's fun... but I don't like socializing. It requires a certain type of skill that I don't have. It's called talking to people, randomly, with smiles, and without being a bore. I'm not good at that. I can barely talk to my own friends with smiles and without being a bore. But it's okay, because I'm not trying to sell THEM anything or trying to earn tips from them.
But anyway, the night was quite fruitful. When people get drunk enough, they really probably don't care that their bartender is scowling or frowning. They just see the liquor. Quite awesome.
On a side note, I about got pummelled by a 27 year old woman who took great offense at the fact that I needed to see her ID to confirm that she was indeed old enough to drink. She threw a fit. She went to her husband and she demanded that we overlook it. Her husband tried to vouch for her, but you know, a policy is a policy.
"But she's my wife and she's twenty-seven," he insisted.
"Tell them," she urged, practically pouting. I could almost see steam coming out of her ears and her face turning red.
We could only continue to say, "If you don't have your ID, we can't serve you. Sorry."
Begrudgingly, she left the room so that she could go and get her driver's liscence from her car. She was not happy and when she returned, she practically shoved the ID in my face like I was her mortal enemy.
My boss kept telling me that when she returned, I'd have to apologize profusely and simply repeat that we have to card everyone and that it's actually a compliment to be carded. I simply nodded, but conveniently forgot to apologize for asking for her ID.
You come to a bar and want a drink. You look rather young, it's a given that you'll get carded. I'm not going to apologize for doing my job. At least four other women were extremely ecstatic that I carded them and thanked me and tipped me big for it.
For anyone out there who don't understand or who like to make problems for bartenders, please don't. You don't know how much is left in the bartender's responsibility, both morally and legally. If someone underage is being served, it's the bartender's fault-- and it doesn't matter whether or not the bartender had served that underage person in the first place. It could have been a hand-off from someone else who was old enough to procure the alcoholic beverage for said minor.
If there is an accident involving alcohol, the bartender who last served that person is legally at fault. Because a bartender is morally bound to know when to stop serving their extremely inebriated customers. Again, it doesn't matter if someone else came to the bartender to buy a drink and then followed by handing it over to the already 0.45 BAC, completely drunk individual.
The bartender has been told that he/she is morally obligated to make the right decision when serving customers.
It's not fair. I don't like it. You can't control other people. But the burden always comes back to the bartender.
So I implore people: if you are asked for you ID at any place that serves alcohol, don't get offended. It's not to make things hard on you, it's policy and its the law. You can call it a means to save our own asses under legal obligation because it really is. Take it as a compliment. We are subject to ask for identification if someone does not look like he or she is over the age of thirty. If you are asked for your ID, then that means you look young enough to get carded.
I'm twenty-five years old. When I don't get carded, that's when I get offended... but only playfully.
Please don't make things any harder. Don't shoot the messenger. Legal dealings and actions are at stake. We are only doing our jobs.
Secondly, don't keep pestering the bartender about adding "just a little more alcohol" to your drink. Depending on the place, a company policy may or may not be controlling how much alocohol is mixed into a drink, depending on how much it is worth to the company. If we give you more, we get in trouble and the extra money has to come out of our own pockets. If you want a double shot, be willing to pay for the extra shot. If you think the alcohol is too expensive, then don't buy any.
In hospitality, we work to appease, but only within reason.
In summary:
When you are carded, don't get offended and don't take out your anger on the person carding you. It's a compliment. I'm always ready to be carded. And who comes up to a bar without ID anyway-- I don't think the laws have changed just because you're at a hotel and you're attending a friend's wedding. Bars card everywhere.
When you go to a bar, don't pester the bartender... remmeber who's mixing your drink.
To add onto it... we don't tell you how to run your life, so don't tell us how to do our jobs. We are trained.
And while I'm on the subject, sneaking alcohol into a bar has always been a no-no. You don't go to a restaurant and bring your own food, so don't come into a bar and bring your own alcohol. What's the point?
I especially love the ones who bring their own cans of Bud Light when there is free beer at the bar. At those, I really just laugh. Funny people.
Labels:
news,
personal,
randomness,
work
Monday, March 9, 2009
Since when have I been able to think about plans outside of homework...
I am so ecstatic, cause I feel like I finally have a couple days to breathe. Aside from having one exam in Chemistry and one small, very, very small quiz in Hematology, there's not much else I need to worry about this week. Just as well-- and I blame our down falling economy-- I have absolutely no work hours this week. The only big things happening are during the day, in which I'm in class, and one party on Saturday, in which my mother told me to get the day off because the parental units would like to take a few days and go somewhere.
And yes! Spring Break is coming around the corner and I feel refreshed. I only have two exams right after Spring break, but I'm quite caught up with one of the two classes that I'm not too worried... yet. I'm sure the panic will finally catch up to me halfway through Spring Break and I realize I haven't really been able to memorize every last detail of my notes. And then I'll lose sight of all my homework assignments, my mind will go blank, and I'll sleep in on the day of...
My worst nightmare-- which I had a couple weeks back-- happened to be me sleeping in until way after all the classes are over and still trying to rush out the door in hopes that I can still make it in time to finish my exam within ten minutes. But alas, the class period is already over and now I'm failing and I still can't figure out why the heck I can't find a decent pair of jeans to wear out the door.
Well, I've had worse nightmares, but this is one that I am adamant will never happen. And to make absoute sure, I have at least three alarms in place to wake me up every morning. And my mom serves as a persistent alarm as well.
But anyway, this week will allow me a tad bit of slack. After my exam on Wednesday, I think I'll make some plans to do other things and take a breather away from school for at least one day. I'm craving some good eating despite my lack of money, but if I continue to stare at my computer and notes and more notes, I think I might lose my mind-- not that I haven't already lost it.
In the midst of all of this chaos of going back to school, I am extremely annoyed to find that my motivation to write has been coming back to me. Of course it would, because it's something I'd rather be doing over studying constantly. And so my mind is coming up with any way possible to drag myself away from text books and notes and dumping my fragile brain on top of unfinished stories with new ideas that if I don't write down now, I'll never remember again.
Yea... I love you too brain. You strive to ruin my life and make me miserable, don't you? I thank you for your efforts. One of these days, I may have to bring you out and put you on a pedestal for worship.
But just you wait, as soon as my year and a half of this studying and cramming is over, I will overflow you with poisonous alcoholic products so that all those awesomeness brain cells will have to take a nice long vacation. Just you wait.
Nah... I haven't quite gone completely insane yet.
And yes! Spring Break is coming around the corner and I feel refreshed. I only have two exams right after Spring break, but I'm quite caught up with one of the two classes that I'm not too worried... yet. I'm sure the panic will finally catch up to me halfway through Spring Break and I realize I haven't really been able to memorize every last detail of my notes. And then I'll lose sight of all my homework assignments, my mind will go blank, and I'll sleep in on the day of...
My worst nightmare-- which I had a couple weeks back-- happened to be me sleeping in until way after all the classes are over and still trying to rush out the door in hopes that I can still make it in time to finish my exam within ten minutes. But alas, the class period is already over and now I'm failing and I still can't figure out why the heck I can't find a decent pair of jeans to wear out the door.
Well, I've had worse nightmares, but this is one that I am adamant will never happen. And to make absoute sure, I have at least three alarms in place to wake me up every morning. And my mom serves as a persistent alarm as well.
But anyway, this week will allow me a tad bit of slack. After my exam on Wednesday, I think I'll make some plans to do other things and take a breather away from school for at least one day. I'm craving some good eating despite my lack of money, but if I continue to stare at my computer and notes and more notes, I think I might lose my mind-- not that I haven't already lost it.
In the midst of all of this chaos of going back to school, I am extremely annoyed to find that my motivation to write has been coming back to me. Of course it would, because it's something I'd rather be doing over studying constantly. And so my mind is coming up with any way possible to drag myself away from text books and notes and dumping my fragile brain on top of unfinished stories with new ideas that if I don't write down now, I'll never remember again.
Yea... I love you too brain. You strive to ruin my life and make me miserable, don't you? I thank you for your efforts. One of these days, I may have to bring you out and put you on a pedestal for worship.
But just you wait, as soon as my year and a half of this studying and cramming is over, I will overflow you with poisonous alcoholic products so that all those awesomeness brain cells will have to take a nice long vacation. Just you wait.
Nah... I haven't quite gone completely insane yet.
Labels:
news,
personal,
randomness,
school
Saturday, February 7, 2009
We're Doomed
So this is the technologically advanced world that we live in.
I'm a little worried for the future as it seems to be going on a steady down hill, but the first priority of life is that we learn how to survive for ourselves. This is my goal starting from this year and on, because I don't know how best to help make a difference to help the rest of the world except for keeping my half-assed two cents to myself.
But anyway, life still happens.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Interesting and disturbing and more...
Online Communities -- xkcd.com
Sometimes this is what I wonder about our world with simple online communications. Such an interesting way to put it.
In other news, Maeven has finally updated the next chapter and it seems that more action will be occuring. The story is only progressing and getting better and better. And hopefully, with more story stimulating ideas, I can also continue on my goal of having something posted on the internet to share with the reading community out there.
Labels:
maeven,
randomness,
through me
Friday, January 30, 2009
So Blah...
Maeven posted this picture on her blog awhile back and I couldn't help but to repost it to share with my friends.
In other news, I'm patiently awaiting the next few chapters of Through Me as the last two chapters were absolutely excellent. If only I could get to the point where writing came that naturally to me. I'm still in the middle of trying to decide where to stick my Writer's Block-- or tell it where to stick itself.
And while I'm at it, here's another little comic/pic-thingy that I like:
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Labels:
maeven,
randomness,
through me,
writing
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
So Totally Blah...
So here I am, surfing the internet through blogs that I check out irregularly -- while also trying to study and imitate brush up on good blogging skills for my alternate universe fan blog -- when I realize that something is utterly annoying me. And it still is. I realize that I have absolutely no idea why my computer (and thus my work station/get away from people in the house haven) is sitting in my brother's room. And thus I am not away from people and have to share my "get away from people haven" with my brother.
I'm a little irritated.
It would be nice if I could waste away my time in the privacy of my own room for my own purposes.(Do you have any idea how much anime and other I could have watched by now if I were in my own room?) And mostly, it is quite hard for me to concentrate on other things when the little brother decides that he wants to blast, quite loudly, on his laptop the makings of a good movie that I want to watch, but cannot, because that would require getting up and walking over to "his area" and seating myself on an unconfortable two foot table to watch the movie on his laptop.
So instead of sharing the wealth a la watching the movie on a television, expertly placed within his room so that all can see, he watches his movies on his laptop, where only he can see and the audio sucks anyway. This is either (A) because he doesn't want to get up off of his already lazy ass to stick the DVD into the X-box, or (B) just to spite me. As much as I'd like to believe that the first option were true (which it is 100%) I'm also sure that the second choice comes as a bonus.
The second most irritating part of having my computer conveniently placed in his room makes for staying up way late into the late-late non-existently-late hours of the wee night to surf the internet/surf forums/watch anime/ready random crap very hard to do. Out of some unfounded respect or common courtesy to the little punk, I try to leave his room when he goes to sleep so that I don't bother him. That, and he tends to toss and turn in his bed and I opt not to tell him to quit it as it is quite annoying -- and because this is his room after all.
And what is keeping me from moving everything out of his room and back upstairs into the privacy of my own. The computer that I am currently making use of was bought by His Little Highness. And I don't think that I'll be able to make up some good excuse for wanting to switch back to the old one I've been using, or to take away his money from him. I feel wretched for even using something that he paid good money for, but in the long run, I think I didn't really have much of a choice.
The boy kind of just went out, bought it, then installed it in the spot where I currently sit (though I don't know why I never moved), and claims that now he can watch movies from this high-tech computer while four-boxing on his computer, second computer, and laptop a la MMORPG of EverCrack 2.
So I feel kind of stuck.
At least until I can find some way out of this mess. Like for instance, maybe one day sneaking my lovely comp up to my own room and then laying down a thousand dollars for the sneaky twit so that I can go about my own life in private... I no longer join him in the good ol' EverCrack 2 pilgrimages and thus should not feel obligated to remain where I am.
And yet... somehow, I'm still here.
It makes me wonder about myself.
I'm a little irritated.
It would be nice if I could waste away my time in the privacy of my own room for my own purposes.
So instead of sharing the wealth a la watching the movie on a television, expertly placed within his room so that all can see, he watches his movies on his laptop, where only he can see and the audio sucks anyway. This is either (A) because he doesn't want to get up off of his already lazy ass to stick the DVD into the X-box, or (B) just to spite me. As much as I'd like to believe that the first option were true (which it is 100%) I'm also sure that the second choice comes as a bonus.
The second most irritating part of having my computer conveniently placed in his room makes for staying up way late into the late-late non-existently-late hours of the wee night to surf the internet/surf forums/
And what is keeping me from moving everything out of his room and back upstairs into the privacy of my own. The computer that I am currently making use of was bought by His Little Highness. And I don't think that I'll be able to make up some good excuse for wanting to switch back to the old one I've been using, or to take away his money from him. I feel wretched for even using something that he paid good money for, but in the long run, I think I didn't really have much of a choice.
The boy kind of just went out, bought it, then installed it in the spot where I currently sit (though I don't know why I never moved), and claims that now he can watch movies from this high-tech computer while four-boxing on his computer, second computer, and laptop a la MMORPG of EverCrack 2.
So I feel kind of stuck.
At least until I can find some way out of this mess. Like for instance, maybe one day sneaking my lovely comp up to my own room and then laying down a thousand dollars for the sneaky twit so that I can go about my own life in private... I no longer join him in the good ol' EverCrack 2 pilgrimages and thus should not feel obligated to remain where I am.
And yet... somehow, I'm still here.
It makes me wonder about myself.
Labels:
lamentable,
personal,
randomness
Saturday, July 19, 2008
So I've been thinking...
Hehe, that's an understatement... and at the same time quite some progress.
I check my email constantly, everyday and probably every hour for updates in everything I need to know. My career options, my friends' comments (like I really have any who'll write to me), and then some news updates from fansites... and then most importantly, the update of the next chapter for my current obsession of original writing, Through Me by Maeven.
The newest chapter has been updated finally and each time she updates, I leave her story feeling extremely content.
As a follow-up, after reading her update notes, I realize just how long of a road I have to go just to catch up to her. I like to write for myself, but not once have I been able to even establish the plot of my stories before I lost motivation or come to a stop where I'm unsure of where to continue on.
I have a very bad habit of following my train of thought and pounding out page after page of work until I come upon a part of my plot that just doesn't seem to fit. And so instead of working around what I've already written, I stubbornly go back and change something, which in turn somehow always changes everything. And so I have reread the whole ordeal to decide whether I really want to keep that change, find another place to change, or go with the new change and rewrite the whole fiasco.
I'm horrible.
I tried a new tactic to my writing a while back by outlining some important factors and going from there. But that hasn't seemed to work either as I realized that I've successfully confined myself to a set plot and when I don't have anything to write for a specific part of my outline, I'm stopped once again.
But what nonsense am I spouting right now?
I love to write, but when the idea comes around to writing and then sharing, I never think my material is good enough for others to see. So I purposefully go back and find flaws with my entire storyline and somehow convince myself that I need to rewrite the whole thing. It's a vicious cycle, because no matter what route I take, I end up going back and rewriting something. Or stopping completely.
I'm a little disappointed in myself. Somehow, I'd love to rewind back to my old fanfiction writing days where I seemed to be able to spit out chapter after chapter without regard to how people will really like it. But at least then, I was motivated to continue writing.
And now a stupid revelation: maybe I should just start posting the first few chapters I've managed to write of something. Because if I do that, I'll get some encouragement (or flames) from readers and decide from there if I want to continue the story at all. I did that when I wrote fanfiction, but my goal after I gave up on fanfiction was to at least write 50% of my story before even showing it to anyone. Because when 50% is written, I somehow believe I won't irrationally go back and change something on impulse that could change the whole story. The plot will be set in stone and I can't go back.
(Editing is option, of course.)
But anyway, now that my post has gone this far, I need to wonder what it is exactly that I'm trying to do. I feel like I just rambled a whole load of bull and that I need to step down for a while and recollect all of my thoughts.
I check my email constantly, everyday and probably every hour for updates in everything I need to know. My career options, my friends' comments (like I really have any who'll write to me), and then some news updates from fansites... and then most importantly, the update of the next chapter for my current obsession of original writing, Through Me by Maeven.
The newest chapter has been updated finally and each time she updates, I leave her story feeling extremely content.
As a follow-up, after reading her update notes, I realize just how long of a road I have to go just to catch up to her. I like to write for myself, but not once have I been able to even establish the plot of my stories before I lost motivation or come to a stop where I'm unsure of where to continue on.
I have a very bad habit of following my train of thought and pounding out page after page of work until I come upon a part of my plot that just doesn't seem to fit. And so instead of working around what I've already written, I stubbornly go back and change something, which in turn somehow always changes everything. And so I have reread the whole ordeal to decide whether I really want to keep that change, find another place to change, or go with the new change and rewrite the whole fiasco.
I'm horrible.
I tried a new tactic to my writing a while back by outlining some important factors and going from there. But that hasn't seemed to work either as I realized that I've successfully confined myself to a set plot and when I don't have anything to write for a specific part of my outline, I'm stopped once again.
But what nonsense am I spouting right now?
I love to write, but when the idea comes around to writing and then sharing, I never think my material is good enough for others to see. So I purposefully go back and find flaws with my entire storyline and somehow convince myself that I need to rewrite the whole thing. It's a vicious cycle, because no matter what route I take, I end up going back and rewriting something. Or stopping completely.
I'm a little disappointed in myself. Somehow, I'd love to rewind back to my old fanfiction writing days where I seemed to be able to spit out chapter after chapter without regard to how people will really like it. But at least then, I was motivated to continue writing.
And now a stupid revelation: maybe I should just start posting the first few chapters I've managed to write of something. Because if I do that, I'll get some encouragement (or flames) from readers and decide from there if I want to continue the story at all. I did that when I wrote fanfiction, but my goal after I gave up on fanfiction was to at least write 50% of my story before even showing it to anyone. Because when 50% is written, I somehow believe I won't irrationally go back and change something on impulse that could change the whole story. The plot will be set in stone and I can't go back.
(Editing is option, of course.)
But anyway, now that my post has gone this far, I need to wonder what it is exactly that I'm trying to do. I feel like I just rambled a whole load of bull and that I need to step down for a while and recollect all of my thoughts.
Labels:
maeven,
personal,
randomness,
stories,
through me,
writing
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Penguins in a Row
So this is kind of what happens when a bunch of penguins become overwhelmed with work.And as you can guess, I am not exactly in this picture, but I was at the scene... after all, someone had to take the picture, right?
This photo was actually taken a long time ago, but it's fun to share things like this, no? hehe
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