The Holidays are Scary

I cannot wait for everything to be officially over. Granted, I like going to Christmas parties, I like hanging out with my friends, and I love seasonal foods and whatnot. But I hate this rush rush of the holidays. It's almost as if everyone thinks they have no time in the world to slow down.

And that's when everyone gets cranky, and the next thing you know, the holidays are no longer happy ones.

I can't quite say that I get a so called "Christmas Break" like many others-- where I part time at, there is no such thing as a break. But it's fine by me since I have nothing else better to do with my time anyway. Money makes the world go round, more hours means more money, and so the world is making its rounds quite smoothly right now. Until you accidentally drop a dirty fork, knife, or spoon on someone... or if you mix up some drink orders at the bar and realize that you probably have to pay for it later.

Yeah... the holidays kind of suck for me right now.

I am looking forward to next month wherein I can finally beging studying in my newly chosen Medical Technology area and work fewer before the crack of dawn hours. If I have to serve another breakfast, I may just have to throw scrambled eggs at someone.

But anyway, as life has it, you must take what gets thrown your way. Or dodge it and then turn around and pick it up, cause someone's gotta pick it up before it rots and dies, right?

In recent non-social news of mine, I've been immersing myself in online games and such to waste away my time (and my brain). Writing has become a distant and slippery grasp for me, and my room could stand a little cleaning.

Otherwise, days are peachy.

I'm a Jerk... Read to Learn More

So for the past three weeks I've been hounded by my parents about enrollment and tuition and whether or not I've got my class schedule for next semester taken care of. I personally have been wondering about it as well, because, after all, this is my future career we're talking about here and this is really, really important to me.

Never mind that there are other issues in my life and never mind that people are asking me about my social life as well. I'm one tracked right now, and all I care about is my education and what I'm going to be doing after I graduate with yet another degree-- hopefully more useful than the last one.

"I'll take care of it," I've been telling my parents. "I've been accepted into the program, and I've paid my deposit for a seat. They have to let me enroll, no matter what." I didn't tell my parents that the current head of the department also told me that a lot of this stuff would be taken care of within the couple weeks after and before semester.

My parents, of course, only want results now.

"I've been in contact with her (the department head)," I tell my parents. "We're working on it." Okay, so it was a bit of a fib, but whatever anyone says, I have been in contact with the department head and I am slowly, but surely, working on it. It's just not working the way they (or even I for the matter) have been expecting it.

So in order to not feel like an ass for forgetting a lot of what I've been told about the enrollment process, I figure I would call out to the department and get word for word how it's all going to work. In which case, I can then relay to my parents that everything is going as planned and that there is no need to worry at all about anything... yet.

Of course, even though I'm a bit lax about this whole situation, I've had those moments where I'm panicking as well, thinking that I've been forgotten. After all, my acceptance letter hadn't been sent to me when all the other letters were sent out and I got a little worried that my second letter might have gotten mixed up again.

So I call...

"Well, what happened was, I was in a car wreck and I've been out for a week..."

Okay, this was NOT what I expected to hear from someone I was about to get on about forgetting about me.

"Don't worry, I didn't forget about you."

Double shit...

And then I commence my apologies for anything and everything I can think of that I may or may not have done wrong to this woman. I'm sorry for calling you at this time. I'm sorry if I'm rushing you. I'm sorry for bothering you. I had no idea. I'm sorry about what happened. I'm so, so, so sorry that I'm even living and breathing and giving you a hard time. Please accept my humble apologies because I don't deserve to live anymore.

And while I'm here apologizing, she's trying to rant about the new department head's decision to change all the schedules and flip flop things that shouldn't be touched. And I really should be listening because I already screwed up by assuming that I'd been forgotten and I was a little peeved...

Well... things will be worked out indeed. But before that, I think I need to go on a bit of a shopping trip to find this current department head a massive apology/thank you gift.

Because right now, I feel like the world's biggest ass.

I shall commence lamenting and try to repent my sins by offering sacrifices of my own blood, fat, and other bodily fluids that may help mankind out. Organ donations can be signed for at the front desk, but none are being distributed until I actually kick the bucket and die in my freak accident.

Just Another Day

I berate myself for having neglected this blog, but then again, I've been neglecting a lot of things I should be doing. I'm really bad like that.

The past few days have felt really hectic, even though only a handful of things have occurred.

For instance, my work schedule is kind of slackened now and I've really only worked four days this weeks. I even got Sunday off because another coworker wants more hours. And I'm thinking, I really don't care either way if I get hours, because I don't like this place. My boss is saying, "Are you sure you don't mind?" And I say, "Nah, I don't care either way. He can have my hours. It doesn't bother me." But what I'm really thinking is, "Yes, I get Sunday off! I get Sunday off! I don't have to wake up at six in the morning to go to work! Yay!"

My friend's birthday is coming up, and just as well, she had recently had a Christmas party. This time around, the two of us were smart and decided to plan the party for early December instead of later in the month. After all, everyone has plans by then and other parties to attend. We thought by doing it this way, the turn out would be a little bit better than the previous years.

Of course, people are fickle and inconsiderate, and a bunch of asses (excuse my language) and about five people called to cancel at the last minute. All-in-all, a handful of about ten people showed up.

But as my friend would say, only all the important people showed, so she was quite content about it.

As per most years, we made food... lots and lots of food. Brown sugar and pineapple juice glazed ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, desserts, etc., etc., and etc....

Everyone loves our ham, and we learned that cooking is really a trial and error method in order for us, in general, to actually make anything good. It's a secret and includes lots of "Did you glaze the ham yet?" "No." "Okay, I'll glaze it now." "But you just glazed it two minutes ago." "And?" "Yea, go glaze the ham."

We're chaotic cooks, but that's okay because the end result is favorable.

After the dinner party we went out where I displayed a quite ridiculously uncontrolled state of inebriation where I slightly remember what I did, but was being told otherwise. When I said that I didn't remember having done such a thing, I was laughed at for being trashed. I sure as hell remember a lot of things, even though it all seemed blurry, but apparently, there's not convincing people that I can actually remember things when I'm drunk. They think they can recreate the night for me and I wouldn't know the difference.

Right...

I'm not an idiot, but I guess I'll play along since it's not a big deal. No one was hurt in the process and everyone gets a good laugh. Yea, I tell people I don't really remember anything, but that has nothing to do with the alcohol as much as it has to do with my own ability to remember details that are significant.

But the night proved to be fun, and I spent the next couple days thinking that I did something that I normally wouldn't do to some guy, of which I shouldn't have had to worry because even drunk, I think I'm still a bit of a prude.

***

In other news, I've jumped back into the habit of writing my stories again, but the big issue is mostly about which one I feel I should work on. There are too many and I'm just not sure where to start.

I'm pathetic.

Med Tech Ahoy!!

So I just received word that I've been accepted into the Medical Technology program. Hopefully this will be the next step out into my not so stable and not so established career.

I'm kind of giddy because I was extremely worried that I wouldn't get accepted since I've been having problems with one particular professor and my reference letter. Hopefully I can talk him into finishing it up and sending it in for the record.

But, all in all, I'm extremely ecstatic.

I've been accepted!

I haven't anything else to really say about it. I can't wait to get started!

The Elections and a Looooong Week

So the elections are now over. The president of the United States is officially Barack Obama, winning 349 to 147 electoral votes. He won popular votes as well at 52%. And then the nation swings democrat now.

I personally care little for politics. I have enough on my plate as is. If voting was going to get me a decent full-time job with benefits as well as get my parents off of my back on how to run my life... I guess I would vote.

My vote in Kansas feels like it would make little difference anyway. I don't get to elect the president, and Kansas is a Republican state no matter who votes. I've never understood politics. I don't know if I ever will.

***

But onto other news...

While the elections were going on, I was working all day. Everyone around me talked about the elections. Todd Tiahrt even had his victory party at the Hilton-- a pack of hungry wolves it was a long night.

And life goes on.

The rest of the week feels like it's going to kill me again. I am motivated to move onto finding a different job, but it seems that I'm not motivated enough. In fact, I'm starting to have little confidence that I'll be able to get any results with my life at all.

But anyway, life goes on and I'm sure I'll come up with something soon.

My Crumbling Life... or Just Overdramatizing (if that's even a word)

OMG! Because of the elections there is no Heroes tonight! I'm a little devastated. Especially now that the series is getting into a good twist.

.......

Onto other news, well, there really is no other news except the usual.

My grandma's birthday was yesterday. We went out to eat, we went home to eat, and basically, I think I ate enough to feed myself for the next two months. When you're with grandma, there is no break between meals.

***

Anyway, in other news, Maeven has updated chapter 23 of Through Me. No links this time because I'm lazy, but I have Maeven's Fictionpress link in the sidebar. Enjoy. I know I will.

In a Nutshell

My boss is probably trying to kill me.

Or she could just be trying to give me the motivation to run away. After all, what young college graduate will be satisfied remaining in a place where you only get paid $2.35 an hour. Even with gratuities the pay is sometimes not enough. There are no exemplary benefits save for cheap hotel stays outside of the city, and there aren't incentives to work harder.

I clearly hate my job. I know it, my coworkers know it, my boss knows it, and my parents have known it since before I set foot in the damn place.

Next week will be a battle against Ani's patience as I go up against, not one, but three days of early morning before the rooster crows, before the sun rises, and before the nighttime partiers even go home to sleep workdays. Yes, I'm sure there are still people out drinking up a storm and partying when I wake up at four in the morning to get ready for work.

It looks like I have Friday off, at least, not that I would have minded working on Friday. I specifically told my boss that I was available on Halloween, unlike many others would be. I have no social life outside of my work, my school, and my family. My friends come around once every full moon and I get invited to a party once every leap year.

It's a quiet, lazy, simple life for me and that's fine. I don't think I would prefer it any other way as I am a pretty private person.

Of course, there are always those days where privacy seems thrown out of the window and I wish that I had another different, more solitary lifestyle than I have now. Do I ask for too much?

Through Me X 2 and Paintball Battle Wounds

On Sunday my brothers, their friends, and I went to Frog Holler for a nice game of paint ball. Or rather... we were demolished by a bunch of cheating loud mouth kids. But that's not the point.

We had fun. It's been about five years since the last time I went paintballing, I think. The last time I went was, of course, with my three brothers and one of big brother's friends. The refs out there were rather nice and allowed us to play against each other instead of with strange people who like to shoot newbies because they know they can.

Sadly, I'm cursed with always being on the losing side. Or maybe I've just got the worst luck ever. Or maybe I just suck at paint ball.

The only other time I went paintballing was so, so long ago when I'd just started college and my big brother was engaged to some girl he'd met at a restaurant and had been dating for three months. Again, it was me, the brothers, and this time it was also a bunch of the little brother's crazy friends (I emphasize crazy, immensely). Also thrown into the bunch was big brother's fiancee's little sister who was a freshmen in high school at the time.

We played all day. I got tired. For the very last game, I sat out and watched as my little brother and his friend did a nice little kamikaze down the hill into enemy territory to steal the victory. My brother is crazy like that. He likes to rush the battle field instead of wait patiently in hopes that paintballs will zip by you without contact and the game will end without you having to do anything or move anywhere.

So I play cautious. No big deal. I'm just clumsy and would rather secure my best efforst in not getting hit and thrown out of the game rather than getting hit as soon as I set foot into the game. This means no senseless movements or rushing forward. I'm quite content staying in the back.

This time around at paintball, I tried to do something... The key term here is that I tried. It didn't really work out too well though and I stayed in the back and shot randomly at anyone who looked like they were about to get up.

Still, I had fun. And then the next day there was the aching pain of muscles rebelling. Also, the very first place I was actually hit on my body was my neck and my back. Big purple and ugle bruises. My coworkers are swearing up and down that I've been naughty and that the bruise on my neck is really a hickey.

Right, like in this lifetime I would actually be able to experience getting a hickey at all.

But anyway. Onto other news.

If I hadn't already mentioned it, Grandma has completely moved into her new house and will no longer have to return to her drabby, aging, ancient, bad neighborhood, bolt the doors down to keep people out house. We're all a little gratified that Grandma no longer has to be paranoid that some stupid street kid will decide to break in.

I'm moving along at snail's pace in my efforts to A)find a better job, and B) get into the Medical Technology program to ensure a good opportunity in the future. But I met with the Med Tech department head and she says that not only will I like the program, but I've also got the typical personality of a Medical Technologist. She also mentioned that I'm just like her in those respects. I feel a little more calm because I almost feel like I've already guaranteed myself a spot in the program.

Not a time to get my hopes up yet, but I'll look forward to it.


Finally, I've been stuck on other things for a while including watching the rest of Moonlight Resonance, doing my homework and working overtime. When I received my little author alert about Maeven's newest story updates, I kind of blew them off for a while. Then, not long after, I checked my email again yesterday and found yet another update. I'm quite ecstatic, and so I'm off to read the two newest chapters of Through Me 21 and 22. Soon we shall see what will occur between our favorite heroes and the little conflict that's been brought to light.

As for Moonlight Resonance, I may or may not comment on the series as a whole later on. But for now, I can mention that as much as I liked it and as much as I preferred it to its predecessor, I'm a little disappointed at the outcome and how things were played out. More on this later.

Heroes and Too Much Work

So the third season of Heroes has begun to air. I missed the season premier, but fortunately was graced with online streaming and so I saw it anyway.

It was a jam-packed two episode premier, and the effect was rather "Whoa!" because within these two simple fourt-five minute episodes, too much happens. I don't want to give away too many spoilers, but let's just say that everyone seems a lot more emo than they were from season 1. In season 2, there hadn't been too much time to elaborate on the degree of emo that our "heroes" end up in because Hollywood's writers decided to go on strike and ended Heroes in the middle of the season.

The very first scene of the first episode, I swear, probably came right out of a Matrix movie scene. I think that what Claire was wearing is a dead-copy of Trinity's usual pick of clothing.

But anyway, despite the immense complications and increase in mysteries, more adventures are being added on and I'm looking forward to the rest of the season.

Peter is on a mission to "save the world" as he always seems to be, but this time there's an interesting twist that is revealed at the very beginning. Hiro, of course, is so dead set on being a hero that he may end up screwing up horribly this time. For once, his best friend is the one with the level-head and his wits among him. Claire is as emotional as ever and probably more so after an encounter with Sylar. After being shot by a "mysterious assailant" back in season two, Nathan has become somewhat... looney, which is a shame because he was probably the more normal, more intelligent, more stable of all the heroes in the entire series. Suresh has lost it... completely, and I'll leave it at that. We know nothing of what happened to Niki/Jessica or her son and relatives... but OMG, there's a Niki look-alike out there?!!

Anyway, there are so many new things going on and so much revealed and so many more new questions brought to attention. And this is all just within the first two episodes so I can only wonder what the rest of the series is going to be like. You don't get a chance to stop for breath when you're watching Heroes cause if you stop paying attention for even a second, you may just miss something very important.

Also, we get to reunite with Claire's biological mother once again, and Angela Petrelli finally displays what her great power is.

As a spoiler, my brother told me that the very last episode is revealed to be titled "War." I have quite the ideas on what will incur during this third volume of Heroes. And being that season two couldn't really elaborate on the "Generations", hopefully it won't take away the effect of volume three's "Villians" because there's a significance to this title.

***

In other news, I'm tired of homework. Case closed. Although I haven't had much time to do my homework what with my part-time job and with my... obsessed attachment to Warhammer Online.

But seriously, I need to learn how to self-discipline myself. Otherwise, there may be some problems. I've successfully contacted all the professors for the sake of my application into the Medical Technology program and hopefully it will be smooth sailing from here on out. If I can get in, I can begin working my way into a lab and getting acquainted with that so-called "experience" that every job employer is looking for.

The holidays are approaching quickly with Halloween around the corner and Thanksgiving and Christmas not too far behind. You might say that the latter two are still two months away, but time, I've discovered, flies be so quickly that you don't even have time to comment on how far away Christmas feels.

After this semester, I'll have completed Immunology and will have no other class to take until my acceptance into Medical Technology. And so I'll have a whole semester free of school work so maybe I should consider searching for a different part-time job to occupy my time.

If I may do so, I feel I should take that semester to work on my writing as well as my anime and manga blog other things.

On a side note, I am fully pumped and ready to go about dieting because in another ten pounds, I think I may just go shoot myself. Thus, joining a gym may not be a bad idea... though I think in the end, I may just start looking for a KSS class to take for the sake of being a student out there and being out at the gym at WSU. And because I'm not too certain about whether or not I'll be kicked of my student status if I don't take a class during one of the semesters...

Anyway. Whatever.

An Emo Moment... Apologies are in order to begin with... *bows*

I understand the complications. I understand why my parents persist. And I understand it all. What I don't understand is why it's so hard for my parents to understand how to practice a little bit of consideration... or even a little bit of...

You know, I don't really know what I want from them. But what I don't want is for them to continuously be breathing down my back about doing certain things and then give me obstacles.

Like you really think that this is an effort I've never tried to make on my own. And like you really think that this is something I enjoy.

I know. I know. And I know.

But right now, I can't seem to keep myself from wanting to explode or burst into tears. I'm not a depressing person, but certain circumstances always turn me into one. Right now is really not the best time to make me feel so much more inferior than the rest of the world.

So what if I'm overweight? So what if I'm fat? So what if I'm practically rolling stomach out of my shirts? So what if I'm so disgusting that it hurts to look at me? I can one hundred percent tell all of you fools that I am healthier than a marathon runner. I could probably out run one if I feel like it because I'm a fool like that. My being fat has nothing to do with MY personal health.

Because for all my glory of being a hundred pounds heavier than my parent's ideal target weight, I've yet to contract any disease or disorder mostly common within my family and caused by being obese. I'm very healthy.

And now I'm being completely random and stupid. I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about anymore.

But you know, surgar-coating the words "Your fat and you need to lose weight because we can see your bulging stomach" with the words "we just want you to be healthy" does not help to increase my already diminishing self-confidence that I can at least control one aspect of my life. Everything in my life is not going according to plan right now, I've lost all confidence in my future career, and I've had about three hours of sleep in the past twenty-four to four-eight hours. I'm so tired because I ran and ran all day today for the sake of a job I don't even like, but that I can't seem to stop killing my physical exterior for, and I don't even know what my life is worth anymore.

Slapping me in the face by suddenly bringing up the issue of my weight does NOT exactly tell me how much my parents love me. Instead, I just feel like I've been reduced to a cretin about to be smashed beneath Glory's bare feet. Not only that, but my right wrist is either twisted or bruised, I may have Carpel Tunnel since my left hand is always losing feeling, my right knee is beginning to give out on me again, and my back and shoulders are eternally stressed.

But you know what, according to the doctor I'm completely one hundred percent healthy and probably much more so than my athletic little brother.

I've done what my own motivation will allow. I don't eat like a pig. I've gone to physical activities classes-- I've taken Pilates, Cardio-kickboxing, Yoga, Turbokick... I've gone to the gym. I've gone on diet pills. I've done everything I can do. But it's either of my own willpower, or because of sheer misfortune.

I've never lost one pound of weight for the past three years, no matter how hard I've tried. And granted, maybe I just need to try harder. And I know that I have to try harder. And I know that I'm fat and disgusting, but I really don't need anyone telling me that... and then turning around and trying to cram another cake down my goddamned throat.

Don't be so fuckin' contradictory! Dammit, make up your minds and leave me alone. Really... just leave me alone.

Please.