Respect is something that is earned and not given away like flyers. Acting like an jerk is not going to help with the situation and neither are false accusations that accomplish nothing.
My personal opinions, which may not mean anything to many people, set up respect for those people who do their best in life, whether work or social or just general. If you do your share and try your hardest, you've earned my respect. You don't have to be intelligent and you don't have to know everything. In fact, you don't even have to be a martyr so long as it shows how you've at least tried your best.
A leader usually gets my respect automatically because of status. I think to myself, "That person is there for a reason." But that doesn't mean that I know why or that it'll remain true. Because in the end, automatic respect is lost far more easily than earned respect.
I'm not one to start trouble if it's not necessary. I like to keep the peace. If someone treats me wrong, but I've lost nothing in the process except for a small speckle of dignity and my temper, I simply take a deep breath, maybe vent to some of my friends about having had a bad day, and then I move on and get over it. Dwelling on the matter will only make me more stressed about it and it's not worth the stress. If a true problem comes up that could be a deciding factor about a major issue in my life, that's when I might have to finally speak up.
It's not the best way to go about conflict management, but I'm not good at confrontation. If at all possible, I'd love to just ignore and move on.
Unfortunately, other people like to start fires where bridges can be burned. I know for a fact that last night, a certain somebody has completely lost the respect of myself and two others. I will not mention names nor will I give specifics. He may not know who he is, but I'm pretty sure he'll find out in the long run that what he has done has not only failed to establish his authority, but has also lost the trust and respect of others.
Without trying to be immodest, I will honestly admit that I am a very tolerant and very nice person. I don't like arguments, I don't like confrontation, and I don't like anger. It takes a lot for someone to piss me off because I otherwise, normally just ignore their annoyance. But lines are easily crossed and especially if said person has been tip toe-ing that line since the first day we met.
I've lost respect for few people over the years. Because life is too short to spend always wondering who is going to do you wrong the next minute, or who you should make feel miserable, or who you should display false authority to. It would get tiring, wouldn't it? You spend a lot of your time each day already surrounded by necessities and issues such as, "What daily chores do I need to finish today?" "Where do I need to go today?" "Who do I need to call? What do I need to take care of?" "What's for dinner? What's for lunch?" "Do I want to sit and watch television or spend time with the family?" "Do I have homework to do? Studying? Reading?"
There are so many other things that need to be accomplished within the day that it's a wonder to me that people can dwell on other matters as petty as, "Who's going to make my life miserable today and how should I respond to that and who should I defend myself against before they even show any hint of thinking of attacking?" I feel sorry for those people who spend their entire lives thinking that they need to cry wolf every second they get a chance just so someone won't even remotely think of treating you wrong.
When my friend gets accused of doing something she had not even done and gets ambushed with that issue, I feel like we've stepped into past issues of incredulous Salem witch trials. It doesn't matter that she has done her share of work or that she had no intentions whatsoever of being rude or irrational. It doesn't matter that she had done nothing to merit being accused being disrespectful. But the issue going through the accuser's head must have been as simple as, "I need to set authority somehow," or "I need to teach some people a lesson," and so he goes and cries wolf about something that isn't even true. Maybe he was trying to earn respect he doesn't deserve by showing how he isn't being given respect. Maybe he was trying to defend against an impending attack. I don't know what his intentions had been, but there was no need to falsely accuse people.
If he wanted to given more respect, well, I'm sorry, he's burned three bridges. His way of going about things was childish and uncalled for.
I spent the night tossing and turning in bed wondering about the situation. If I had been in her position at the time, what would I have done? I don't have a temper. I don't know how to deal with confrontation and I'm no good at voicing my opinions. What would have happened to me? Would I have said something wrong? Would I have further angered him by saying something accusatory back? Or would I have suddenly developed some form of manipulative skill to turn the tables?
Who knows?
Respect is just so easily lost when someone pulls a stunt as irrational as he had done. Although we must consider that the respect that I had had for this person was teetering on a tight rope already. Because I believe there are certain things that he has no right to bring up and that his respect was not given to him in accordance to his ability to work hard, his work ethics, or even his social personality. This is a person who had been given automatic respect because of his position.
And I apologize. It's all gone now.
So now the main question is, how do I continue to act around him without making trouble for others?
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