Three Weeks of Relaxing Brain Mush

No, this has nothing to do with a horrific new Quentin Tarentino movie or the like.

My summer class has just come to an end and I realize that I haven't blogged since the beginning of summer. But that's okay cause it's not like much has happened anyway. Between Clinical Microbiology, Parisitology, and Mycology, I've learned that people are safer living in a bubble and having absolutely no fun at all because no matter what you do, you CAN contract some form of bacterial disease or a nasty parasite wherein you spend the rest of your life bed-ridden or hospitalized.

So, so horrible. So everyone just go home now and start building a fort and stock up on lots of bleach, phenol, and well... whatever else that's needed.

LOL

As if... I don't think life would be as fascinating if I couldn't have my raw octopus sushi every so often. And my closest friend would murder if she was told she had to eat all of her steaks cooked to cardboard form.

But anyway, I just checked my grade for the class and I'm fairly content. I didn't get the 'A' that I had been hoping for. That's my fault cause I really should have tried studying more for the first test, because had that grade been a little higher, then I might have hit the borderline for an 'A' and I would at least feel good about it. I managed a high 'B' percent on the last test which then landed me a high 'B' percent in the class overall.

I'm content with it, but not ecstatic. Had I tried harder, I think results would have been different, but I got lazy and so it's my own damn fault that I didn't get that 'A' I wanted so badly.

But anyway again, in other news, everyone seems to be taking a few weeks off during this time as well. While I sit at home and allow my brain to turn into mush for a while before remolding at the end of the month, so are my brothers and my parents. Well, actually, the parental units are only taking a few days off at a time cause they couldn't take more than that, but they're still home and I'm still going to hear it from them regularly.

AT LEAST there's one thing I don't have to hear from them anymore:

As of yesterday evening, my friend and I have begun a rather vigorous exercise regimen wherein we kill ourselves slowly with 3 mile walks, 2 hour tennis playing in the hot beating sun, and another hour of going to the gym.

You know, image has never been an issue for me, but being obese and out of shape has been bothering me for the past few years and I find myself wondering when I ended up becoming so self-conscious about it. I mean, it's not like I was never self-conscious-- since the beginning of time, I've always had low self-esteem.

Growing up with parents who consistently, without fail, compare you to all three of your brothers and be told that you're fat on a regular basis and be told that you're a useless little girl if you don't learn how to cook, clean, take out the trash, babysit the boys, and be an eternal slave did NOTHING to help my already diminishing self-dignity. On top of that, you make friends with some of the smartest girls in school, spend your childhood known as "the crybaby" and are always afraid of what everyone thinks about you to the point that life holds no meaning anymore.

It was fun times until I hit high school and realized that I really did not care what anyone else thought. Truth be told, I followed in my older brother's footsteps for a while until I realized how stupid and retard that particular ideal was. My brother is not a god and has made more mistakes than any normal human being should be allowed. And through him, I learned that I really don't want to be just like him (set aside the fact that he is a male and I am not).

I stopped caring. My parents continued to tell me that I'm fat and slow and clumsy and useless. I continued my epic journey to prove them wrong by being an over-achiever and surpassing everyone in everything if I could manage it.

Okay, so I didn't quit caring what my parents thought about me, but that can't be helped since I've lived in my family's shadow my entire life.

But the fact of the matter was, as far as image goes, I never cared. I don't have a clue how much I weighed back in high school. I don't know what size pants I fit into and I did not care that all of my clothes came from the men's section of a clearance blowout from Venture two years prior. I did what I liked with my own preppy and casual "fashion". Life was so simple.

And then, somehow, after reaching college (as the only official child in this family still in college, then and now) I stopped caring even more. I've proven my point. My brother dropped out of college cause he couldn't handle it and I managed to stay in college... but because there was no more reason to prove to my parents that I'm the smartest person in this family, I just quit trying. No drive, no results. I wasn't even acknowledged anyway, and somehow, my brother was still their pride and joy.

My older brother is a very smart person. A genius, even, if he had simply been able to apply himself. He's successful now with a great position, a good paying job, and he has oodles of experience to back him up. I know this and I can finally acknowledge this-- college does not make one smarter and I feel it actually makes one dumber and more arrogant. I hate myself so much that it sucks.

Anyway, somewhere along the lines of that time period, I began to realize that my self-image was actually quite important to me. I learned from one doctor's office visit that I am way overweight and still gaining. This made me confused at first and then it made me frustrated.

How did I never feel that I was overweight? How did I never realize that I don't fit into my old clothes like I used to? And why is it that now that I've realized how fat I am, I just keep gaining and gaining? Every shirt is tighter now, every pair of jeans does not fit anymore, and food just makes me realize how much of a pig I am-- despite the fact that I still eat it all like its water.

So here I am, trying my best to get rid of all of this excessive weight that's ruined my perfectly good "I don't care about my image" reputation. I care now because I'd like to be able to fit into clothes without looking funny and without going through the XXX-large section every time. And I'd also like my parents to quit telling me that I'm fat and that I need to lose weight, but hey, have another piece of cake, it'll make you feel better.

Say what?

Whatever, I'm just listening to broken records.

Anyway, now that that's out, I need to jump back into my original subject... of which I don't even remember after having ranted my heart out to the world.

Well, I actually do have three weeks off until the Fall semester begins. Pending my work schedule, I think I'll spend a lot of my time going out with my friend and doing out work-outs. It's not like I have anything else to do, really.

And on top of that, even though I said that I'd let my brain turn into mush, I think I'lll end up pulling out my Blood Bank notes and reviewing them a little before classes start again. I need all the studying I can get, because we all know that I'm a useless, stupid, overweight slave girl.

Case closed: as soon as I'm done with this program, I'm seeking employment out of state so that I don't end up blowing my fat stupid brains out, which will happen if I continue to live under my parents' roof and under their constant scrutination of how I do things and why don't act more like my brothers.

One of these days, I hope that they realize that I AM their daughter and NOT their son and that if I am told that I'm fat and need to lose weight one more time, I might scream.

Fate, fat, me, and a new health regimen

I assume that the Fates are against me no matter what I try to do, but I will stick to this new "diet" plan and I will at least look good in something from Maurices this Saturday for my "birthday" gathering. In keeping with trying to lose weight (which is an ongoing struggle involving me, my parents, and good food) I've promised myself that this summer I will try to eat healthy as a means to at least not gain anymore than I already have. Exercise is beyond me since I'm a lazy ass and my school schedule doesn't leave much room for me to do much physical activities.

I did however, promise my friend that we would go on her three mile, treacherous journey in the park every weekend. I don't know if I have just signed my death certificate or not, cause I'm at least able to make it around and back alive without wheezing.

My exercise plan has always been, no exercise more vigorous than walking up and down a set of stairs.

But anyway, I started my day by eating breakfast, since apparently eating breakfast is a good way to make sure you don't eat too much dinner, which is a good way of making sure that you can digest everything throughout the day instead of cramming it all together at night and hoping that something digests before you go to sleep. And so, even though it wasn't a big breakfast, I still ate something: yogurt. Yeah, I know, it's not a big deal and nothing to write home about. But I've gotten so used to not eating breakfast that I now feel queasy because I did eat breakfast today.

It's not part of my usual consumption so it's starting to confuse my body.

Following breakfast, I had put together a few things for lunch: some leftover pasta from Red Beans and Bayou Grill, a small dose of peanut butter, and one apple. I managed to finish eighty percent of my apple with the peanut butter smeared on before I began to feel full. I forced myself to finish the rest of my apple and a good portion of the peanut butter and I now continue to feel queasy. I didn't even bother to touch the leftover pasta and may end up throwing that, plus the rest of the portion of my leftovers that I left at home, away into the trash.

Peanut butter is freakishly filling and I think I know how I'm going to control my diet now. I don't think that peanut butter is going to completely fatten me up if I eat it all the time, but I know I'll probably end up getting sick of it easily.

This only means that I need to come up with other lunch ideas.

In other news, I'm turning twenty-five next week and I feel much older than that.

In school I've just begun the "new semester" but the summer semester really doesn't start until two weeks from today. But I'm already in class and cramming new material and listening to noisy classmates talk about nothing in particular. Every so often, someone will yell out something random and only one out of ten times is it actually something humorous enough to make me chuckle to myself. Other times it's just annoying and you don't know whether to laugh or to roll your eyes; I probably do the latter without realizing it.

But it's okay, because I'm good at selective hearing and I sometimes chose to think that I don't know or care about what's going on anyway. Life in class is beginning anew once again, and it just feels like the end is not very far away even though there is still so much to go through.

Anyway, well, there's little else to mention. My new "diet" plan is going to annoy me and make me cranky, because they always do. On top of that, my friend has always been so stuck on her ideas that her ideas of a good "diet" regimen is going to get on my nerves. Friends who are head strong are so hard to talk to if you really don't want to piss them off.

Plans... but not really

I actually have a Friday off from work this week, which I would be completely ecstatic about if I didn't have finals coming up. It also doesn't help that the one person I would normally be hanging out with is in Louisiana right now. I can't exactly take my own road trip to Louisiana just to hang out for the night. By the time I get there, I'll have to turn around and come right back because even with Friday night off, I still have to work on Saturday.

So as a means to remain as productive as possible, I've made my own stay-at-home plans to sit in one place all night and do some studying. I have one take home final to finish up, which will probably take a couple hours cause it's really long. And then I have a test to skim notes for on Monday. And then Finals will begin to conquer my life next week.

I've already told my friends that I won't be very present in the following week... or for the next few weeks... months... even the rest of the year. I will be buried beneath text books and they'll be wondering whether or not I'm still alive enough to hang out. And if so, will I become cranky all of a sudden.

At work, I've been run ragged from those groups of people who think that banquet servers are like magic and can teleport from one end of the hallway to another within seconds. And I swear, I think one of those women last night thought I had more than two hands, because she kept trying to hand me her dirty plate even though I was already carrying more than my share of stuff.

People never cease to amuse me.

And then there are those coworkers who simply don't know when to stop talking about their personal lives. Well, it's fine if you want to vent... but really now, some times too much information is too much information and I'd rather not be listening to certain things. Makes you feel a little awkard. And then you don't know what to say and silence ensues.

And then we change the subject to "So I saw the funniest thing yesterday" to which you try and claw at some random humorous event you may or may not have seen, be it yesterday or not. It's okay, amusing things happen regularly. There's bound to be something you can tell your friends about to make the awkward silence go away before someone shoots someone else.

In other news, my dad has gone into ultra monetary nag mode once again and I have to start thinking about how I shall pay both my parents back for all the money I've spent of their's since the beginning of my life. It's like he thinks that I can just pull some wads of hundred dollar bills out of my ass and hand it to him. Really now, my dead beat job doesn't even pay enough for me to be handing out hundreds of dollars... even for fun.

And my younger brother who makes more money than I do at his job thinks that I have money to "pay back" my parents for stuff. I really, really wanted to punch him. I think I wanted to punch him more when he asked me whether or not I'm sure I'd be finding a job after this Med Tech program is over and done with. You know, because according to him, all med techs do the exact same thing anyway, so why do we need so many of them? Two can handle a lab right? I really, really, really about punched him then.

The little prick has always been a bit arrogant just because he has a nice full-time job with good benefits and I don't. I guess he forgot to consider that he had gotten his nice little full-time job with good benefits through connection. Basically, my older brother said, let him work here... and they did. My older brother never did something like that for me. The little prick didn't even have to go for an interview and was hired on because he was recommended by one of company's favorite whipping boys.

And me... through connection, I got a dead beat, $2.35/hr plus gratuities job where you can either have no hours, be run to death, or sit around and make money. Take your pick, I hate working with customers and pretending that I'm a cheery, happy-go-lucky person, but it's all I got right now. I'm not ungrateful that my uncle connected me, but this is not exactly a real job, and I didn't even have an interview. And so I'm not going around gloating about it as if I were better than my brother who has a nicer job.

I really, really feel like hitting him sometimes.

But anyway, all of this is relative.

In a perfect life, my ideal job would be where I sit at my desk all day long, write stories, review all sorts of stuff and make money from it. I like to just sit and write, but of course, this isn't a perfect world and if it were, it would probably bore me to death.

I'm so, so hard to please despite being an easily amused person-- those are two different things anyway.

The near future and a funny smell

This break room literally reeks of formaldehyde from the gross anatomy class and it's giving me a headache.

Aside from that, I really should be studying for my finals and other tests upcoming, but my mind is kind of preoccupied with nothing right now. I'm just on that downslope we like to call "Slacker Hell" wherein I try to come up with all reasons possible to procrastinate and put off staring at endless slides of notes and study questions.

It's horrible, but it's nearing the end of the semester and I tend to do things like that because... well, it feels easier. I've lost steam these past few weeks and really, all I want to do is sit around and do nothing.

Granted, I've been forcing myself to study and I've been finishing up all the homework and take-home finals I have, but that doesn't mean that studying for upcoming finals are going to be less arduous. I'm straining and I hate it.

At home, my mind is more interested in playing an endless game of Trivial Pursuit with my brother even though we've probably already recycled all the answer three times. Movies are more enticing and I'm sitting through reruns of the first three seasons of FREINDS just because I can-- not to say I'm not enjoying it since FRIENDS is one of my favorite series.

And I think that I may have even ticked off one of my friends because I've been ignoring her on account of my being buried in work and suddenly I want to go out and do something. But lo and behold, she's leaving town-- of which she's probably already told me ten times plus when she would be leaving and I just kept forgetting.

I am a great friend!

The smell of formaldehyde isn't getting any better and there doesn't seem to be a way to fix it.

And lately, I've been having the weirdest dreams about a certain somebody that I would rather not make public. Let's just say that I'm relieved that at least not all of them are... well, rated adult. Oh my god! Don't tell me that stupid virgin sexual frustration is finally catching up with me...

Okay, TMI. I'm sorry. Just ignore all of that. I think when I stop staring at endless med tech notes and school work, I'll be able to come back into reality and be a normal person. Well, at least I'll be able to be the person I was before I... crossed further into the realm of insanity. So everyone just has to deal with it for another year. And then after that, you only have to deal with my usual abnormal self.

In other news, I think I'm botching up my "Musings of a Random Girl" series by going too far overboard into the reality sector. I need to take out at least 60% of the truths in those short stories and replace them some fiction, otherwise, I'm just ranting and ranting is always best left for the blogs. In the story, it needs to be more than just me screaming injustices at the world.

In fact, the first two shorts of "Musings" are actually perfect with the exception of those too close to personal reality stuff. Without them, the stories would probably be left without substance, but I don't want to use too much of personal reality to write them. I'd rather make up half of it like I sort of did with the second story. So a lot of rewriting will be in order even though those are the official first stories I have ever finished to the end without it being part of a school assignment a la Creative Writing class which did nothing to boost my ego and did nothing to improve my writing skills except to tell me that I'm wordy.

Oh yea... I'm extremely wordy. I'm random, I ramble, I'm wordy, and I take forever to get to the point if there ever was one. It can't be helped, but it's going to be the death of me. I was alway hoping that I could balance out wordy with humor, but I'm not sure if it works that way. We'll just have to see.

I have a friend who has agreed to read my two finished products and critique them harshly. So if I come back to the blog with a depressing, virtually tear-stained post, that will be why.

Anyway, I have a lab practical to do in about forty-five minutes; and so in order for life to continue on, I must prevail. Or whatever. I'm a geek and I pathetically admit that I'm a loser too.

None of the above has anything to do with anything, and now I'm just rambling even more.

Back to school and back to insanity

So Spring Break was a week ago, but time flies and it didn't even feel like it was that long ago nor does it feel like it was only a week ago. Spring Break pretty much just disappeared before I even knew what I was doing with it.

I had had so much planned to do on all of those days off, and it amounted to nothing whenever I sat down and realized that there were other things I'd rather be doing than studying or finishing my homework. And so instead of catching up, I'm still at that same standing point I was at before Spring Break had started.

And now I'm two tests later and I feel like slacking off some more. There are at least twenty more questions of my Serology homework that needs to be done, but I am in no mood to finish it... as can be concluded from the fact that I'm blogging instead of working. It's just so much easier.

School is going rather well, I'd say, as I'm not totally bombing tests and I'm actually enjoying a lot of the lab exercises that we do. I actually understand a lot of it too. So all is great and I'm still looking forward to finishing all of this up so that I don't have to spend everyday studying and looking up information that I don't already know.


In other news, I've been trying to get back into the mood of writing. A few stories are getting a new dose of brainstorming, while a few newer stories are being developed. I'm a pathetic writer who can't seem to choose one story and stick to it until it finishes, and so even though I say that I've been writing, it's not really getting very far. In fact, I think I reread my material more than I come up with new drafts for the rest of the story.

Yea, pathetic-ness is my forte, apparently.

Since when have I been able to think about plans outside of homework...

I am so ecstatic, cause I feel like I finally have a couple days to breathe. Aside from having one exam in Chemistry and one small, very, very small quiz in Hematology, there's not much else I need to worry about this week. Just as well-- and I blame our down falling economy-- I have absolutely no work hours this week. The only big things happening are during the day, in which I'm in class, and one party on Saturday, in which my mother told me to get the day off because the parental units would like to take a few days and go somewhere.

And yes! Spring Break is coming around the corner and I feel refreshed. I only have two exams right after Spring break, but I'm quite caught up with one of the two classes that I'm not too worried... yet. I'm sure the panic will finally catch up to me halfway through Spring Break and I realize I haven't really been able to memorize every last detail of my notes. And then I'll lose sight of all my homework assignments, my mind will go blank, and I'll sleep in on the day of...

My worst nightmare-- which I had a couple weeks back-- happened to be me sleeping in until way after all the classes are over and still trying to rush out the door in hopes that I can still make it in time to finish my exam within ten minutes. But alas, the class period is already over and now I'm failing and I still can't figure out why the heck I can't find a decent pair of jeans to wear out the door.

Well, I've had worse nightmares, but this is one that I am adamant will never happen. And to make absoute sure, I have at least three alarms in place to wake me up every morning. And my mom serves as a persistent alarm as well.

But anyway, this week will allow me a tad bit of slack. After my exam on Wednesday, I think I'll make some plans to do other things and take a breather away from school for at least one day. I'm craving some good eating despite my lack of money, but if I continue to stare at my computer and notes and more notes, I think I might lose my mind-- not that I haven't already lost it.

In the midst of all of this chaos of going back to school, I am extremely annoyed to find that my motivation to write has been coming back to me. Of course it would, because it's something I'd rather be doing over studying constantly. And so my mind is coming up with any way possible to drag myself away from text books and notes and dumping my fragile brain on top of unfinished stories with new ideas that if I don't write down now, I'll never remember again.

Yea... I love you too brain. You strive to ruin my life and make me miserable, don't you? I thank you for your efforts. One of these days, I may have to bring you out and put you on a pedestal for worship.

But just you wait, as soon as my year and a half of this studying and cramming is over, I will overflow you with poisonous alcoholic products so that all those awesomeness brain cells will have to take a nice long vacation. Just you wait.

Nah... I haven't quite gone completely insane yet.

Sleep deprived and clawing at what little gray matter I have

Yea, I'm tired. After taking and barely passing two exams last week with an A and a B, I have just taken another test today. Tomorrow there will be an even harder exam, and then yet another one for Friday.

On top of that, I still have about fifty to sixty homework questions to finish by next Thursday when I will also be taking another exam.

From here on out, there will be at least one exam every week.

And I have a cold. It was kind of like "Hey, you have five plus exams to take in the coming week or two, but we don't think you're miserable enough. Here, have a cold. Enjoy. No returns, no refunds. But you have to keep it until you're done being stressed out. This is how we build strength in our future."

Yea. Whatever. Now I'm just delusional.

At least I'm keeping up with a few of my classes pretty well. Hematology and Blood Banking are being awfully good to me. Chemistry is a give or take, depending on how well I can manage to understand/memorize the class lecture. Molecular Diagnostics is a lost cause, so I'm just going to have to do what I can to "know everything" and then wing it. As for Lab Management, there are a lot of common sense things that could simply be derived from a real work place-- I think it'll be fine. Serology is going to be strenuous-- I can already feel it, because of the homework and all the studying I don't know how to do.

So anyway, maybe I should stop slacking off in class and actually pay attention. Not that I can right now. My nose is stuffed, my chest is congested, and my throat is a bit itchy, scratchy sore. My head is fuzzy and my muscles ache like heck. And now I'm hungry as well.

Okay, so after this bout of drama, I think I'll mellow out a bit. I've got lots of studying to do tonight, and I promised a date with one of my best friends who I've been ignoring for three weeks, probably, because of all of my classes. She thinks I died, but I assured her that I'm not that lucky right now since it seems more fun to make me miserable with the inability to breath, think, sleep, or even really see anything.

Voices echo in my head, though I'm not so sure that it has to do with this cold...

And I'm done ranting.

Someone Help Me

I need the perfect remedy to stop falling asleep in class. It just never fails that falling asleep during class happens. And when I least expect it, the damn "falling asleep in class" problem hits me over the head-- then I start nodding, my eyes start drooping, my entire body slumps, and then the next thing I know, I'm drifting in and out of sleep.

I've been trying not to indulge anymore in gourmet coffee a la Starbucks because of the expense and the high calorie intake, but I have a feeling I may have to start consuming my morning shot of caffeine again. I can't stand the taste of coffee and the only way for me to drink coffee is to drink it from Starbucks. I'm not being superficial or anything, this is just the way it happened. It's either that or I stock up on Mountain Dew, and I'm not about to do that either cause I hate the taste of Mountain Dew.

The only other way for me to stay awake in class is... well, it's doing this. I'm currently paying attention to typing out this SOS blog post and I'm not paying attention in class.

Somehow, I don't think this is a good idea either.

Amateur Blood Sucker

No, this has nothing to do with some new monster or organism I may have discovered.

I stuck my first victim today... Actually, I stuck two people. Only one of them gave me the tube of blood that I needed to attempt to collect. It's a new milestone for me, cause I never thought I'd be able to do something like that. The thought of puncturing someone's skin just to collect five milliliters of blood...

But anyway, I got a good, yet mild, rush from my first tube of blood collected. It's not like, jumping for joy exciting, but I'm satisfied with myself and I want to try it again. Not because I'm twisted and some sort of blood loving sicko, but because I want to keep sticking until I can do it without even thinking about it.

Then again, my idea of working as a Med Tech has always been more on the "No Patient Contact" side of things. I prefer to sit at my own little seat at my own little counter, inside the lab, and NOT have to make contact with patients. And that's the stuff we'll be doing soon anyway... it just so happened that drawing blood is something that we also need to learn how to do.

At least I know that I can do it now without too much trouble. I thought that I would be nervous out of my mind. I think I stayed pretty composed.

But anyway, as thus far goes, classes are not too bad. The only issue I have is with a specific teacher who I can't seem to stay awake for. On top of having a rather broken style of English, she's also pretty monotonous and reads all the slides verbatim. I have my laptop open doing other things in her class just so that I can stay awake.

I'm totally into my Hematology class, and as one can tell, am ecstatic about working in the lab. Blood banking is pretty interesting and new and the other courses are so-so. As stated already, I'm really looking forward to everything else in the rest of the program.

But anyway, school is good, days are long and tiring and I fight sleep now as I continue to try adjusting to being up early in the mornings again.

Happy New Year to all once again!

Med Tech Ahoy! -- Part 2 -- The Beginning

So I begin my new journey into a new route for my future. Really, that's just a fancy way of saying, "My first plan didn't work, so let's go to plan B... Ahah! Plan B is go for action. All is right in the world again." But really, I am looking forward to taking these Medical Technology courses. The entire program is laid out in an extremely vigorous and organized manner that even I couldn't screw it up if I tried.

To recap, the whole idea of getting yet another bachelor's degree is fully an intention of my own to pursue both a backup route for my future career as well as to secure working (and training) experience in the lab. Erego, I can finally say that I have a plan and I can even tell those job search forensic lab places that I have worked in a lab, with lots of different fun lab instruments and machines, and have been taught in the way of bodily specimen analysis... hopefully.

I hate to say that I'm using Medical Technology for my own devious plans, but really, it's not like I won't be working for the greater good of the people if I don't stick with being a Medical Technologist, right? Okay, so now I don't even make sense to myself.

My ultimate goal in life is really to become-- in some way, shape or form-- a good forensic scientist. My next step after securing a steady income and lab experience is to head on into further education. A Masters in the Forensic Sciences, if you will. This, in the end, is what I truly want at the moment.

Maybe in a few years I'll feel differently, but I even have the school I want to go to picked out. It's just a matter of finding out what I need to do to get into said school, a la advisors, information, etc, etc, etc... Money has always been an issue as well, and I'm not quite sure how all the financial aids, work aids, working grants, and whatnot actually work. I'm ignorant, I will admit that. But at this point in time, I have a pretty straight tracked mind-- finish this, then worry about that. It's probably not the best way to think of things since it keeps me from realizing the bigger picture, but if I try to do too many things at once, I can easily confuse my feeble mind.

Then where would we be? Well, everyone else can happily do whatever, but I'm sure I'd be in a world of confused messiness.

Again, I'm simple and I'm ignorant. Yes, my world is sucky, but it's comfortable.

But anyway, I start classes tomorrow morning. Everyday from eight o'clock in the morning up until passed noon, I will be learning the tricks of this new trade. Again, I am quite looking forward to this new endeavor, not only because of the future groundwork I'm laying, but also because the classes just sound really cool.

This semester its the first parts of each base course: Hematology, Clinical Chemistry, Immunohematology (of which they call Blood Banking), Serology, Clinical Diagnostics and Lab Management. Along the way, we are to incorporate everything into one whole, which is something that high school has never taught us... individual courses in college don't do jack to help a student take things from one class and apply it to the next either...

In the summer, I will be hooked on Microbiology, as I will be taking ten credit hours of it, including a two week, vigorous, nonstop Special Topics in Microbiology course that I absolutely cannot miss. In this matter, I shall tearfully wave good-bye to my twenty-fifth birthday while being tied down to microbiology lab work.

Have I ever mentioned that Microbiology is one of my favorite subjects? It's only second to Genetics. Granted, I would have done much better in that class had I not gotten a full on case of Slack-itis, but I loved all the lab work we did for Microbiology. Genetics is just extremely difficult and so I didn't get much out of it, but I really enjoyed it nonetheless.

In mentioning this specific aspect to friends, I got called a nerd. I would take it a good way because I like being a nerd, but I'm not sure being called a nerd at that point had been intended for good... -_-

But anyway, the rest of the program ends with the second part of the classes I'm taking this semester, during the fall. And then next spring, I officially begin my five month rotations and get to do some hands on.

I feel a bit excited, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to force myself to keep up. I still have remnants of Slack-itis, and my study habits are not getting any better. I guess I just have to keep telling myself that after this one year and five months, I shall be scott free from school-- for awhile-- and will have a better chance at a better job than I have now.

Wish me luck? I know I'll need a lot of it. I just hope I don't screw anything up too early in the program.

On a side note, I get a nifty little name tag and a lab coat. I feel like when I was back in high school and got put into some significant, teacher's pet organization-- somehow like I'm suddenly more important than I was before.

Hell, I am some naive little nerd. Such a loser... but a proud one at that!

So everyone just carry on now.

I'm a Jerk... Read to Learn More

So for the past three weeks I've been hounded by my parents about enrollment and tuition and whether or not I've got my class schedule for next semester taken care of. I personally have been wondering about it as well, because, after all, this is my future career we're talking about here and this is really, really important to me.

Never mind that there are other issues in my life and never mind that people are asking me about my social life as well. I'm one tracked right now, and all I care about is my education and what I'm going to be doing after I graduate with yet another degree-- hopefully more useful than the last one.

"I'll take care of it," I've been telling my parents. "I've been accepted into the program, and I've paid my deposit for a seat. They have to let me enroll, no matter what." I didn't tell my parents that the current head of the department also told me that a lot of this stuff would be taken care of within the couple weeks after and before semester.

My parents, of course, only want results now.

"I've been in contact with her (the department head)," I tell my parents. "We're working on it." Okay, so it was a bit of a fib, but whatever anyone says, I have been in contact with the department head and I am slowly, but surely, working on it. It's just not working the way they (or even I for the matter) have been expecting it.

So in order to not feel like an ass for forgetting a lot of what I've been told about the enrollment process, I figure I would call out to the department and get word for word how it's all going to work. In which case, I can then relay to my parents that everything is going as planned and that there is no need to worry at all about anything... yet.

Of course, even though I'm a bit lax about this whole situation, I've had those moments where I'm panicking as well, thinking that I've been forgotten. After all, my acceptance letter hadn't been sent to me when all the other letters were sent out and I got a little worried that my second letter might have gotten mixed up again.

So I call...

"Well, what happened was, I was in a car wreck and I've been out for a week..."

Okay, this was NOT what I expected to hear from someone I was about to get on about forgetting about me.

"Don't worry, I didn't forget about you."

Double shit...

And then I commence my apologies for anything and everything I can think of that I may or may not have done wrong to this woman. I'm sorry for calling you at this time. I'm sorry if I'm rushing you. I'm sorry for bothering you. I had no idea. I'm sorry about what happened. I'm so, so, so sorry that I'm even living and breathing and giving you a hard time. Please accept my humble apologies because I don't deserve to live anymore.

And while I'm here apologizing, she's trying to rant about the new department head's decision to change all the schedules and flip flop things that shouldn't be touched. And I really should be listening because I already screwed up by assuming that I'd been forgotten and I was a little peeved...

Well... things will be worked out indeed. But before that, I think I need to go on a bit of a shopping trip to find this current department head a massive apology/thank you gift.

Because right now, I feel like the world's biggest ass.

I shall commence lamenting and try to repent my sins by offering sacrifices of my own blood, fat, and other bodily fluids that may help mankind out. Organ donations can be signed for at the front desk, but none are being distributed until I actually kick the bucket and die in my freak accident.

Med Tech Ahoy!!

So I just received word that I've been accepted into the Medical Technology program. Hopefully this will be the next step out into my not so stable and not so established career.

I'm kind of giddy because I was extremely worried that I wouldn't get accepted since I've been having problems with one particular professor and my reference letter. Hopefully I can talk him into finishing it up and sending it in for the record.

But, all in all, I'm extremely ecstatic.

I've been accepted!

I haven't anything else to really say about it. I can't wait to get started!

Through Me X 2 and Paintball Battle Wounds

On Sunday my brothers, their friends, and I went to Frog Holler for a nice game of paint ball. Or rather... we were demolished by a bunch of cheating loud mouth kids. But that's not the point.

We had fun. It's been about five years since the last time I went paintballing, I think. The last time I went was, of course, with my three brothers and one of big brother's friends. The refs out there were rather nice and allowed us to play against each other instead of with strange people who like to shoot newbies because they know they can.

Sadly, I'm cursed with always being on the losing side. Or maybe I've just got the worst luck ever. Or maybe I just suck at paint ball.

The only other time I went paintballing was so, so long ago when I'd just started college and my big brother was engaged to some girl he'd met at a restaurant and had been dating for three months. Again, it was me, the brothers, and this time it was also a bunch of the little brother's crazy friends (I emphasize crazy, immensely). Also thrown into the bunch was big brother's fiancee's little sister who was a freshmen in high school at the time.

We played all day. I got tired. For the very last game, I sat out and watched as my little brother and his friend did a nice little kamikaze down the hill into enemy territory to steal the victory. My brother is crazy like that. He likes to rush the battle field instead of wait patiently in hopes that paintballs will zip by you without contact and the game will end without you having to do anything or move anywhere.

So I play cautious. No big deal. I'm just clumsy and would rather secure my best efforst in not getting hit and thrown out of the game rather than getting hit as soon as I set foot into the game. This means no senseless movements or rushing forward. I'm quite content staying in the back.

This time around at paintball, I tried to do something... The key term here is that I tried. It didn't really work out too well though and I stayed in the back and shot randomly at anyone who looked like they were about to get up.

Still, I had fun. And then the next day there was the aching pain of muscles rebelling. Also, the very first place I was actually hit on my body was my neck and my back. Big purple and ugle bruises. My coworkers are swearing up and down that I've been naughty and that the bruise on my neck is really a hickey.

Right, like in this lifetime I would actually be able to experience getting a hickey at all.

But anyway. Onto other news.

If I hadn't already mentioned it, Grandma has completely moved into her new house and will no longer have to return to her drabby, aging, ancient, bad neighborhood, bolt the doors down to keep people out house. We're all a little gratified that Grandma no longer has to be paranoid that some stupid street kid will decide to break in.

I'm moving along at snail's pace in my efforts to A)find a better job, and B) get into the Medical Technology program to ensure a good opportunity in the future. But I met with the Med Tech department head and she says that not only will I like the program, but I've also got the typical personality of a Medical Technologist. She also mentioned that I'm just like her in those respects. I feel a little more calm because I almost feel like I've already guaranteed myself a spot in the program.

Not a time to get my hopes up yet, but I'll look forward to it.


Finally, I've been stuck on other things for a while including watching the rest of Moonlight Resonance, doing my homework and working overtime. When I received my little author alert about Maeven's newest story updates, I kind of blew them off for a while. Then, not long after, I checked my email again yesterday and found yet another update. I'm quite ecstatic, and so I'm off to read the two newest chapters of Through Me 21 and 22. Soon we shall see what will occur between our favorite heroes and the little conflict that's been brought to light.

As for Moonlight Resonance, I may or may not comment on the series as a whole later on. But for now, I can mention that as much as I liked it and as much as I preferred it to its predecessor, I'm a little disappointed at the outcome and how things were played out. More on this later.

Heroes and Too Much Work

So the third season of Heroes has begun to air. I missed the season premier, but fortunately was graced with online streaming and so I saw it anyway.

It was a jam-packed two episode premier, and the effect was rather "Whoa!" because within these two simple fourt-five minute episodes, too much happens. I don't want to give away too many spoilers, but let's just say that everyone seems a lot more emo than they were from season 1. In season 2, there hadn't been too much time to elaborate on the degree of emo that our "heroes" end up in because Hollywood's writers decided to go on strike and ended Heroes in the middle of the season.

The very first scene of the first episode, I swear, probably came right out of a Matrix movie scene. I think that what Claire was wearing is a dead-copy of Trinity's usual pick of clothing.

But anyway, despite the immense complications and increase in mysteries, more adventures are being added on and I'm looking forward to the rest of the season.

Peter is on a mission to "save the world" as he always seems to be, but this time there's an interesting twist that is revealed at the very beginning. Hiro, of course, is so dead set on being a hero that he may end up screwing up horribly this time. For once, his best friend is the one with the level-head and his wits among him. Claire is as emotional as ever and probably more so after an encounter with Sylar. After being shot by a "mysterious assailant" back in season two, Nathan has become somewhat... looney, which is a shame because he was probably the more normal, more intelligent, more stable of all the heroes in the entire series. Suresh has lost it... completely, and I'll leave it at that. We know nothing of what happened to Niki/Jessica or her son and relatives... but OMG, there's a Niki look-alike out there?!!

Anyway, there are so many new things going on and so much revealed and so many more new questions brought to attention. And this is all just within the first two episodes so I can only wonder what the rest of the series is going to be like. You don't get a chance to stop for breath when you're watching Heroes cause if you stop paying attention for even a second, you may just miss something very important.

Also, we get to reunite with Claire's biological mother once again, and Angela Petrelli finally displays what her great power is.

As a spoiler, my brother told me that the very last episode is revealed to be titled "War." I have quite the ideas on what will incur during this third volume of Heroes. And being that season two couldn't really elaborate on the "Generations", hopefully it won't take away the effect of volume three's "Villians" because there's a significance to this title.

***

In other news, I'm tired of homework. Case closed. Although I haven't had much time to do my homework what with my part-time job and with my... obsessed attachment to Warhammer Online.

But seriously, I need to learn how to self-discipline myself. Otherwise, there may be some problems. I've successfully contacted all the professors for the sake of my application into the Medical Technology program and hopefully it will be smooth sailing from here on out. If I can get in, I can begin working my way into a lab and getting acquainted with that so-called "experience" that every job employer is looking for.

The holidays are approaching quickly with Halloween around the corner and Thanksgiving and Christmas not too far behind. You might say that the latter two are still two months away, but time, I've discovered, flies be so quickly that you don't even have time to comment on how far away Christmas feels.

After this semester, I'll have completed Immunology and will have no other class to take until my acceptance into Medical Technology. And so I'll have a whole semester free of school work so maybe I should consider searching for a different part-time job to occupy my time.

If I may do so, I feel I should take that semester to work on my writing as well as my anime and manga blog other things.

On a side note, I am fully pumped and ready to go about dieting because in another ten pounds, I think I may just go shoot myself. Thus, joining a gym may not be a bad idea... though I think in the end, I may just start looking for a KSS class to take for the sake of being a student out there and being out at the gym at WSU. And because I'm not too certain about whether or not I'll be kicked of my student status if I don't take a class during one of the semesters...

Anyway. Whatever.

A Useless Degree and Post-work-non-sleep Trauma Disorder

This is really what my work station looks like. It's a lot messier, but I left out a bit of the... other stuff that no one probably wants to see.
So my days of studying haven't ended. Because of the stupid no-use degree I've gotten from WSU is, well, of no use to me right now, I was told that maybe I should get certified for something else instead. Another degree, another two years of studying. I think I'm destined to be forever be trapped in a prison of text books, lecture notes, and pop-up quizzes.

Basically everywhere I've looked to find a job that says that they "only require a bachelor's degree in biology, chemistry, forensic science, or any related physical sciences" are all lying. I have no experience in the field and thus I'm an immediate foul out. No one wants me.

Stupid catch twenty-two. Without experience no one will hire me, but if no one hires me, where am I actually supposed to be getting this so called experience. I'm already not bothering to apply for jobs that include the words "Must have at least x years experience in the field/lab/ect..." and stuff similar to that. Cause I already know I'm not going to get those.

But I wish people wouldn't waste my time with those only a bachelor's degree necessary advertisements. It's a big disappointment when I'm not hired and I know exactly why.

But anyway, I guess for now it all comes down to, I'm not really that interested in finding a job that has nothing to do with what I've studied and so I'm being stubborn. That and I'm not really "allowed" to leave Wichita right now for my own personal reasons. And so instead of doing that, I will pursue yet another degree which may or may not ensure that I will at least find a suitable job and remain in Wichita for the rest of my life, toiling away like a little slave girl because all I have are three brothers in a family completely dominated by the male species.

No, I'm not bitter. Not bitter at all.

Nothing hurts my pride more than hearing the words "because you're a girl." If anyone other than my father says that to me in the future, I swear I'll rip him a new one. And here I am assuming that only a guy will say something like that to me when some of the females are equally guilty of associating "things that cannot be done" with "because you're a girl."

Yeah... I'm a girl. I'm a stubborn girl as well. Don't tell me I can't do something for that stupid reason. At least tell me it's because I'm stupid or because I don't have the skill or because I'm short or some other lame, non-related reason. I'd probably take it a little bit better than, "because you're a girl."

But I digress.

The busy workdays have just begun at the Hilton Hotel and in banquets, we are all suffering from post-KIOGA activity trauma. I believe the very morning after the whole full day event, having gotten only three hours of sleep within my forty-eight plus hours of work, I ended up with a sore throat. The next day it became a cold and constant coughing. It remains up to today and has returned to being an annoying little dry cough that will sneak its way up my throat and out of my mouth when I least want it to. I think I'm beign haunted or something. I really should have slept all week instead of agreeing to go into work more hours.

But money makes the world go round. No matter that I don't make enough of it to be significant.

This has become a big part of my diet in the past two days. It could probably take over for breakfast and lunch. And yes, that is a box of pocky right next to it. Doesn't help me feel better, but looking at it gives me hope of some kind. Well, not really, but I can still hope.
So anyway, Medical Technology seems to be my new calling code. I've learned that by the end of the coursework, they will give me an opportunity to work as an extern in labs around Wichita. The biggest obstacle right now is actually finishing up my application and turning it in.

I'm kind of stuck on the three references I need in order to apply as well as a "why do you want to be a medical technologist?" short paragraph essay. Now do I tell them that I don't really want to be a medical technologist and that I just need a way to get my foot in a lab? Or do I make up some extravagant story about how I want to better mankind? Do people even really do that? Want to better mankind and help people and thus choose to become a doctor, medical technologist, nurse, ect...?

Or maybe I should just use my practical reason. I want to be able to work in a lab and learn more about medicine through this route and thus survive my life because without a good job, I've no money and thus I can't pay the bills. Please accept me so that I may approach my first step of entering into the lab environment and find a good job. Thank you very much.

Yeah... that's a winning reason right there.

Before I can even get into the degree program I need to finish up this class first. Medical Immunology. It sounds fun and interesting really.

If anyone wants this book in the future, please let me know. I may never use it again and it cost me a third of my last paycheck. I really need a new job.

In final news, my grandmother is finally moving out of her dump of a neighborhood home and into one half an hour away from us on the other side of town in the area I like to call "rich person ville." I'm a west sider-- has it ever amazed anyone just how divided by directions Wichitans are? I don't like the east side, but I'm not prejudice. Call me a hypocrite cause that's probably what I am. At least grandma doesn't have to lock up every door and window with extra security every night before she sleeps. And my uncle now lives closer to his workplaces.

Post, post end note, today I lost a part of my glasses and so I have to revert to using an older pair. Not that I care, my backup pair is the same perscription and a nice style too. But this just means I have to get my newer, more fashionable pair fixed. What a drag. I don't even really want to leave home right now. I'm so tired.