Maybe a thousand words, maybe not

I was rereading through the blog I used to keep a long time ago. After the first one, I realized that that blog had been kept sometime AFTER I graduated from high school. I guess I can't very well say that I wrote a lot of those entries during my "high school, drama queen, emo years" anymore. Because apparently, up until 2005 while still in college, I still had a very drama queen-esque mind set. I almost can't even remember what life was like for me during those first few years in college; all I can recall is tons of school work, tons of slacking and tons of boredom. Oh yea, and I spent those first two to three years in college not quite knowing what to do with myself.

Anyway, the following is a post I had written as one of my few first blog posts "back in the day". I've edited it just a little bit, but the gist of it all is the same as when I'd written it. Thought I'd share some of my younger thoughts that are somewhat "non-emo" even IF they are extremely exaggerated. I'm just amused at some of the ways I've described things:

On October 18, 2002 at 5:53 P.M. ani wrote:

A Story Can Be a Thousand Words

Ever since I began writing fanfiction, I'd thought that I had found something that I was good at.

My friends all have some sort of fine arts-y type creative talent or skill. A few sing, a few write awesome poetry, one or two have an incredible talent in drawing, sketching, painting... art stuff. They're all just so good and I've always wanted to be able to do something out of the ordinary.

Not solely anything like getting good grades at school. Anybody can do that if they just set their minds to it. No offense to anyone out there, but academically, ANY person is able to get good grades.

But talent, creative talent: singing, dancing, painting... stuff like that... and even sports... All of that... I don't have anything like that.

My voice sounds like a scratched up metal can lodged in a donkey's throat: "Hee haw!" I am NOT coordinated and thus dancing is out of the question. I was once told that I was dyslexic... that means unable to tell left from right... right? I trace... no sketching, no painting, no drawing... I trace... -_- As for sports... refer to the fact that I am not well coordinated and thus, no way will I be able to catch a fly ball. Besides, I'm not in shape enough to even run the length of a basement room without grabbing for an oxygen tank.

All in all -- I've got nothing going for me. At least that's what I'd always thought. In my mind, academic achievement just doesn't outshine anyone at all and it doesn't... well, shine or stand out at all.

I mean, how many people out there are really popular nerds? No offense to anyone at all. Take a poll of all the "popular" kids in your high school. How many of them don't have some sort of extra-curricular activity going for them or some sort of creative talent? I know for a fact that those at my old high school were all in some way related to the football team, the dance team, the cheer squad or the fine arts department. And people like me... well...........

But to the point now: (finally) I discovered my talent two years... actually three years ago. I love to write, which is basically what I'm doing right now, even though this is just a blog. I write stories and stuff.

However, I'm almost afraid that my writing inspirations are beginning to wane and that my writing skills and style are beginning to dissipate. It's scaring me that soon, I probably won't even be able to write another story... or finish the ones I've begun because my skills are beginning to go away.

It was never a natural thing for me. I've always written stories... they were just never good enough. I just like writing, even though I don't have what it takes for a true author to shine.

So does this count as a talent?

Dramatic much? I guess I never really grew up from my high school drama years until A LOT later on in my life. Maybe in the year 2008 when I started this very blog? Or maybe in 2005 when I finally stopped blogging in my old blog? I'm not saying that I'm completely drama-free, but I've stopped exaggerating a lot of things. Then again, my writing style was pretty much in the form of exaggerated detail and LOTS of detail, period. I wouldn't even really be able to tell anyone whether or not my blog posts back then were because I was really that dramatic, or if I had written that way just for the added dramatic effect. I totally loved detail and the more the merrier was my stance on writing.

After all, I wanted my blog (which was read only by myself back then) to sound interesting and loud and well... just more exciting than my truly bland life.

But really now: "a scratched up metal can lodged in a donkey's throat"? How in this life did I even come up with something like that? O.o Of course, while a little exaggerated, some of this stuff was true. But in the present, I don't think I would say that my voice sounds akin to a donkey's. Maybe a haggard old woman? :P

I think I bring up this blog post only because I'm kind of in a similar mindset right now -- about my writing. For a while after finishing up school and starting a new job, I had told myself that I would finally be able to start focusing on my writing. I have tons of stories that need to be worked on. At least seven to eight chapters of four or five different stories have been written. But that's about it.

I'm constantly going back and re-reading them so that I can be motivated to continue them. But no new ideas have been coming to me.

And then, a while back, I pretty much quit going back to them because I haven't really been motivated. I WANT dearly to go back and continue, but I find myself doing other things instead. How does one pick up inspiration and motivation for something like this again?

I wouldn't say that my writing is a talent, really. It's just something I do. I love to write and I express myself the best through writing. Why else would I have an ongoing blog? Three blogs, actually (even IF one of them is on hiatus) where I share my thoughts and opinions openly. I haven't quit writing.

Evidence that I continue to write can be found in my drama zone blog. But writing opinions and thoughts about someone else's fictional story is different from creating and writing my own fictional story. At least, in my opinion, it's quite different.

So here I am at a little standstill. Of course, maybe I can just call this a temporary stall in my story writing arena. I still do a lot of writing, but rather than writing my stories, I write reviews and the like. And I also write very detailed, scene-by-scene, outlined summaries of other new story ideas and old story ideas that I have. But nothing is becoming part of the stories I've yet to finish.

Is my writing really a talent? The question comes back around once again. I really don't feel like my writing is any form a type of talent. My best friend believes that I've got a wonderful skill that just needs to be polished.

Maybe I'm just looking into this too much and I just need to relax and let things come as they will.

This brings me to a little question that I was asked not long ago by some high school kid with rose-colored glasses. He wanted to know what kind of talent I had. After all, he was in the school's choir and loved to sing. And so he asked me: "What do you do?"

Perplexed by this question, I just raised a brow and shook my head.

"What kind of talent do you have? Everyone has a talent!"

I pretty much just scoffed at his question. "I work for a living."

"No. I meant, what skills do you know? Like singing or dancing or art?"

Again, I scoffed. "Look kid, in this day and age, having a talent doesn't put food on the table. I'm not in high school anymore. My talent is going to work and making money. Case closed."

Now that I think about it, was I maybe being too harsh on the little guy? Because I then proceeded to tell him that in the real world, talents don't matter unless they can make you a hefty sum of money. And that once he grew up and became a real adult, he'd understand why having a talent really doesn't mean anything.

Anyway... until I can figure out what to do with my so-called talent, I guess I'll just continue to do what I do best. Procrastinate and use my writing skills to blog about random opinions and the like.

Also, I think after a couple years of being a nerd, I finally decided that being a celebrated nerd wasn't a bad idea after all.

And so it all starts...

anicabyss' drama zone

It's starting all over again. My blogging life in the fictional world... Otherwise, I might go crazy with all those thoughts I have bounding around my brain about things I've seen and things I wonder about. Don't mind me. I live separate lives anyway and with the initial split into animanga zone two years ago, it was a matter of time before it happened again.

Just bear with me and, as with the first separate blogging life, this blog won't be mentioned again.

For more information about how this new blog came about, you can read the first article here: "and so it continues..."

Yea, it really doesn't stop...

anicabyss' - drama zone

Yea, don't go there unless you're ABSOLUTELY interested. But it's a new chapter and well, the post says everything. Have fun! But don't say I didn't give warning.

A New Addition to the Abyss... Pt. 3 (final)

As it is August 1, 2008, I would like to officially announce the launching of my newest blogging career (which may or may last long):

anicabyss - animanga zone

For those of you who care, this is the place where I will officially post all opinions, news, and discussions of all things anime. For those who don't care, don't worry about it.

As of today, all posts that have to do with anything anicabyss will stop appearing on Abstract Abyss and be contained within the new zone.

This concludes the very short, very limited follow-up of anicabyss and if all goes smooth-sailing from now on, then all shall be great and I won't complain too much about my real life in Abstract Abyss.

Please feel free to comment on my half-baked, long-winded postings. Contructive criticism is always welcome.

Thanks in advance for your time and your suggestions.

A New Addition to the Abyss... Pt. 2

So it seems the idea of having my very own otaku-- I mean, an anime and manga fansite is slowly becoming closer to a reality.

The very first post to anicabyss details a few goals and describe just what exactly anicabyss is about. This can be found here. And just as I had mentioned in that post, there is a very likely chance that the very first feature of anicabyss will by launched/posted on August 1. This is my goal.

Until then, a lot of other features are slowly being written and edited, and re-edited once again. A lot of other features, such as a few First Impression posts, some Reviews, and a long detailed Thoughts post has been finished and are ready for go. Sadly, however, I wanted to start my anicabyss off with a bang and so I am currently giving myself a headache over what feature I'd like to launch anicabyss on.

Aside form that little dilemma, I'm starting to think that I want to merge Thoughts and Reviews into the same type of post as both detail my personal opinions on both specific anime and manga series. The only difference from one and the other is that Reviews are over series that I've finished viewing, and Thoughts are over those that I have yet to complete (due to various reasons). More than likely, I'll start the blog off on having them be separate features and then merge them as I continue to read and watch more manga and anime, respectively.

But anyway, enough of my rambling. As of August 1, all posts about anicabyss that are not related to Abstract Abyss will be posted on anicabyss. In this way, Abstract Abyss can and will remain a more personal and reality-based blog for myself. So this and the last post, including one more in the future on the day of anicabyss's official launch will be the only posts detailing anicabyss information.

Because of my own reasons, I prefer to separate reality from my otaku world. It's safer that way, cause otherwise, ani goes amuck and may harm innocent bystanders.

So, until August 1, look forward to the launch of a new world.

A New Addition to the Abyss... Pt. 1

Whenever I read though other people's blogs, I always have the strong urge to have my own. And so now I have one. I can randomly spew nonsense and not care about other people's criticism. After all, everything I write is a product of my own personal opinion, right?

On top of having a blog, I also enjoy talking about the things that I like. The books that I read, the movies that I watch, and the writings that I create are all things I'd love to discuss with other people. However, being an adult and a college graduate sometimes makes me feel like I should focus on other much more productive activities -- such as finding a job as of present. But I've presently found that I need a reason to be able to separate my real life with the life I like to immerse myself into regularly to forget about my real life.

After all, I've always loved to live in my own made up little world. My friends tell me that I live in my own little world. And they really just don't know how true that really is.

But to make a long story short, what this post is really about is my need to add a couple extensions to the Abyss. Pending a good name and title for these extensions, I will be creating separate pages for my newest obsessions and some of my older obsessions-- really they're just places where I can talk about things that I don't really get to talk about in real life with my friends since none of them seem to have these same interests as me. So things such as movies, books, and television reviews and discussions will be addressed in separate blog pages for the purpsoe of separating this real life, my Abstract Abyss, with my other world, possibly titled 'Another Abyss'... or whatever. And if courage serves, I may be able to post up original writings as well...

Oh yea, and I will faintly admit that I'm an a phase of otaku-ness as of current. So anime and manga will also be on the dinner menu. If you don't know what otaku is, you're probably better off not knowing.