Anyway, the following is a post I had written as one of my few first blog posts "back in the day". I've edited it just a little bit, but the gist of it all is the same as when I'd written it. Thought I'd share some of my younger thoughts that are somewhat "non-emo" even IF they are extremely exaggerated. I'm just amused at some of the ways I've described things:
On October 18, 2002 at 5:53 P.M. ani wrote:
A Story Can Be a Thousand Words
Ever since I began writing fanfiction, I'd thought that I had found something that I was good at.
My friends all have some sort of fine arts-y type creative talent or skill. A few sing, a few write awesome poetry, one or two have an incredible talent in drawing, sketching, painting... art stuff. They're all just so good and I've always wanted to be able to do something out of the ordinary.
Not solely anything like getting good grades at school. Anybody can do that if they just set their minds to it. No offense to anyone out there, but academically, ANY person is able to get good grades.
But talent, creative talent: singing, dancing, painting... stuff like that... and even sports... All of that... I don't have anything like that.
My voice sounds like a scratched up metal can lodged in a donkey's throat: "Hee haw!" I am NOT coordinated and thus dancing is out of the question. I was once told that I was dyslexic... that means unable to tell left from right... right? I trace... no sketching, no painting, no drawing... I trace... -_- As for sports... refer to the fact that I am not well coordinated and thus, no way will I be able to catch a fly ball. Besides, I'm not in shape enough to even run the length of a basement room without grabbing for an oxygen tank.
All in all -- I've got nothing going for me. At least that's what I'd always thought. In my mind, academic achievement just doesn't outshine anyone at all and it doesn't... well, shine or stand out at all.
I mean, how many people out there are really popular nerds? No offense to anyone at all. Take a poll of all the "popular" kids in your high school. How many of them don't have some sort of extra-curricular activity going for them or some sort of creative talent? I know for a fact that those at my old high school were all in some way related to the football team, the dance team, the cheer squad or the fine arts department. And people like me... well...........
But to the point now: (finally) I discovered my talent two years... actually three years ago. I love to write, which is basically what I'm doing right now, even though this is just a blog. I write stories and stuff.
However, I'm almost afraid that my writing inspirations are beginning to wane and that my writing skills and style are beginning to dissipate. It's scaring me that soon, I probably won't even be able to write another story... or finish the ones I've begun because my skills are beginning to go away.
It was never a natural thing for me. I've always written stories... they were just never good enough. I just like writing, even though I don't have what it takes for a true author to shine.
So does this count as a talent?
Dramatic much? I guess I never really grew up from my high school drama years until A LOT later on in my life. Maybe in the year 2008 when I started this very blog? Or maybe in 2005 when I finally stopped blogging in my old blog? I'm not saying that I'm completely drama-free, but I've stopped exaggerating a lot of things. Then again, my writing style was pretty much in the form of exaggerated detail and LOTS of detail, period. I wouldn't even really be able to tell anyone whether or not my blog posts back then were because I was really that dramatic, or if I had written that way just for the added dramatic effect. I totally loved detail and the more the merrier was my stance on writing.
After all, I wanted my blog (which was read only by myself back then) to sound interesting and loud and well... just more exciting than my truly bland life.
But really now: "a scratched up metal can lodged in a donkey's throat"? How in this life did I even come up with something like that? O.o Of course, while a little exaggerated, some of this stuff was true. But in the present, I don't think I would say that my voice sounds akin to a donkey's. Maybe a haggard old woman? :P
I think I bring up this blog post only because I'm kind of in a similar mindset right now -- about my writing. For a while after finishing up school and starting a new job, I had told myself that I would finally be able to start focusing on my writing. I have tons of stories that need to be worked on. At least seven to eight chapters of four or five different stories have been written. But that's about it.
I'm constantly going back and re-reading them so that I can be motivated to continue them. But no new ideas have been coming to me.
And then, a while back, I pretty much quit going back to them because I haven't really been motivated. I WANT dearly to go back and continue, but I find myself doing other things instead. How does one pick up inspiration and motivation for something like this again?
I wouldn't say that my writing is a talent, really. It's just something I do. I love to write and I express myself the best through writing. Why else would I have an ongoing blog? Three blogs, actually (even IF one of them is on hiatus) where I share my thoughts and opinions openly. I haven't quit writing.
Evidence that I continue to write can be found in my drama zone blog. But writing opinions and thoughts about someone else's fictional story is different from creating and writing my own fictional story. At least, in my opinion, it's quite different.
So here I am at a little standstill. Of course, maybe I can just call this a temporary stall in my story writing arena. I still do a lot of writing, but rather than writing my stories, I write reviews and the like. And I also write very detailed, scene-by-scene, outlined summaries of other new story ideas and old story ideas that I have. But nothing is becoming part of the stories I've yet to finish.
Is my writing really a talent? The question comes back around once again. I really don't feel like my writing is any form a type of talent. My best friend believes that I've got a wonderful skill that just needs to be polished.
Maybe I'm just looking into this too much and I just need to relax and let things come as they will.
This brings me to a little question that I was asked not long ago by some high school kid with rose-colored glasses. He wanted to know what kind of talent I had. After all, he was in the school's choir and loved to sing. And so he asked me: "What do you do?"
Perplexed by this question, I just raised a brow and shook my head.
"What kind of talent do you have? Everyone has a talent!"
I pretty much just scoffed at his question. "I work for a living."
"No. I meant, what skills do you know? Like singing or dancing or art?"
Again, I scoffed. "Look kid, in this day and age, having a talent doesn't put food on the table. I'm not in high school anymore. My talent is going to work and making money. Case closed."
Now that I think about it, was I maybe being too harsh on the little guy? Because I then proceeded to tell him that in the real world, talents don't matter unless they can make you a hefty sum of money. And that once he grew up and became a real adult, he'd understand why having a talent really doesn't mean anything.
Anyway... until I can figure out what to do with my so-called talent, I guess I'll just continue to do what I do best. Procrastinate and use my writing skills to blog about random opinions and the like.
Also, I think after a couple years of being a nerd, I finally decided that being a celebrated nerd wasn't a bad idea after all.
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