So the last time I blogged religously was...

I had posted a few days ago from a work computer during my "break time". But I hadn't checked that post because I can't view my own blog from any work computer. It's filed as "Entertainment" and so has been denied. Somehow, I can still get onto the "backstage" part of my blogger page and post something.

Weird...

So it seems that this year, blogging had not been my priority. I note that there are probably seven days in the entire year that I got onto my computer and said, "Hey, there's something I want to write down an share with random people on the internet who may or may not care." Including this one, it'll be the eighth and probably the only other one for this year of 2010.

Maybe my New Years resolution should be to try blogging more often...

Yeah, right.

We all know that I don't make New Year's resolutions because the likelihood of follow-up is a very low percentage and that would only make me feel more pathetic and guilty in my already feeble life. New Year's resolutions are not my way of life anyway. If there's something pressing that I want to get accomplished, I don't need to wait until the new year to make my resolve.

My mindset will be stationed at: "Well, I have all year..." And the next thing you know, the matter will be set aside and by the time I come across it again, it'll be December and so I'll probably put it off for the next year. "I will definitely get this done after the new year starts..."

To be totally honest, I'm not sure what has been keeping me from blogging.

At the beginning of the year, I was buried in study guides, student clinical rotations, exams and stress. After all of that was finished and done, I think I pretty much just lost motivation to write about anything else. A couple posts here and there about something interesting that had happened, or something that was bugging me were written, but I can't really say that I've dedicated more time to blogging now that I have more time.

As previous posts have mentioned, life holds no more excitement for me now that I've accomplished the biggest thing I need to accomplish. I finished school, I got a job. Now I sit at home everyday when I'm not at work and I really don't have the motivation to go anywhere even if I'm invited.

The past week has been the most I've left the house for reasons other than work since one of my closest friends left the state to pursue her own future and new life.

But anyway, let's not dwell on my lamentable lifestyle-- it'll only make me and everyone else more irritated.

***

The holidays are coming to an end after this week and tomorrow for the last day of 2010, I will be working at the good old hotel where dinner parties are taking place become someone wants to get married on New Year's Eve. While I understand that a lot of people have their weddings on holidays for reasons of remembering their wedding date, or just because they want to (maybe it's special to them somehow), I really think it's kind of tacky. But then again, I've never been in a serious relationship and a wedding is not in my future, so maybe getting married on a holiday is meaningful in one way or another for some.

But that only means that a crew of people will be working on a night that they would rather be somewhere else.

There are lots of nights that I would rather be somewhere else but at work, but that's only because I'm lazy. I will work no matter what because it means more hours and more money and something to do, however, because I currently have no outstanding social life to brag about. It's all good for me and my bank account.

In other news, I am currently trying my hand at piano. I've been slacking off however, because no matter how much I want to learn, I think there's this mental barrier keeping me from fully committing to playing just because my brother is already pretty good at it and the keyboard is in his general area of the house. I feel like I don't want to do the same things that my brothers do... Maybe I should pick up some other type of talent.

***

Anyway, this post has been more or less insignificant because I've dragged on about nothing in particular. Hopefully the new year holds more significance.

Happy Holidays... or something to that extent...

It's about three hours into Christmas Day and I’m running third shift lab like a zombie. Life is freezing cold and even hot chocolate does not help. So it’s a good thing that I’ve layered up with excess undershirts and whatnot.

Can we remember what it was like in the past when we actually looked forward to the Christmas season? Well, if everyone else can, then obviously I’m of the 5% who doesn't.

I can honestly say that in the past during my teenage years or childhood, there must have been a time when I was always jumping for joy because of the holidays. The idea of a white, snowy Christmas with holiday music, hot chocolate, yummy cookies and cakes, and a nice big scrumptious Christmas dinner consisting of Mom and Dad’s best fixings would always perk up my excitement by multitudes. Christmas was always something to look forward to for reasons that only childhood me could have ever understood.

This year for Christmas, I looked forward to two things: 1) one of my best friends coming back into town and 2) double pay for a worked holiday.

I feel I’ve lost my compassion for the joys of life that eight year old Ani must have enjoyed with all the vigor and energy that she could muster up. The Ani of today has absolutely no energy reserve to even consider getting excited over Christmas candies, cookies, cakes and dinner. Long ago, I lost interest in decorating or sending everyone I knew Christmas cards. If I remember correctly, the last time I even put a Christmas card in someone’s box was back in high school. The last time that I tried to surprise someone with a Christmas gift wrapped up all pretty was sometime in high school as well.

After high school, I got caught up in college and work and simply decided not to go through the trouble of sending cards or wrapping presents. My two closest friends receive gifts of their choosing, unwrapped, I receive gifts from them of my choosing, also unwrapped, we have dinner together and then Christmas is done and over with.

Oh yes, and then there are those work-related parties that I get invited to that I usually don’t attend, as well as the family dinner that sometimes doesn’t happen.

Have I really lost my sense of excitement?

I’ve always been someone who can be easily amused by the little things in life. In fact, I preach the necessity to be able to enjoy simplicity to its fullest, because if you can’t, then the big things that happen just don’t seem as great. But the holidays have become just another chaotic duration of time in which people spend money, eat lots of food and get fairly impatient because everyone else is doing the exact same thing at the exact same time and thus no one is getting immediate service like they think they should be getting.

I swear that around Christmas and Thanksgiving is when I typically see the angriest shoppers in history. People are cutting in line, people are arguing with clerks, and people are shoving each other around. Gifts are bought before Christmas and given away and then two days later everything is returned in the same typical manner as the way they were bought; with lots of shoving and yelling.

Can you see why the holidays may seem a bit depressing from an outsider’s standpoint?

On top of that, holiday bars are the worst to work since everyone’s already spent all their money on gifts and decorations and food and other goodies. And so no one is willing to tip and you leave the bar with a handful of dollars, probably not even enough to pay for the gas that you had to spend getting to work in the first place. Boy am I glad I have a nicer job aside from bartending.

Anyway, for those of you still able to enjoy the lovely Christmas cheer, have a good one and Happy Holidays.