Nostalgic olden days and some insanity

Eighteen must have been an extremely fragile time for me. As most teenage lifestyles go, everything isn't as serious and straight forward as we all would like to see it. During that transitioning from high school to college, crossing that line from childhood into adulthood, there are a few strings in one's mind that tend to get twisted around haphazardly.

The following is a blog post I shared in my old blog during the first year I began writing. As life would have it, when I was younger and just coming out of college, I still had a few friends and e-mail was the new big thing that we used to communicate with. It's unfortunate, however, that also during those times, chain letters and random, nonsensical messages were passed along and passed along and passed along until they ended up coming back to the first person who sent the first set.

I personally hated chain letters. My e-mail address book was fairly small since I'm not one to keep very many friends anyway. Just like my Facebook page, the number of friends I had could be counted on both hands. Of course, even classmates and acquaintances shared e-mail addresses for the sake of having someone to send random crap to.

It was a depressing era, really. Nowadays, aside from my best friend, I rarely write actual letters to anyone via e-mail. The rest of my e-mail contents include work related notices and memos, e-magazine subscriptions, game site newsletters, financial related notices, and some blog posting subscriptions. No one else really shares my e-mail address and anyone who wants to talk to me will just message me through Facebook.

Have I ever mentioned that I'm not really that fond of Facebook. It's so cluttered most of the time with random status updates about things that people are doing. Half of those updates, I don't even read and only ever check Facebook to follow specific friends to see how they've been doing as well as joining some fan pages to see about news on new television series or movies to appease my boring days. Half of the people on my friends list, I have never even spoken to before and others, I had never really spoken to before, even in high school.

The following post came from an e-mail I had received and decided to share on my old blog. It's a "Survey" type chain letter where you are given a lot of fairly senseless questions and asked to share your responses with friends so that they may get to know you better. Being a rather twisted and over-imaginative smart ass during that time (which hasn't really changed much in the last nine years, I didn't necessarily respond to the questions the way most people do.

Let's just say, here is further proof that at the fragile age of eighteen, I must have been on some form of crack or strange mental drug.

On November 11, 2002 @ 8:48 P.M., anicheung wrote:

01. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
Wake? I actually wake up? A never ending nightmare... Ugh! I wish I never had to wake up early ever again... but unfortunately.......
But seriously, I'm nocturnal. I don't wake up in the morning, but since everyone else sleeps at night, I might as well, huh? I'm just not a morning person at all. If I could choose, I'd work graveyard shift. This whole waking up in the morning thing is highly overrated.

02. IF YOU COULD EAT LUNCH WITH ONE FAMOUS PERSON, WHO WOULD IT BE?
Bob! Oh yeah... that's the guy! Bob... everyone knows Bob. Bob is everywhere... "Who are you going to the pary with?" "Bob." "What's that guy's name?" "Bob."

Yep, if I could eat lunch with anyone, it would be THE Bob!

03. GOLD OR SILVER?
Silver. Silver is nicer than gold. I find that I like silver better. Silver and some sort of violet, purplish gem... or emerald... or......

04. WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA?
No tengo dinero... no see "film" in "cinema" for long time... :(

Of course, I don't like seeing movies in public anymore. It's a lot more comfortable to watch a movie in the comfort of one's own home. That way, if you want to yell at the stupid chick who doesn't know that the killer is right behind her, then... well, yell away. No one will throw popcorn at you... or their drinks... -_-

But then again, in a movie theater... well... let's just say, if I want to be obnoxious, who can stop me? BTW, I plead the fifth to the security guard, Bob made me do it. That Bob!

05. FAVORITE TV SHOW?
I don't have a favorite favorite... I have a favorites list that changes all the time because, well... stuff happens and I'm a very wishy washy person. Right now, I'm in the midst of watching Hong Kong tv serials... 'A Taste of Love' is such a cute one... or course, unless you're Asian, and even if you ARE Asian, you won't know what I'm talking about, so I'll just say... Um... The X-Files. Hah! Bet you saw that coming, didn't you? I've even set up my own X-file's shrine in my room. Believe me, I'm not joking.

06. WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
I don't like to refer to meals by name. I mean, breakfast in the morning, lunch at noon and dinner in the evening... It's so discriminating. Why can't breakfast be at noon? (for those of you sleepers... breakfast IS at noon and you know it too)
No... I don't like to call meals by name. It's not fair to them. Besides, for the past two months, I haven't had this so called breakfast in a loooooong time. No time, no food. Not even the "lunch." Oooh...

07. WHAT WOULD YOU HATE TO BE LEFT IN A ROOM WITH?
What? What happened to "who"? I mean, not that I would care being left in the room with anyone... ::bad thoughts::bad Anita:: ^^' Heh...
But let's see... what would I hate to be left in a room with? That's a hard one because I can't seem to get along with anything at all. Even the immobile items on my desk seem to hate me. That's why they won't stay in place and end up turning my room into a tornado simulation room.

I'm afraid that if I were to ever be left "completely" alone with these things, they'll come alive and eat me. It's a good thing that "they" are looking after me... for the time being...

08. CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE?
Do I want to touch my nose with my tongue? Do you? Would you? Could you? Five bucks says you can't.

09. WHAT INSPIRES YOU?
The little city living in my head. See... little critters called "likas" live in my head and when they do stuff, it goes through an assembly line and the idea comes to the top of my head. Unfortunately, there are also little critters called "hatas" that keep those ideas from surfacing thus I require food, music, peace, quiet, resting and relaxation, ice cream, chocolate... Well, whatever it takes to either appease the "hatas" or strengthen the peace loving "likas" so that they can fight off the horrid "hatas."

10. WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
She doesn't know because she thinks it's really her "real" name. Believe me, I've been trying to tell her since the beginning of existence that she's only a middle name, but... *sigh* Some people just don't get it.

11. BEACH, CITY, Or COUNTRY?
Beach... no, can't swim... don't like sun. City... but it's always so crowded and polluted. Country... "definition- place where you live in isolation in a huge house, but still manage to get chopped to bits and pieces by maniac killer and you can't get away because the house is too big and you can't call for help because closest neighbor is ten thousand miles away and the phone lines are cut and I think I hear footsteps coming in my direction..."

12. SUMMER OR WINTER?
That's an easy one. Winter! Definitely winter. Cold, nice clothes... baggy clothes that can cover up unwanted fat and tummy rolls... And hot chocolate!!

13. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Heh heh heh heh heh.... LOL........... Is that supposed to be a trick question? Favorite ice cream... What, ice cream alone isn't good enough for you?

14. FAVORITE TIME OF DAY?
Nap time.

15. FAVORITE COLOR?
I'm a purple, green and blue color person. I also like black, white, gray, brown, and all of their different shades. Man... this question just never gets old does it? As if people can't tell what your favorite color is just by looking... Okay, maybe not.

16. FAVORITE CAR?
One that runs. Ooh ooh! And one that has all the accessories including the ability to fly. That would be the day!

17. FAVORITE SANDWICH FILLING?
Is this like Hostess? "Hey, where's the creme filling?" Rather its, "Hey, what's the sandwich filling?" Sandwich filling... is that what they call it now a days? Damn! I've really got to get out of my hermit hole in the basement. Well, after I finish my mad scientist experiment... Today... heheh.... Tomorrow.... THE WORLD!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

*ahem*

Moving right along....

18. TRUE LOVE?
RED ALERT, RED ALERT!! Security has been breached. Words not found in vocabulary! Must approach with caution! Call for back-up! Call the CDC! Do something! It's going to kill me and then take over the world!!!!!!!! Must find antidote... quick... *cough cough, sputter sputter, choke choke...*

19. WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU DESPISE?
........... If I'm to make a list, it would go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on..... My pet peeves are ignorant people...

20. FAVORITE FLOWER?
Preferably live ones that stay in their natural setting, because plucking from the ground whence they came is just wrong... cruel and wrong... Plants are living too!!

21. IF YOU HAD A BIG WIN IN THE LOTTERY, HOW LONG WOULD YOU WAIT TO TELL PEOPLE?
Depends on how many gifts I'd have to buy... otherwise, NO ONE is finding out that I won the lottery and am planning on a round trip vacation to the sunny beaches of Puerto Rico and then to the top of the mountains in the Rockies and then.... Um... What lottery? I didn't win any big lottery jackpot. Stop looking at me like that! I didn't win the stupid jackpot....

No! You can't make me give it up! It's mine, all mine! MINE!

22. FIZZY OR STILL WATER AS A DRINK?
For one, even if the drink is fizzy, I'd hope that it was still as well... If the water started to walk off, then I'd be pretty worried.

23. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM?
I can't tell... the light's too damn dim. It could be hot pink for all I know. The basement is the darkest place in this house and whenever I go to the bathroom, it's not like I take notice.

24. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?
Key ring have many keys. Why? Do YOU want to know where my keys lead to? I'm on to you...

25. WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE TO?
Bed... as soon as I finish this survey and play another game of Spider Solataire... Heh... you'd be surprised out easily addictive those little games are... "Must play solataire card games... now... computer says so...."

26. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK:
Any day that I get to sleep in, under those nice, warm comfy blankets... Ahh... that would be the day. And then the maid will walk in with my tray of breakfast, my dad will hook up the television in my room, and I'll have someone wait on my hand and foot... I'll never have to get up and do anything... well... Anyway....

28. RED OR WHITE WINE?
Does it matter? It's wine. How can you say no to alcohol when it's everywhere... Buuut... they do say that a glass of wine a day helps lower your blood pressure and keeps away those little pink bunnies whenever you have too much white wine. So Red wine it is.... Just make sure Bob doesn't have too much... Wine makes him see things. and hear voices.

"What was that Bob...?"

29. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?
Do I really have to get into where I was my last birthday, because mentioning it really just makes my blood boil? All I can say is "Happy F****** Eightteenth to me. I was screwed over and had the worst day of my entire year. And birthdays are supposed to be fun. Instead I spend the whole day-

Never mind... If you want details, feel free to ask me one of these days. I won't promise you I'll keep my calm when I'm talking though, because... For crying out loud, it was supposed to be MY birthday... And yet it felt like it was SOMEONE ELSE's birthday! Blood pressure rising... must calm down now before I break out the red wine. I don't want to have to start the wine thing at such an early age.

30. DO YOU CARRY A DONOR CARD?
What would I donate? No money, no nice things and there is no way in hell that anyone is taking my precious car or computer away from me. NEVER!

31. WHO DO YOU LEAST EXPECT TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
Once again................

32. WHO IS THE PERSON YOU EXPECT TO SEND THIS BACK FIRST?
I can't stop gawking at these last two questions because I've answered them so many times I'll just let fate decide this time.

None of the post from above has been edited for full effect. After all, I just can't stop gawking at some of the answers and how extremely cheesy some of them were. On a side note, my imagination was fairly wild during the time of this particular post and I pretty much worked on a "write as you go" basis where the first thing I thought about was the first thing I wrote. Once again, lots of detail and lots of strange descriptions. Also, I had a tendency of talking to myself in multiple personality format back then as well. It's not like I don't still talk to myself, but I think all of my multiple personas have calmed down quite a bit and the louder, more dramatic ones have gone on vacation with random returns every so often whenever I squeal at nothing in particular.

Of course, I DO find some of these topics kind of amusing.

And then there were some responses that were more on the serious side... okay, maybe only one. Although #14 about my favorite time of day was a pretty reasonable response, don't you think?

Anyway, hopefully this was fairly enjoyable. It give me something to post and something to write about without actually writing about anything in general. After all, my life has been rather monotonous lately, and aside from watching endless runs of television series and reading a a book here and there, I've really been doing nothing when I'm at home. The rest of my time is taken up by house chores and that unfortunate, yet desirable working life wherein I make money and save until I'm old and graying.

Maybe a thousand words, maybe not

I was rereading through the blog I used to keep a long time ago. After the first one, I realized that that blog had been kept sometime AFTER I graduated from high school. I guess I can't very well say that I wrote a lot of those entries during my "high school, drama queen, emo years" anymore. Because apparently, up until 2005 while still in college, I still had a very drama queen-esque mind set. I almost can't even remember what life was like for me during those first few years in college; all I can recall is tons of school work, tons of slacking and tons of boredom. Oh yea, and I spent those first two to three years in college not quite knowing what to do with myself.

Anyway, the following is a post I had written as one of my few first blog posts "back in the day". I've edited it just a little bit, but the gist of it all is the same as when I'd written it. Thought I'd share some of my younger thoughts that are somewhat "non-emo" even IF they are extremely exaggerated. I'm just amused at some of the ways I've described things:

On October 18, 2002 at 5:53 P.M. ani wrote:

A Story Can Be a Thousand Words

Ever since I began writing fanfiction, I'd thought that I had found something that I was good at.

My friends all have some sort of fine arts-y type creative talent or skill. A few sing, a few write awesome poetry, one or two have an incredible talent in drawing, sketching, painting... art stuff. They're all just so good and I've always wanted to be able to do something out of the ordinary.

Not solely anything like getting good grades at school. Anybody can do that if they just set their minds to it. No offense to anyone out there, but academically, ANY person is able to get good grades.

But talent, creative talent: singing, dancing, painting... stuff like that... and even sports... All of that... I don't have anything like that.

My voice sounds like a scratched up metal can lodged in a donkey's throat: "Hee haw!" I am NOT coordinated and thus dancing is out of the question. I was once told that I was dyslexic... that means unable to tell left from right... right? I trace... no sketching, no painting, no drawing... I trace... -_- As for sports... refer to the fact that I am not well coordinated and thus, no way will I be able to catch a fly ball. Besides, I'm not in shape enough to even run the length of a basement room without grabbing for an oxygen tank.

All in all -- I've got nothing going for me. At least that's what I'd always thought. In my mind, academic achievement just doesn't outshine anyone at all and it doesn't... well, shine or stand out at all.

I mean, how many people out there are really popular nerds? No offense to anyone at all. Take a poll of all the "popular" kids in your high school. How many of them don't have some sort of extra-curricular activity going for them or some sort of creative talent? I know for a fact that those at my old high school were all in some way related to the football team, the dance team, the cheer squad or the fine arts department. And people like me... well...........

But to the point now: (finally) I discovered my talent two years... actually three years ago. I love to write, which is basically what I'm doing right now, even though this is just a blog. I write stories and stuff.

However, I'm almost afraid that my writing inspirations are beginning to wane and that my writing skills and style are beginning to dissipate. It's scaring me that soon, I probably won't even be able to write another story... or finish the ones I've begun because my skills are beginning to go away.

It was never a natural thing for me. I've always written stories... they were just never good enough. I just like writing, even though I don't have what it takes for a true author to shine.

So does this count as a talent?

Dramatic much? I guess I never really grew up from my high school drama years until A LOT later on in my life. Maybe in the year 2008 when I started this very blog? Or maybe in 2005 when I finally stopped blogging in my old blog? I'm not saying that I'm completely drama-free, but I've stopped exaggerating a lot of things. Then again, my writing style was pretty much in the form of exaggerated detail and LOTS of detail, period. I wouldn't even really be able to tell anyone whether or not my blog posts back then were because I was really that dramatic, or if I had written that way just for the added dramatic effect. I totally loved detail and the more the merrier was my stance on writing.

After all, I wanted my blog (which was read only by myself back then) to sound interesting and loud and well... just more exciting than my truly bland life.

But really now: "a scratched up metal can lodged in a donkey's throat"? How in this life did I even come up with something like that? O.o Of course, while a little exaggerated, some of this stuff was true. But in the present, I don't think I would say that my voice sounds akin to a donkey's. Maybe a haggard old woman? :P

I think I bring up this blog post only because I'm kind of in a similar mindset right now -- about my writing. For a while after finishing up school and starting a new job, I had told myself that I would finally be able to start focusing on my writing. I have tons of stories that need to be worked on. At least seven to eight chapters of four or five different stories have been written. But that's about it.

I'm constantly going back and re-reading them so that I can be motivated to continue them. But no new ideas have been coming to me.

And then, a while back, I pretty much quit going back to them because I haven't really been motivated. I WANT dearly to go back and continue, but I find myself doing other things instead. How does one pick up inspiration and motivation for something like this again?

I wouldn't say that my writing is a talent, really. It's just something I do. I love to write and I express myself the best through writing. Why else would I have an ongoing blog? Three blogs, actually (even IF one of them is on hiatus) where I share my thoughts and opinions openly. I haven't quit writing.

Evidence that I continue to write can be found in my drama zone blog. But writing opinions and thoughts about someone else's fictional story is different from creating and writing my own fictional story. At least, in my opinion, it's quite different.

So here I am at a little standstill. Of course, maybe I can just call this a temporary stall in my story writing arena. I still do a lot of writing, but rather than writing my stories, I write reviews and the like. And I also write very detailed, scene-by-scene, outlined summaries of other new story ideas and old story ideas that I have. But nothing is becoming part of the stories I've yet to finish.

Is my writing really a talent? The question comes back around once again. I really don't feel like my writing is any form a type of talent. My best friend believes that I've got a wonderful skill that just needs to be polished.

Maybe I'm just looking into this too much and I just need to relax and let things come as they will.

This brings me to a little question that I was asked not long ago by some high school kid with rose-colored glasses. He wanted to know what kind of talent I had. After all, he was in the school's choir and loved to sing. And so he asked me: "What do you do?"

Perplexed by this question, I just raised a brow and shook my head.

"What kind of talent do you have? Everyone has a talent!"

I pretty much just scoffed at his question. "I work for a living."

"No. I meant, what skills do you know? Like singing or dancing or art?"

Again, I scoffed. "Look kid, in this day and age, having a talent doesn't put food on the table. I'm not in high school anymore. My talent is going to work and making money. Case closed."

Now that I think about it, was I maybe being too harsh on the little guy? Because I then proceeded to tell him that in the real world, talents don't matter unless they can make you a hefty sum of money. And that once he grew up and became a real adult, he'd understand why having a talent really doesn't mean anything.

Anyway... until I can figure out what to do with my so-called talent, I guess I'll just continue to do what I do best. Procrastinate and use my writing skills to blog about random opinions and the like.

Also, I think after a couple years of being a nerd, I finally decided that being a celebrated nerd wasn't a bad idea after all.

Changes, heat, and more stuff

My room has come across a transformation and has been able to remain the cleanest since sometime in my childhood. For the seven and a half to eight years that I was in college, I believe that I sometimes couldn't even see much of my bedroom floor. Textbooks, notebooks, and random handouts were always strewn across the floor around my desk. And what's worse, I never really studied in my own room anyway; my computer had been occupying space in my brother's room due to age old RPG-gaming after I started college. So more textbooks and notebooks were laying around my computer in HIS room as well.

After finally getting that long awaiting degree and getting a job, I moved all of my personal possessions back to my room. After all, I was working a third shift schedule and tended to stay awake way passed everyone's bedtime whenever I wasn't at work. So that just meant that it would only be respectful if I didn't hang around on my computer in my brother's room while he was sleeping.

Nearly two weeks ago, I finally got rid of my old toy bed that you could feel the coiled springs through and got myself a mattress and box spring set with pillow top.

It's amazing how different changing a mattress set can feel. No more sleepless nights (or rather mornings, for me). I feel like this has been the best investment I've made in seven years (or longer, cause I don't even remember how long I'd been sleeping on the sad excuse for a bed).

Along with a new bed, my room was rearranged, and I made up my mind to go through all of my personal items and get rid of what I didn't need. At least 50% of my wardrobe ended up in large bags, packed up and shipped off to the Salvation Army. A few select books on my tiny shelf ended up being packed away as well, ready to be taken to a used book store, or the library. and truth be told, THAT got rid of a lot of unnecessary crap in my room. I even pulled out some shoe boxes full of random knick knacks that I wondered why I was keeping. Without any use for them, they went in the trash and I rid myself of unnecessary clutter.

The next step: My closet in which is stored years worth of college class notes, including the most recent Medical Technology stuff (two crates full and then some). But at this point in time, I'm just feeling no motivation to go through all that paperwork and determine what I need to keep and what I need to throw away. My intention is to transcribe all my notes into some form of Word file and just keep everything in a flash drive and then get rid of the hard copies. But I haven't been able to make myself do that yet -- it just feels like too much work.

But nonetheless, as long as no one looks in my closet, the rest of my room looks fairly clean and decent. At least my parents are happy that my room isn't a tornado blown disaster anymore. I kept telling myself that I give my room another few weeks before it becomes a pigsty again, but to be honest, having a clutter-free clean room to begin with makes keeping a room clean a bit easier. So maybe this will last longer than I'm expecting-- I should have more faith in myself.

Although I AM still trying to figure out where I can put certain things instead of just on the floor by my desk. And some random bottles of water have managed to pile up on my desk already... they just need to be thrown away really...

***

In other news, the weather in this darned city continues to be scorching hot. Storms are supposed to happen soon, but we'll see whether or not they even help. My lovely friend from Georgia is claiming that there is no such thing as heat ever since she'd come back into town for a few days. She's used to the heat where she lives, but it has also dropped to the mid-nineties ever since she'd been in town anyway. Go figure.

Life is thus far, quite steady with no random excitements.

And so it all starts...

anicabyss' drama zone

It's starting all over again. My blogging life in the fictional world... Otherwise, I might go crazy with all those thoughts I have bounding around my brain about things I've seen and things I wonder about. Don't mind me. I live separate lives anyway and with the initial split into animanga zone two years ago, it was a matter of time before it happened again.

Just bear with me and, as with the first separate blogging life, this blog won't be mentioned again.

For more information about how this new blog came about, you can read the first article here: "and so it continues..."

A hundred and thirteen...

The weather in this city seems to be getting hotter and hotter every week. It makes for lack of motivation if you want to go grocery shopping or jogging, or even a few steps to the mail box. A few days ago, our air conditioner's fan broke and needed to be fixed, so there was some money flying out the window. I'm hoping this heat wave doesn't keep up for too long. After August, summer should be coming to an end, so maybe we'll be getting better weather soon.

In other news, I've gone and completely reorganized my room so that it doesn't look like things explode every time someone walks in. I can finally proudly tell my parents that I have a white carpeted floor and there are no obstructions trying to get to my desk. Buying a new bed and throwing out my old high school toy bunk bed helped a lot. Because along with throwing out the old bed, I also emptied a lot hidden shoe boxes full of unneeded crap and pitched all of that as well. Following, I went through my entire wardrobe and probably got rid of fifty percent of it-- you know those clothes and outfits you WISH you could still wear from a few years back, but haven't worn since the first time you tried it on?

Things are changing around here now, so hopefully I can keep up this better habit of making my bed every day after I get up and keeping things organized. My next task will be to tackle the closet full of old college notes, textbooks and a lot more random crap. I even have plans to reorganize our kitchen drawers-- but that's for a while later on.

And then, maybe I can even learn how to be more social with people I normally don't hang out with. Since my two closest friends are no longer "right down the street and around the corner", I've been spending more than enough time sitting around at home and trying to come up with things to do. Granted, I'm really, really good at finding things to do on my own, I kind of miss going out to eat and haven't even tasted expensive dining since I last visited my friend in Georgia in March. However, my work schedule is also going through some changes, so even if I wanted to go out to eat, it's not going to be an easy task.

I guess you can't always win, right? Wanting more hours just means I socialize less. Wanting to socialize more would require sacrificing hours, which means giving up the chance to make money. Decisions... Decisions...

Right now, I think my big thing is saving money. After dropping a good sum for a couple items around the house, like a new bed and fixing broken appliances, I'm starting to feel the lash of needing to have a savings account.

Anyway... happy heated weather. Maybe it'll storm sometime and bring the heat down. It'd be nice if it rained for a couple days straight and actually be cooler instead of making things more humid.

Yea, it really doesn't stop...

anicabyss' - drama zone

Yea, don't go there unless you're ABSOLUTELY interested. But it's a new chapter and well, the post says everything. Have fun! But don't say I didn't give warning.

A rather bland update

In case anyone at all (reader population unknown, but probably less than a 2-digit number) cares to know, I've been chugging along this boring and monotonous life like I'm going to live forever. Every day is another "I can do that tomorrow" day and so I spend endless hours reading books, watching movies, and listening to music.

I've recently picked up a passion for Korean drama. I had been interested in the K-drama arena for a long time, but nothing had ever really enticed me to do anything but consider watching; then my parents picked up their passion for Korean drama and it gave me more of an interest.

And then I watched a particular one called You're Beautiful and despite the extravagant and overdone costuming and make-up of the cast members, I was hooked. I'm a sucker for romantic-comedies after all, and I've always liked the old fashion "girl crossdressing as boy" plot line. Throw in a few good-looking men, some really catchy music, and the next thing you know, I'm a fan of the Korean entertainment industry.

Now I'm a follower of Korean drama and have found myself a whole new band to stalk on the internet. I've always been a follower of different Asian music artists, so this isn't too big of a surprise. Of course, I'm still a bit choosy about what I watch-- Korea has always had a trend set for tragic story lines and I'm an avid supporter of happy endings. So hopefully I don't run into anything that be too depressing.

Of course, I must say, Korean actors are seriously good at their crying scenes. You really just feel for them and can't help but to shed a few tears as well. Even IF you're a heartless soul of cold stone like myself. :D

Anyway, aside from being a lazy couch potato at home, I've been working and working and working. And then I've decided that I want to diversify myself by being adept at many different languages. Since I'm already bilingual and I have a better affinity for Asian languages anyway, I'm going to start with Korean and Japanese with a side of learning how to read and write Chinese characters (something I should have started a long, long, long time ago. Later, I'll consider something new, like maybe French or even Russian. And I'll also have to brush up on the Spanish that I had learned throughout highschool because even after five straight years of learning the language, I think the extent of my conversational Spanish is pretty much asking where I can find the bathroom.

Ten years... and counting... reluctantly

So the inevitable has happened.

A ten year reunion. Messages start to appear and everyone's planning, getting ideas, making arrangements, asking for volunteer helpers.

Ten years.

I now remind myself that I am officially in my late twenties, about to be reminded that I have been out of high school for ten years already. Of course, this isn't as bad (or maybe it is) as the little girl I work with pointing out that I am ten years older than she is. I had grunted and said, "That's not true, there are only nine years between seventeen and twenty-six."

And so let the melancholy begin.

I think I just need to convince myself that being "almost thirty" is really not that big of a deal. At least it's probably not that big of a deal for a lot of people who already have ideal careers, family and have lived.

I have two degrees and two part-time jobs, no boyfriend, and I still live with my entire family I've been living with since I was born.

Really... I think the only thing I've accomplished proudly is getting a brand new car and paying for it myself.

Terrible weather, terrible weekend, terrible me

So I had a long and agonizingly boring weekend. But yes, it was all my own fault. I should have just dismissed all the talk about storms and showers and whatnot and I should have just gone to Kansas City like I had planned. Instead, like a good little girl, I listened to my parents and chose not to make that long three hour drive to visit with my best friend.

I'm a horrible person. I made plans, I got all excited, my best friend got all excited, but as soon as Mom and Dad said, "You should reschedule because of the storm," I unhesitatingly said, "Yea, you guys are probably right."

And then what happened? Wichita was a very nice, peaceful and sunny weekend. Granted, apparently Kansas City was storming up like crazy, I don't think I would have hit any bad weather on my drive.

I'm so stupid that I amaze myself.

And so, out of spite, which no one seemed to pick up, I just moped around and stayed in my room all weekend-- just like an emo high school teenager who just got grounded by her parents.

OH. MY. GOD.

What the heck am I? I'm not a teenager anymore; I'm a grown adult who can make decisions on my own and will suffer the consequences of driving in a storm for three hours to visit my best friend.

What the hell was I thinking anyway?

I feel so embarrassed just thinking about it that I've been berating myself ever since the weekend ended and I realized that we actually had quite good weather. And my parents walked around talking about how business at work had been slow lately, probably because people were going out of town or something.

What the hell?!!

But I did it. It was all my own fault and my own doing. I should have just stuck with the plans and told Mom and Dad that everything would be just fine and I would make it there and back in one piece.

My days have been melancholic as thus.

Because no matter what it is that's going on, I have a feeling that my parents are more against me going out and having fun than they are with my brothers. I've been sitting around at home every evening and my days consist of waiting for work and then waiting for sleep. I try to help out around the house with chores and all, but that really doesn't make my day go by any faster.

And then when I decide to make plans for myself, I suddenly get this weird feeling that neither of my parents are very supportive of my actually having a social life outside of home and work. It's like, they think I shouldn't be out having fun and should be home doing chores like making dinner, doing laundry or cleaning house.

That's how I felt when I told my parents that I was going to Kansas City to visit my best friend for a few days.

"Oh... you're going to Kansas City?"

And that's the last I heard of them saying anything about it and they then kept forgetting that I had made plans to do as much for the weekend. And then when that supposed "storm" was coming into Wichita, they very gleefully told me that I needed to stay home because of the weather, "suggesting" that I reschedule for another weekend. And of course, no one, not even me, considered that the storm was coming into Wichita and not Kansas City and that the drive there would probably be just fine and nice.

I'm stupid. I know. I need to learn how to think things over.

So I disappointed my best friend and disappointed myself. And I even told my boss that I could not work that weekend because I would be out of town.

***

Trudging around the house looking like a lost soul doesn't help my case either. It's really funny how as soon as my brother looks like he's not going out and being bored at home, Mom immediately worries about him and tells me to hang out with him more and blah, blah, blah... But I've been moping around the house for months since my best friend left the city for her new job. But there has been no word about my being bored and lifeless and needing some companionship.

Mom just simply asks: "What's wrong with you?" Or something to that extent in Chinese. And when I shrug my shoulders and say that I have nothing to do, she replies with, "Well, staying home and not going out means that you spend less money."

And our conversation ends there.

And Dad's even more direct with his response to my boredom: "You can help clean house and make dinner and learn how to cook better."

I feel like I've lost my will to live a full and exciting life now. My goal is to survive my family for the rest of my life. How sad is that?

Anyway...

With this ranting gone and done, I still feel no satisfaction, but at least I know why I've been so bored lately. My parents encourage my brothers to go out and make friends. They then turn around and encourage me to stop going out because it would involve spending money.

I guess they've forgotten that, even whenever I go out, I have never spent more money than any of my brothers. I have a savings account and I have a car paid off earlier than planned. And while I ended up not going to Kansas City, I still ended up buying a few games online with a simple click of a PayPal button. I think I spent more money holing myself up at home than I would have had I gone to Kansas City.

PayPal is a very dangerous easy shopper concept...

***

In other news, my motivation to continue writing has come to a halt, but my desire to continue writing is still hanging like a haunting ghost. I've tried what I can to get things rolling, but instead of working on things that are in progress, I'm brainstorming new material for newer plots.

It's a shame I can't just come up with a plot, snap my fingers and get the story to write itself. Not to brag or anything, but I think I'm rather good at coming up with characters and back story and story plots. It's the writing process that's getting me where it hurts the most.

***

Oh yes, and a new blog layout. I thought it was time for a change.

I was not meant to fly

As the post title says, I was not meant to fly.

Last week I was sent to North Carolina for job training. While I don't mind having a bit of a vacation and time away from home, I had thoroughly decided that I cannot really tolerate going anywhere by plane. Coming home from North Carolina was the most stressful four hours I've had in a long time. Because not only was my first flight delayed to the point that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to catch my connection flight, but my second flight was also delayed and then it was "rocky" the entire flight.

I know that this is probably something that fairly normal for people who fly all the time. You get delays, you get turbulence, you spend a lot of time trying to find the correct gate, running across the entire span of Atlanta's airport while people in front of you hog the entirety of the escalator, chatting freely when you need to get by in a rush. And then when you ask if they could, maybe please let you go by because you're in a hurry, they give you dirty looks.

And the staff of the airport don't make things easy on you either. Telling me that thirty minutes is plenty of time for me to catch my connection flight was NOT something that would placate my nerves. Arriving in Atlanta at 8:25 PM and having a flight at 8:55 PM was enough to make me want to hurl something or cry. I really wanted to ask the girl whether or not she'd actually seen Atlanta's airport, because thirty minutes was not enough time to wait for your carry-on and then speed from a Gate A12 to Gate C38.

Of course, I made it in time to realize that my connection flight had been delayed by twenty minutes anyway.

Go figure. I make a big fuss about not getting to my flight on time and I find out that I had plenty of time to move slowly. And thanks to the guy who happily checked some carry-on bags so that they would be transferred from one plane to another due to lack of space in the overhead compartments for carry-on luggage, I didn't have to wait to pick up my bag and could just rush off to my next gate.

So... I guess it really wasn't that bad once I made it onto my next plane and got home.

But still... for someone who has flown for a total of three trips within the year, I think I've reached my quota and I shall gladly stay on the ground.

***

North Carolina was very green. I saw the ground from my window seat on the flight there. A very pretty place with lots of trees and grass and lots of land. The training was two days and so I was pretty much there and back and it felt like I hadn't even really been out of town. It was a nice place, but it felt much more stressful than my trip to Chicago only because I hadn't had time to adjust before I needed to readjust to my sleeping schedule. For two days, I had to make sure to wake up in the morning and actually sleep during the nighttime. And as soon as I was adjusted, I got home and needed to figure out how to switch back to staying up all night for my shift the next day... well, the next night.

This switching back and forth isn't too bad if I didn't have such a set time to be up and go to sleep. Then again, the hotel room was an actual suite with a living room, kitchen and a bedroom, so at least I slept comfortably. I watched television on the couch until I was sleepy enough to transfer myself to the bed and then watched television on the bed until I finally fell asleep. It would have been nice to stay in that suite for an extra few days instead of just two nights. And so maybe in the future, just for the heck of it, I'll take a nice road trip somewhere and stay in a hotel for the weekend or something just to relax... even if I don't go anywhere.

Sometimes, you just need to be away from home and have a hotel room all to yourself. It's actually pretty darn nice.

When I was in Chicago, it felt pretty nice to have a hotel room to myself for four nights in a row. I could spread all of my clothes out on one bed, sprawl myself out on the other and just be lazy all evening until it was time to sleep. I could call room service for dinner and just walk around like I owned the place.

***

In other news, third shift is good to me, I'm going to be seeing my best friend in a few days and I have gotten myself a new computer to replace the one that has been breaking on me. My brother is going to try to spend the summer figuring out what had happened to that computer; it's not old, but it likes to crash at random times and as I am not a very computer savvy type, I was starting to get a little annoyed that I didn't know what was wrong with it, my brothers hadn't been able to figure out what was wrong with it, and it was just being so random that I would probably end up throwing it out the window before my brothers got around to doing some more in-depth investigation.

Oh, and I think those sneaky wisdom teeth of mine have finally decided that it's time to torment.

Anyway... blogging is pretty fun. I really, really should get back into it more often. It's just that, a lot of things I want to talk about have to do with work, but where I work, I absolutely CANNOT say a lot of things as according to HIPAA. And so rather than trying to pick and choose my stories and heavily editing it so that it's appropriate, I've chose just to be safe and not talk about my job at all if I can help it. I can talk about my other job... but who wants to hear me whine and complain about the part-time food service/hospitality job I do and all the irrational people I meet regularly? :D