"Yea, that's what I said... now carry on."Lately, this is somewhat how I'm feeling. I talk, and people just kind of look at me funny. And that's when I wonder, "Do I really sound like an idiot 99% of the time when I speak?" And if I do, then why insist that I talk at all?
People confuse me regularly. And I have my moments where I am very, very easily confused. I'm a very straight-laced person with a mind operating on the most simplistic level you could probably find in society today. Everything is either up or down -- things in between are debatable and may be subject to scrutiny
But now I'm starting to get off topic... not that there really was a topic in this post to begin with. And thus here I am confusing the heck out of myself. I'm great, aren't I?
For the past couple days, maybe weeks, I've been endlessly floating around without any desire or any motivation to come up with something to do with the rest of my life. I become excited when I pick up my paycheck, then I stop to realize I've been cheated of my hard work because I'm not being paid enough for what I do. I make absolutely not 100% effort to change things as I probably would have done about six years ago before I started higher education.
Life is full of stupid twists like that.
Where I had fully wanted to make sure my future was set, I ended up screwing myself over even more than I expect. Where I wanted to work hard to accomplish something very significant for my well-being, I end up accomplishing absolutely nothing of significance. And when I think about where I want to go with my Bachelor of Science degree in Forensic Science of which I had really learned absolutely nothing, I can only think of full-time, underpaid positions in retail or the commonly found bitchwork associations.
Why do I even have this degree? And then why do people insist that I only need a degree to get someplace and then immediately shun me when they find out I have no field-related experience? If you really wanted me to have experience to ride this ride, then why didn't you just say so in the first place and spare me some unneeded despair and time wasting?
And lastly, why do things have to be so hard when it comes to me wanting to do something that I want to do for myself?
And so whenever I open my mouth to speak, words come out, but maybe they just sound entirely alien.
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