Social LIfe + Me = Chaos

I think I'm well rounded as a private person. I will admit personally that I'm no good when it comes to my social skills. On top of that, I don't know how to deal with people. And so what do I do? I don't. I don't do anything at all.

I've always been like that. Unless someone greets me first, I have reserves about initiating anything along the lines of introductions or small talk. I like to remain in my own little world if possible. This is where I feel comfortable. I know all the people in my little world and I know I don't have to do anything unecessarily excessive.

And maybe I've just never given a care about whether other people care to know that I exist. I have my significant family and friends. And that's enough for me. I'm a very simple person.

Over the past three years of working in a social setting, however, I though that I've at least improved. When I'm at work and facing clients, it's easier for me to smile like an idiot and greet and make small talk. But this is an obligation that comes in tune with working in hospitality-- a customer service necessity. Outside of work, I think I revert back to my old self where I will not look at other people at all unless they are directly related to me somehow-- a friend, a family member, a coworker, some acquaintance I may have met somewhere who looks familiar and who seems to recognize me too.

But of course, I don't take the initiative to meet new people. And then when new people take the initiative to come and say hello... well, I think I become a complete jerk. I clam up; I don't talk; I avoid eye contact; I just avoid, avoid and I avoid.

To tell the truth, I don't know how I feel about that. I'm not sure if I'm doing it out of natural habit or if I'm doing it because I just don't feel comfortable meeting new people. Frankly, I've always liked my life of solitude-- I stay at home and occasionally go out with friends. My hobby involves being by myself as I type away senselessly at works of writing that will probably never be finished.

I'm comfortable with my small circle of people. I live in a small, small bubbly world. It makes me feel at ease and it makes me happy.

And yet I know I want to expand my social circle, even if just a tiny bit. Because I know that it's good to have connections, to have good networking, to have another friend rather than an enemy. I'm always commenting that my best friend needs to learn how to expand her social circle a little bit; that she needs to meet new people, date more guys and not dwell on a seven year relationship that probably isn't even working out. It probably isn't even a seven year relationship, but it's been long enough for her to know whether or not she should move on.

But saying is a lot easier than actually doing. Because I'm the big, crybaby hypocrite who can't even take the time of day to learn how to properly socialize with new people. Because I'm the idiot who would scowl at every man who tries to be friendly. I've already claimed my spinsterhood because I know what kind of a person I am; and I've long ago quit asking those stupid "why" questions about my non-existent love life and why it doesn't exist.

Because if a guy wasn't interested before, he won't be interested at all. And if he does become interested somehow, he will lose interest quickly. I don't make it easy for people to like me at first impression. I don't act cute, I don't act girly, and I sure as hell am not friendly or talkative enough to hold interest.

Yes. I know all of that.

I just don't know why I do it. I don't know if I'm just uncomfortable with change-- because if one day I do end up finding some guy entering my life in an unheard of way, I know it will be a massive change. I don't know if I'm just being difficult because I'm a self-piteous stubborn girl. Maybe I've just never been able to break out of that introverted, private bubble of mine. Maybe I just don't know how to talk to people and prefer to remain silent otherwise.

Or maybe I'm just some weird and twisted, mentally unstable person who would prefer that life stood still as it is. No new people, no new changes, and no new surprises may make me happier. I like to watch as life happens around me, but I prefer for it not to happen to me. It's as if I'm a viewer, a reader, or a writer and everything that's happening is really just another story unfolding in front of my eyes. And I'm simply sitting there and spectating. There is no need for me to go anywhere and there is no need for me to accept any interruptions.

Am I a little too stubborn in my own ways?

The Holidays are Scary

I cannot wait for everything to be officially over. Granted, I like going to Christmas parties, I like hanging out with my friends, and I love seasonal foods and whatnot. But I hate this rush rush of the holidays. It's almost as if everyone thinks they have no time in the world to slow down.

And that's when everyone gets cranky, and the next thing you know, the holidays are no longer happy ones.

I can't quite say that I get a so called "Christmas Break" like many others-- where I part time at, there is no such thing as a break. But it's fine by me since I have nothing else better to do with my time anyway. Money makes the world go round, more hours means more money, and so the world is making its rounds quite smoothly right now. Until you accidentally drop a dirty fork, knife, or spoon on someone... or if you mix up some drink orders at the bar and realize that you probably have to pay for it later.

Yeah... the holidays kind of suck for me right now.

I am looking forward to next month wherein I can finally beging studying in my newly chosen Medical Technology area and work fewer before the crack of dawn hours. If I have to serve another breakfast, I may just have to throw scrambled eggs at someone.

But anyway, as life has it, you must take what gets thrown your way. Or dodge it and then turn around and pick it up, cause someone's gotta pick it up before it rots and dies, right?

In recent non-social news of mine, I've been immersing myself in online games and such to waste away my time (and my brain). Writing has become a distant and slippery grasp for me, and my room could stand a little cleaning.

Otherwise, days are peachy.

I'm a Jerk... Read to Learn More

So for the past three weeks I've been hounded by my parents about enrollment and tuition and whether or not I've got my class schedule for next semester taken care of. I personally have been wondering about it as well, because, after all, this is my future career we're talking about here and this is really, really important to me.

Never mind that there are other issues in my life and never mind that people are asking me about my social life as well. I'm one tracked right now, and all I care about is my education and what I'm going to be doing after I graduate with yet another degree-- hopefully more useful than the last one.

"I'll take care of it," I've been telling my parents. "I've been accepted into the program, and I've paid my deposit for a seat. They have to let me enroll, no matter what." I didn't tell my parents that the current head of the department also told me that a lot of this stuff would be taken care of within the couple weeks after and before semester.

My parents, of course, only want results now.

"I've been in contact with her (the department head)," I tell my parents. "We're working on it." Okay, so it was a bit of a fib, but whatever anyone says, I have been in contact with the department head and I am slowly, but surely, working on it. It's just not working the way they (or even I for the matter) have been expecting it.

So in order to not feel like an ass for forgetting a lot of what I've been told about the enrollment process, I figure I would call out to the department and get word for word how it's all going to work. In which case, I can then relay to my parents that everything is going as planned and that there is no need to worry at all about anything... yet.

Of course, even though I'm a bit lax about this whole situation, I've had those moments where I'm panicking as well, thinking that I've been forgotten. After all, my acceptance letter hadn't been sent to me when all the other letters were sent out and I got a little worried that my second letter might have gotten mixed up again.

So I call...

"Well, what happened was, I was in a car wreck and I've been out for a week..."

Okay, this was NOT what I expected to hear from someone I was about to get on about forgetting about me.

"Don't worry, I didn't forget about you."

Double shit...

And then I commence my apologies for anything and everything I can think of that I may or may not have done wrong to this woman. I'm sorry for calling you at this time. I'm sorry if I'm rushing you. I'm sorry for bothering you. I had no idea. I'm sorry about what happened. I'm so, so, so sorry that I'm even living and breathing and giving you a hard time. Please accept my humble apologies because I don't deserve to live anymore.

And while I'm here apologizing, she's trying to rant about the new department head's decision to change all the schedules and flip flop things that shouldn't be touched. And I really should be listening because I already screwed up by assuming that I'd been forgotten and I was a little peeved...

Well... things will be worked out indeed. But before that, I think I need to go on a bit of a shopping trip to find this current department head a massive apology/thank you gift.

Because right now, I feel like the world's biggest ass.

I shall commence lamenting and try to repent my sins by offering sacrifices of my own blood, fat, and other bodily fluids that may help mankind out. Organ donations can be signed for at the front desk, but none are being distributed until I actually kick the bucket and die in my freak accident.

Just Another Day

I berate myself for having neglected this blog, but then again, I've been neglecting a lot of things I should be doing. I'm really bad like that.

The past few days have felt really hectic, even though only a handful of things have occurred.

For instance, my work schedule is kind of slackened now and I've really only worked four days this weeks. I even got Sunday off because another coworker wants more hours. And I'm thinking, I really don't care either way if I get hours, because I don't like this place. My boss is saying, "Are you sure you don't mind?" And I say, "Nah, I don't care either way. He can have my hours. It doesn't bother me." But what I'm really thinking is, "Yes, I get Sunday off! I get Sunday off! I don't have to wake up at six in the morning to go to work! Yay!"

My friend's birthday is coming up, and just as well, she had recently had a Christmas party. This time around, the two of us were smart and decided to plan the party for early December instead of later in the month. After all, everyone has plans by then and other parties to attend. We thought by doing it this way, the turn out would be a little bit better than the previous years.

Of course, people are fickle and inconsiderate, and a bunch of asses (excuse my language) and about five people called to cancel at the last minute. All-in-all, a handful of about ten people showed up.

But as my friend would say, only all the important people showed, so she was quite content about it.

As per most years, we made food... lots and lots of food. Brown sugar and pineapple juice glazed ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, desserts, etc., etc., and etc....

Everyone loves our ham, and we learned that cooking is really a trial and error method in order for us, in general, to actually make anything good. It's a secret and includes lots of "Did you glaze the ham yet?" "No." "Okay, I'll glaze it now." "But you just glazed it two minutes ago." "And?" "Yea, go glaze the ham."

We're chaotic cooks, but that's okay because the end result is favorable.

After the dinner party we went out where I displayed a quite ridiculously uncontrolled state of inebriation where I slightly remember what I did, but was being told otherwise. When I said that I didn't remember having done such a thing, I was laughed at for being trashed. I sure as hell remember a lot of things, even though it all seemed blurry, but apparently, there's not convincing people that I can actually remember things when I'm drunk. They think they can recreate the night for me and I wouldn't know the difference.

Right...

I'm not an idiot, but I guess I'll play along since it's not a big deal. No one was hurt in the process and everyone gets a good laugh. Yea, I tell people I don't really remember anything, but that has nothing to do with the alcohol as much as it has to do with my own ability to remember details that are significant.

But the night proved to be fun, and I spent the next couple days thinking that I did something that I normally wouldn't do to some guy, of which I shouldn't have had to worry because even drunk, I think I'm still a bit of a prude.

***

In other news, I've jumped back into the habit of writing my stories again, but the big issue is mostly about which one I feel I should work on. There are too many and I'm just not sure where to start.

I'm pathetic.

Med Tech Ahoy!!

So I just received word that I've been accepted into the Medical Technology program. Hopefully this will be the next step out into my not so stable and not so established career.

I'm kind of giddy because I was extremely worried that I wouldn't get accepted since I've been having problems with one particular professor and my reference letter. Hopefully I can talk him into finishing it up and sending it in for the record.

But, all in all, I'm extremely ecstatic.

I've been accepted!

I haven't anything else to really say about it. I can't wait to get started!

The Elections and a Looooong Week

So the elections are now over. The president of the United States is officially Barack Obama, winning 349 to 147 electoral votes. He won popular votes as well at 52%. And then the nation swings democrat now.

I personally care little for politics. I have enough on my plate as is. If voting was going to get me a decent full-time job with benefits as well as get my parents off of my back on how to run my life... I guess I would vote.

My vote in Kansas feels like it would make little difference anyway. I don't get to elect the president, and Kansas is a Republican state no matter who votes. I've never understood politics. I don't know if I ever will.

***

But onto other news...

While the elections were going on, I was working all day. Everyone around me talked about the elections. Todd Tiahrt even had his victory party at the Hilton-- a pack of hungry wolves it was a long night.

And life goes on.

The rest of the week feels like it's going to kill me again. I am motivated to move onto finding a different job, but it seems that I'm not motivated enough. In fact, I'm starting to have little confidence that I'll be able to get any results with my life at all.

But anyway, life goes on and I'm sure I'll come up with something soon.

My Crumbling Life... or Just Overdramatizing (if that's even a word)

OMG! Because of the elections there is no Heroes tonight! I'm a little devastated. Especially now that the series is getting into a good twist.

.......

Onto other news, well, there really is no other news except the usual.

My grandma's birthday was yesterday. We went out to eat, we went home to eat, and basically, I think I ate enough to feed myself for the next two months. When you're with grandma, there is no break between meals.

***

Anyway, in other news, Maeven has updated chapter 23 of Through Me. No links this time because I'm lazy, but I have Maeven's Fictionpress link in the sidebar. Enjoy. I know I will.

In a Nutshell

My boss is probably trying to kill me.

Or she could just be trying to give me the motivation to run away. After all, what young college graduate will be satisfied remaining in a place where you only get paid $2.35 an hour. Even with gratuities the pay is sometimes not enough. There are no exemplary benefits save for cheap hotel stays outside of the city, and there aren't incentives to work harder.

I clearly hate my job. I know it, my coworkers know it, my boss knows it, and my parents have known it since before I set foot in the damn place.

Next week will be a battle against Ani's patience as I go up against, not one, but three days of early morning before the rooster crows, before the sun rises, and before the nighttime partiers even go home to sleep workdays. Yes, I'm sure there are still people out drinking up a storm and partying when I wake up at four in the morning to get ready for work.

It looks like I have Friday off, at least, not that I would have minded working on Friday. I specifically told my boss that I was available on Halloween, unlike many others would be. I have no social life outside of my work, my school, and my family. My friends come around once every full moon and I get invited to a party once every leap year.

It's a quiet, lazy, simple life for me and that's fine. I don't think I would prefer it any other way as I am a pretty private person.

Of course, there are always those days where privacy seems thrown out of the window and I wish that I had another different, more solitary lifestyle than I have now. Do I ask for too much?

Through Me X 2 and Paintball Battle Wounds

On Sunday my brothers, their friends, and I went to Frog Holler for a nice game of paint ball. Or rather... we were demolished by a bunch of cheating loud mouth kids. But that's not the point.

We had fun. It's been about five years since the last time I went paintballing, I think. The last time I went was, of course, with my three brothers and one of big brother's friends. The refs out there were rather nice and allowed us to play against each other instead of with strange people who like to shoot newbies because they know they can.

Sadly, I'm cursed with always being on the losing side. Or maybe I've just got the worst luck ever. Or maybe I just suck at paint ball.

The only other time I went paintballing was so, so long ago when I'd just started college and my big brother was engaged to some girl he'd met at a restaurant and had been dating for three months. Again, it was me, the brothers, and this time it was also a bunch of the little brother's crazy friends (I emphasize crazy, immensely). Also thrown into the bunch was big brother's fiancee's little sister who was a freshmen in high school at the time.

We played all day. I got tired. For the very last game, I sat out and watched as my little brother and his friend did a nice little kamikaze down the hill into enemy territory to steal the victory. My brother is crazy like that. He likes to rush the battle field instead of wait patiently in hopes that paintballs will zip by you without contact and the game will end without you having to do anything or move anywhere.

So I play cautious. No big deal. I'm just clumsy and would rather secure my best efforst in not getting hit and thrown out of the game rather than getting hit as soon as I set foot into the game. This means no senseless movements or rushing forward. I'm quite content staying in the back.

This time around at paintball, I tried to do something... The key term here is that I tried. It didn't really work out too well though and I stayed in the back and shot randomly at anyone who looked like they were about to get up.

Still, I had fun. And then the next day there was the aching pain of muscles rebelling. Also, the very first place I was actually hit on my body was my neck and my back. Big purple and ugle bruises. My coworkers are swearing up and down that I've been naughty and that the bruise on my neck is really a hickey.

Right, like in this lifetime I would actually be able to experience getting a hickey at all.

But anyway. Onto other news.

If I hadn't already mentioned it, Grandma has completely moved into her new house and will no longer have to return to her drabby, aging, ancient, bad neighborhood, bolt the doors down to keep people out house. We're all a little gratified that Grandma no longer has to be paranoid that some stupid street kid will decide to break in.

I'm moving along at snail's pace in my efforts to A)find a better job, and B) get into the Medical Technology program to ensure a good opportunity in the future. But I met with the Med Tech department head and she says that not only will I like the program, but I've also got the typical personality of a Medical Technologist. She also mentioned that I'm just like her in those respects. I feel a little more calm because I almost feel like I've already guaranteed myself a spot in the program.

Not a time to get my hopes up yet, but I'll look forward to it.


Finally, I've been stuck on other things for a while including watching the rest of Moonlight Resonance, doing my homework and working overtime. When I received my little author alert about Maeven's newest story updates, I kind of blew them off for a while. Then, not long after, I checked my email again yesterday and found yet another update. I'm quite ecstatic, and so I'm off to read the two newest chapters of Through Me 21 and 22. Soon we shall see what will occur between our favorite heroes and the little conflict that's been brought to light.

As for Moonlight Resonance, I may or may not comment on the series as a whole later on. But for now, I can mention that as much as I liked it and as much as I preferred it to its predecessor, I'm a little disappointed at the outcome and how things were played out. More on this later.

Heroes and Too Much Work

So the third season of Heroes has begun to air. I missed the season premier, but fortunately was graced with online streaming and so I saw it anyway.

It was a jam-packed two episode premier, and the effect was rather "Whoa!" because within these two simple fourt-five minute episodes, too much happens. I don't want to give away too many spoilers, but let's just say that everyone seems a lot more emo than they were from season 1. In season 2, there hadn't been too much time to elaborate on the degree of emo that our "heroes" end up in because Hollywood's writers decided to go on strike and ended Heroes in the middle of the season.

The very first scene of the first episode, I swear, probably came right out of a Matrix movie scene. I think that what Claire was wearing is a dead-copy of Trinity's usual pick of clothing.

But anyway, despite the immense complications and increase in mysteries, more adventures are being added on and I'm looking forward to the rest of the season.

Peter is on a mission to "save the world" as he always seems to be, but this time there's an interesting twist that is revealed at the very beginning. Hiro, of course, is so dead set on being a hero that he may end up screwing up horribly this time. For once, his best friend is the one with the level-head and his wits among him. Claire is as emotional as ever and probably more so after an encounter with Sylar. After being shot by a "mysterious assailant" back in season two, Nathan has become somewhat... looney, which is a shame because he was probably the more normal, more intelligent, more stable of all the heroes in the entire series. Suresh has lost it... completely, and I'll leave it at that. We know nothing of what happened to Niki/Jessica or her son and relatives... but OMG, there's a Niki look-alike out there?!!

Anyway, there are so many new things going on and so much revealed and so many more new questions brought to attention. And this is all just within the first two episodes so I can only wonder what the rest of the series is going to be like. You don't get a chance to stop for breath when you're watching Heroes cause if you stop paying attention for even a second, you may just miss something very important.

Also, we get to reunite with Claire's biological mother once again, and Angela Petrelli finally displays what her great power is.

As a spoiler, my brother told me that the very last episode is revealed to be titled "War." I have quite the ideas on what will incur during this third volume of Heroes. And being that season two couldn't really elaborate on the "Generations", hopefully it won't take away the effect of volume three's "Villians" because there's a significance to this title.

***

In other news, I'm tired of homework. Case closed. Although I haven't had much time to do my homework what with my part-time job and with my... obsessed attachment to Warhammer Online.

But seriously, I need to learn how to self-discipline myself. Otherwise, there may be some problems. I've successfully contacted all the professors for the sake of my application into the Medical Technology program and hopefully it will be smooth sailing from here on out. If I can get in, I can begin working my way into a lab and getting acquainted with that so-called "experience" that every job employer is looking for.

The holidays are approaching quickly with Halloween around the corner and Thanksgiving and Christmas not too far behind. You might say that the latter two are still two months away, but time, I've discovered, flies be so quickly that you don't even have time to comment on how far away Christmas feels.

After this semester, I'll have completed Immunology and will have no other class to take until my acceptance into Medical Technology. And so I'll have a whole semester free of school work so maybe I should consider searching for a different part-time job to occupy my time.

If I may do so, I feel I should take that semester to work on my writing as well as my anime and manga blog other things.

On a side note, I am fully pumped and ready to go about dieting because in another ten pounds, I think I may just go shoot myself. Thus, joining a gym may not be a bad idea... though I think in the end, I may just start looking for a KSS class to take for the sake of being a student out there and being out at the gym at WSU. And because I'm not too certain about whether or not I'll be kicked of my student status if I don't take a class during one of the semesters...

Anyway. Whatever.

An Emo Moment... Apologies are in order to begin with... *bows*

I understand the complications. I understand why my parents persist. And I understand it all. What I don't understand is why it's so hard for my parents to understand how to practice a little bit of consideration... or even a little bit of...

You know, I don't really know what I want from them. But what I don't want is for them to continuously be breathing down my back about doing certain things and then give me obstacles.

Like you really think that this is an effort I've never tried to make on my own. And like you really think that this is something I enjoy.

I know. I know. And I know.

But right now, I can't seem to keep myself from wanting to explode or burst into tears. I'm not a depressing person, but certain circumstances always turn me into one. Right now is really not the best time to make me feel so much more inferior than the rest of the world.

So what if I'm overweight? So what if I'm fat? So what if I'm practically rolling stomach out of my shirts? So what if I'm so disgusting that it hurts to look at me? I can one hundred percent tell all of you fools that I am healthier than a marathon runner. I could probably out run one if I feel like it because I'm a fool like that. My being fat has nothing to do with MY personal health.

Because for all my glory of being a hundred pounds heavier than my parent's ideal target weight, I've yet to contract any disease or disorder mostly common within my family and caused by being obese. I'm very healthy.

And now I'm being completely random and stupid. I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about anymore.

But you know, surgar-coating the words "Your fat and you need to lose weight because we can see your bulging stomach" with the words "we just want you to be healthy" does not help to increase my already diminishing self-confidence that I can at least control one aspect of my life. Everything in my life is not going according to plan right now, I've lost all confidence in my future career, and I've had about three hours of sleep in the past twenty-four to four-eight hours. I'm so tired because I ran and ran all day today for the sake of a job I don't even like, but that I can't seem to stop killing my physical exterior for, and I don't even know what my life is worth anymore.

Slapping me in the face by suddenly bringing up the issue of my weight does NOT exactly tell me how much my parents love me. Instead, I just feel like I've been reduced to a cretin about to be smashed beneath Glory's bare feet. Not only that, but my right wrist is either twisted or bruised, I may have Carpel Tunnel since my left hand is always losing feeling, my right knee is beginning to give out on me again, and my back and shoulders are eternally stressed.

But you know what, according to the doctor I'm completely one hundred percent healthy and probably much more so than my athletic little brother.

I've done what my own motivation will allow. I don't eat like a pig. I've gone to physical activities classes-- I've taken Pilates, Cardio-kickboxing, Yoga, Turbokick... I've gone to the gym. I've gone on diet pills. I've done everything I can do. But it's either of my own willpower, or because of sheer misfortune.

I've never lost one pound of weight for the past three years, no matter how hard I've tried. And granted, maybe I just need to try harder. And I know that I have to try harder. And I know that I'm fat and disgusting, but I really don't need anyone telling me that... and then turning around and trying to cram another cake down my goddamned throat.

Don't be so fuckin' contradictory! Dammit, make up your minds and leave me alone. Really... just leave me alone.

Please.

Work and Warhammer

Hmm... what a weird combination. Work and Warhammer sounds like I'm about to be deployed into a battlefield.

My boss hasn't called me yet to tell me that I need to work tomorrow morning at 9:30 no matter what. I tried to pawn off that shift to another coworker of mine because starting on Thursday until Sunday I'll be doing a merciless amount of split shift work. In other words, I'll be up before the crack of dawn at 5:00 A.M. so that some crazy people can have breakfast at 7:00 A.M. and then I get to go home for a couple hours and screw around try to sleep before going back to work for the dinner shift. This if for four days in a row.

I can already feel the weariness setting in. I think I may have to call in dead this weekend.

So when one of my coworkers mentioned only having to work one day this week cause she'd asked for the weekend off, she sounded a little disappointed and distressed. So I offered her my Tuesday morning at 9:30 -- I try to be a nice person. Except now she'll be working two straight shifts tomorrow from morning until the nighttime. Oh well, I guess she is only working one day of the whole week.


As a final change in pace of all things gaming, Warhammer Online's head start gameplay begins today at 2:00 P.M. over here in the states. It took us a long time to figure out what x:00 A.M. CET was. Apparently CET is Central European Time. That's the first I'd heard of things being based off of CET instead of PST or EST or the like. Although nothing is ever based off of CST if it's a nationwide event. The central states of America just aren't that significant I guess.

It makes my little home on the range of Kansas feel so special. I think our only redeeming factor here is that we're the flattest state in the States and we get tornadoes. Oh yea, and then there's our deteriorating "Air Capitol of the World" reputation as well since all aircraft industries seem to be uprooting and shipping off to some foreign countries for better labor deals.

I'll say it now cause this is how I think: It's all the labor unions' doing. Honestly, it jitters me to no end knowing that people are still not satisfied with $20 an hour pay, plus excellent health benefits, paid vacations, paid holidays, paid Sundays, shift difference, and worthy overtime pay. And all this with just a high school degree in hand and nothing more. Accordingly, you don't even really have to do your job. And you all are going on strike because you're not being paid... what? $30 an hour.

Give me break!

I get paid $2.35/hr plus gratuities that may amount to about an average of $8.00/hr ever two weeks. My paychecks probably would never pay off if I lived on my own in a cardboard box and is really more like petty cash in this economy today. And this is if I'm lucky. Finding a better job is like picking the dead silence out of a crowd and I even have a useless degree that isn't getting me anywhere.

While I admit that I could probably be trying harder, at least I wouldn't be complaining if I had good benefits and good pay.

But that's just one of my soap boxes that maybe I should step down from before I get a lashing from other people. Labor unions are a touchy subject after all. And I'm not saying that just because you only have a high school degree that you don't deserve a good job, but people nowadays just don't know the value of satsifaction.

People always want more. We're a greedy species no matter who we are... and we're an emo species too lately. People love to live in the grandness of their melancholy and we'll be damned if someone else has a crappier life than we do.

But all of this is suddenly off topic and I need to quit.

Because all of this Warhammer Online news just ended up becoming Ani's soap box and I really hate soap boxes cause they only cause trouble and unnecessary flaming.

So back to Warhammer Online.

Well, I guess there isn't much to say about it. It starts today -- or this Thursday for those who didn't preorder and receive the head start codes -- and I'm only semi-looking forward to it. While some aspects of it are fun, it's the same deal over and over again. We quest, we do scenarios a la capture the flag type of game, and we can go and kill off other players on the open RvR battlegrounds like a first person shooter game. It's going to get boring real fast unless something new catches my attention. Because the monotonous effect was what got me turned off of Everquest 2.

Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to catch on fast and I'll be able to enjoy it.

As of today, however, I'll be spending a bit of time rushing through my Immunology notes since I have a quiz next Monday and probably won't have time to study when I start working on Thursday. Chances are, I'll still slack off... but not as much as usual. I'm even very tempted to turn on my laptop and start typing away some other story items that I really, really, really wanna work on...

My Grandma's New House and a Walk-in Closet

So it's Sunday. Sunday's are boring and drab since there's not much going on for me on Sundays. I could be doing a lot of things such as cleaning my room, doing my laundry, or even doing my homework. But it feels like it would be such a sin just to lift a finger on a Sunday.

But it's not like I'm Catholic or anything, so I guess it's okay.

So my uncle recent bought a new house on the east side of town. It's a nicer change from the neighborhood they live in currently (and have lived in for the past twenty years). It's prettier and probably much more secure -- in other words, Grandma won't have to worry about chaining and bolting every door and window in her house at night anymore.




From the outside it looks kind of small. The inside looks a little bit more spacious. But I won't deny that compared to a lot of other houses, it's actually quite small. The way the house was designed and constructed... I don't really like. I wouldn't be able to make myself buy something like this.

But... To each their own. My uncle's happy with it, my grandma's happy with it, so everything is quite alright. I guess.

The only things I could say I like are probably the deck, the walk-in closet, and the kitchen counter.



The deck is big, spacious, and has a roof hanging over it. I like this aspect. Secondly, it also leads into the master bedroom. A little creepy if you think about it, but then again, sometimes you just need those late night or early morning leave the house without anyone knowing times. Or in a workaholic's case, I guess it's a good idea to have a means to enter the house after a long day at work without encountering anyone.

In a college student's case, it's a good idea to be able to enter the house after a long party night and fall directly onto one's bed without waking the entired household -- if said entire household exists, that is. There is also quite a bit of room under the deck as well to load up outdoor items, but I'm not saying that the area is a safe haven for easily rusting gardening materials.

In my uncle and grandma's case, it's going to be the dog's room and chain up prison when visitor's are over.

And yes, that is my little brother's but in that shot. I didn't realize I got it until I actually looked. Who knows what he's bending over to pick up. Made me want to retake the picture, but it would take a little while to find the right spot and right lighting again. Camera phones really aren't all what they're hyped out to be, honestly.



Now, I like walk-in closets. They're nice. They give you a lot of room to sweep extra debris into when guests are over. I could probably throw another tub or two of unfolded clothes in there and no one would be the wiser. And there's plenty of room to do it too. I could even store extra boxes in each corner of this one. Although it's a little hard to get a full front and peripheral camera shot of the closet, I can just say that it's big.

And I especially like the shelf. I also like having the hanging rods at different heights. Makes for a good place to put different types of clothes, or to mix and match outfits. Not that I would need a clost for that. But truthfully, it also separates the weight of a bunch of clothes so that not everything is hanging in the middle of one single straight rod.

In my own closet in the past before I threw away a lot of clothes I realized I'd never be able to wear again... (that's another story) Basically the rod was screaming for a merciful end since it looked like it was about to buckle. I too was scared I'd break something so I started to pack away all those clothes and give them to my brothers as hand-me-downs (I'm a bit of a tomboy so a lot of my clothes were actually men's clothes) or I just sent them off with our garage sales and the Salvation Army trucks.

Now I make a solemn pact not to buy anymore clothes unless I absolutely need them or until I've lost about fifty pounds. End of story.



And now the kitchen.

Well, it's small. But it looks quaint. And I really like this counter for who knows what reason. It just looks so cool. With it's window and everything.

And that's all I really have to say about this part of the house. To be honest, I'm an island counter person. If I ever get a house, I need an island counter. It makes more lots of room and lots of space to throw things. And it can also serve as a dining table too if you live by yourself. Who needs to buy a new kitchen table?

I will admit I prefer to live on the west side of town over the east side of town. The east side is just so bustling and crowded... and mean. There's so much traffic and sometimes I just don't know how to get around. And there are about four Starbucks on Rock Road alone. It makes me wanna cry, cause there are really only four Starbucks on the entired west side alone. And this is including the one on Seneca which is really not counted as the west side, but more like the ghetto south side.

But anyway, to each their own. All is swell.

I'm tired as hell because of a cater-out job yesterday. I can actually feel my upper back tightening up on me. And I can't really feel my feet. And my fingers are aching, and frankly, typing up a storm doesn't help out at all.


In other news, the open beta of Warhammer Online just ended last night. I played for longer than I really needed to play. After all, it's not like I actually get to keep my character from the open beta. But now I actually have to go and pay the fifty bucks for an official game for when the game actually launches on the 18th this week. But I'll be working my butt off so I don't even know if I'll have time to play.

Ah... no matter. Really... I guess.

I'm Still in Love...

Yeah, I'm a sucker for duets, and when it's a duet with my one of my favorite guys singing, it's heaven.

This song is from Ray's newest album of which I've spoken of already. At first when I heard it and a female was singing, I was thinking... "huh? This isn't Ray." And so I looked up the album's info and found that Vincy Chan does this lovely duet with Ray.

I'm so happy about it that I just have to post about it. There's also a mandarin version, but I like this Canto version more.

Hehe

Raymond Lam -- Your Love

I'm in love...

If you thought I was an obsessed otaku fangirl weird, then you won't be surprised to see me squealing in delight at the aspect of Raymond Lam's newest CD. I love this guy.

Excuse me while I lapse into fandom and "kya!" like a fangirl.
Your Love is Ray's second album since he stepped into the music industry. The first one with the incredibly mouthful title of Searching for You in Loving Memories or what have you at your own translation, was another milestone of his (and mine) that had all of his fans swooning in pleasure. Both albums are very good, although even as a fan I will admit there are some songs that don't really catch on as quickly and I don't care about. But the majority of the music is awesome.

Frankly speaking, until he released his first album last year in 2007, I'd been anticipating his first step into the music industry because of his incredibly smooth and unique voice. He has the talent to hit all sorts of pitches and sing to all sorts of music, and he had even been given the chance to perform each and every one of his theme songs for series he participated in. Even for Heart of Greed in which he wasn't supposed to really be a main character he ended up striking up a good image as a couple with Linda Chung and so the two sang the sub theme song together.

When other persons had released an album before him, I was disappointed. We will not mention who this "other persons" is because it would just cause fan chaos.

But I'm glad that he now has two albums and many, many other songs to boot. If only I could get a nice compilation of all the themesongs sung by this guy, then I would be in happy fangirl heaven.

"Kyaa..."
Yea, this guy is hot, his acting skills are above average, his singing is incredible, and his potential is continuing to soar even higher. I can't wait to continue watching him go places with his talents and skills.


In other news, Warhammer Online from Mythic Entertainment and EA games has released its open beta this week.



My brothers and I are participating in this and will probably allow Warhammer to become the next shot of "EverCrack2" drug we indulge in for the next few months. Of course, as the official launch of the game is still a few days away, I don't know how long we'll actually play this game. After all, we gave up on Everquest 2 to play Vanguard and that ended pretty badly.

As of right now, I'm giving myself a chance to play the plethora of evil characters available... since my brother wanted to be a squig herder. Don't ask questions, you'll only cry.

While Vanguard lacked a sense of convenience and efficiency during gameplay experience, Everquest 2 had always made up for in that sense. But Vanguard was a wonder world with new adventures and new gameplay deals. Unfortunately, the world was so big that it was overwhelming and frankly a little too easy to avoid playing. Everquest 2 lacked new ideas and new scenery and so became a boring old sport.

Hopefully Warhammer will be able to provide what these two games had lacked... along with fixing some bugs that are quite annoying at this time.


In yet more news, things in the personal life are going quite monotonous right now. Work is work, school work is school work... And thanks to Gustav, we're getting really good weather here in Kansas. My sincere apologies for finding this little bit of pleasure in the grief of those down south, but it really has been sweltering hot lately and I'm glad for the change of temperament in the easily tempered Kansas weather.

I recently watched 'The Bucket List' with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nickolson which was absolutely genius and fabulous. Ever since I saw the trailer I've wanted to watch the movie. A plot with two old dying men living out the last of their days to the fullest through a philosophical "Bucket List." It was very inspirational and very humorous. Morgan Freeman is one of the most talented American actors that I can respect. Jack Nickolson is Jack Nickolson and there's not other way to describe him-- in all his glory, he's a really great actor too.

My older brother has left for Minnesota on his first Operations Manager "mission" and in fact was supposed to go to Lafayette, but due to the multiple hurricane attacks, his destination was changed. He'll be back home on Saturday, so I was told, and then soon he'll be off on yet another building visit to somewhere else. It's a pity that I can't seem to get out of this pathetic city too... no matter how hard I'm trying. And then I got told that I need to just stay in Wichita and stop thinking about going elsewhere. Really now, the only reason I'm looking out of state is because I really want out of here... But no one in his family needs to know that other wise there might be some problems.

So right now I'm stuck in my eternal state of family servitude as the Asian daughter who can't leave unless she can become rich and famous by some miracle. Or unless I can (by yet another impossible miracle) get married an unload a grandchild for my parents to play with in which case they'll be sure that I'll be coming home to remain the servant girl.

As an end note to this semi-fangirl semi-rant post, I make mention that I have once again shot myself in the Writer's Block head and come up with yet another new story idea that I can't finish. On a more positive note, my most recent story which I've designated as a "short" story is being forcefully pounded out onto "paper" a la Microsoft Word glory. I'm going to assume that as soon as I finish it, I'll at least feel like I've made some progress and can edit and re-edit it to death until I've decided that I like it enough to share it with the world... or just to some bored passerby.

A Useless Degree and Post-work-non-sleep Trauma Disorder

This is really what my work station looks like. It's a lot messier, but I left out a bit of the... other stuff that no one probably wants to see.
So my days of studying haven't ended. Because of the stupid no-use degree I've gotten from WSU is, well, of no use to me right now, I was told that maybe I should get certified for something else instead. Another degree, another two years of studying. I think I'm destined to be forever be trapped in a prison of text books, lecture notes, and pop-up quizzes.

Basically everywhere I've looked to find a job that says that they "only require a bachelor's degree in biology, chemistry, forensic science, or any related physical sciences" are all lying. I have no experience in the field and thus I'm an immediate foul out. No one wants me.

Stupid catch twenty-two. Without experience no one will hire me, but if no one hires me, where am I actually supposed to be getting this so called experience. I'm already not bothering to apply for jobs that include the words "Must have at least x years experience in the field/lab/ect..." and stuff similar to that. Cause I already know I'm not going to get those.

But I wish people wouldn't waste my time with those only a bachelor's degree necessary advertisements. It's a big disappointment when I'm not hired and I know exactly why.

But anyway, I guess for now it all comes down to, I'm not really that interested in finding a job that has nothing to do with what I've studied and so I'm being stubborn. That and I'm not really "allowed" to leave Wichita right now for my own personal reasons. And so instead of doing that, I will pursue yet another degree which may or may not ensure that I will at least find a suitable job and remain in Wichita for the rest of my life, toiling away like a little slave girl because all I have are three brothers in a family completely dominated by the male species.

No, I'm not bitter. Not bitter at all.

Nothing hurts my pride more than hearing the words "because you're a girl." If anyone other than my father says that to me in the future, I swear I'll rip him a new one. And here I am assuming that only a guy will say something like that to me when some of the females are equally guilty of associating "things that cannot be done" with "because you're a girl."

Yeah... I'm a girl. I'm a stubborn girl as well. Don't tell me I can't do something for that stupid reason. At least tell me it's because I'm stupid or because I don't have the skill or because I'm short or some other lame, non-related reason. I'd probably take it a little bit better than, "because you're a girl."

But I digress.

The busy workdays have just begun at the Hilton Hotel and in banquets, we are all suffering from post-KIOGA activity trauma. I believe the very morning after the whole full day event, having gotten only three hours of sleep within my forty-eight plus hours of work, I ended up with a sore throat. The next day it became a cold and constant coughing. It remains up to today and has returned to being an annoying little dry cough that will sneak its way up my throat and out of my mouth when I least want it to. I think I'm beign haunted or something. I really should have slept all week instead of agreeing to go into work more hours.

But money makes the world go round. No matter that I don't make enough of it to be significant.

This has become a big part of my diet in the past two days. It could probably take over for breakfast and lunch. And yes, that is a box of pocky right next to it. Doesn't help me feel better, but looking at it gives me hope of some kind. Well, not really, but I can still hope.
So anyway, Medical Technology seems to be my new calling code. I've learned that by the end of the coursework, they will give me an opportunity to work as an extern in labs around Wichita. The biggest obstacle right now is actually finishing up my application and turning it in.

I'm kind of stuck on the three references I need in order to apply as well as a "why do you want to be a medical technologist?" short paragraph essay. Now do I tell them that I don't really want to be a medical technologist and that I just need a way to get my foot in a lab? Or do I make up some extravagant story about how I want to better mankind? Do people even really do that? Want to better mankind and help people and thus choose to become a doctor, medical technologist, nurse, ect...?

Or maybe I should just use my practical reason. I want to be able to work in a lab and learn more about medicine through this route and thus survive my life because without a good job, I've no money and thus I can't pay the bills. Please accept me so that I may approach my first step of entering into the lab environment and find a good job. Thank you very much.

Yeah... that's a winning reason right there.

Before I can even get into the degree program I need to finish up this class first. Medical Immunology. It sounds fun and interesting really.

If anyone wants this book in the future, please let me know. I may never use it again and it cost me a third of my last paycheck. I really need a new job.

In final news, my grandmother is finally moving out of her dump of a neighborhood home and into one half an hour away from us on the other side of town in the area I like to call "rich person ville." I'm a west sider-- has it ever amazed anyone just how divided by directions Wichitans are? I don't like the east side, but I'm not prejudice. Call me a hypocrite cause that's probably what I am. At least grandma doesn't have to lock up every door and window with extra security every night before she sleeps. And my uncle now lives closer to his workplaces.

Post, post end note, today I lost a part of my glasses and so I have to revert to using an older pair. Not that I care, my backup pair is the same perscription and a nice style too. But this just means I have to get my newer, more fashionable pair fixed. What a drag. I don't even really want to leave home right now. I'm so tired.

Extraordinary Moonlight

I had this sudden need to watch a new TVB drama again after about a year and a half (maybe) and the first one that I chose was the very hyped, very grand production of Heart of Greed's offshoot, a somewhat of a sequel called Moonlight Resonance.

In recent Hong Kong television news, we've been seeing a lot of "Let's use the same cast in this fabulous production and try to recreate the same feel with a different storyline" type of ideas. They did it with War of the In-laws, they did it with Square Pegs, and they redid it over and over again with the War and Beauty cast. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then it would be a good idea to take a gander over at spcnet tv for a full TVB experience on various series.

But anyway, for a step back into the TVB world is something very rare for me to do. After all, I grew up watching television a la TVB and to tell the truth, I've never strayed away from it. TVB has always been my life because I grew up with them. But for the past year, maybe year and a half, I've been ignoring TVB and found myself immersed in anime other things. I tried to watch series from TVB a couple months ago.

The Seventh Day was going to be a series I looked forward to and would watch until the very end. I like the actors, I like the story idea, and the whole production of the series, though short and kind of tacky, was very beautiful. But I watched the first two episodes and then quit. I haven't touched it since.

A month or two ago I started to watch Forensic Heroes II. I thought, even if I'm not interested in the people or the storyline, I'm at least interested in the things they do. After all, Forensic Science is my forte and I thought I'd get a kick out of watching people try to do this stuff in the fictional world. Ten episodes later, I stopped bothering with it and dropped it completely.

You know, there was probably a reason why I gave up on the CSI franchise as well. No matter how real these people try to make it, they always extravagandize the whole profession to death. It's kind of tiresome to keep thinking to yourself, "You can't do that on a crime scene, it'll ruin the evidence. Where's my trace evidence collector? Where's my sticky tape? Why isn't that stupid hair secured? Quit stepping on the evidence!!"

And everyone else around me decides to start pitching a fit because I won't shut up about it. And so, yea... I'm not really allowed to watch anything to do with forensic science or crime scene investigation anymore. My bad.

But anyway, this post isn't about those two series, but it's been long enough I think I won't be able to talk about my "Moonlight Resonance" experience thus far in full. So let's just cut straight to the chase:

Moonlight Resonance is supposedly the "sequel" to Heart of Greed. Now Heart of Greed was ranked as Hong Kong and TVB's number one series of the year in 2007. Even though the production period was rather blah and little news and media coverage bothered with them, the series hit it off extremely well and unexpectedly became one of the best classic series TVB has ever produced since, maybe War and Beauty in the year 2004. Not too long, but when it comes to entertainment, everything has to be good everyday, or you're forgotten immediately.

TVB's new definition of a sequel, however, could be the traditional kind of sequel, or it could be the new "use the exact same cast members for a similar yet completely different experience in a whole new story" type of deal. The cast of Moonlight are majorly from Heart of Greed, and as a twist, our two favorites from Heart of Greed have taken center stage this time.

Moonlight, like Heart of Greed, is a drama of family, money, and power. In Heart, we had brothers and wives fighting over the family fortune of which was superior in the abolone industry. Four kids living peacefully with each other until the dastardly second wife and blood-related uncle from mother's side of the family decide that they want in on some of the estate selfishly. The family is torn apart and lawsuits ensue. Amidst all of this, the head of the family and his wife are the only two who seem to understand family unity and want to do what they can to keep the family together and at peace. Struggles ensue, deaths occur, and we are left with very tear-jerking moments when nothing seems to go right at all. Surrounding this whole family feud of a debacle, two sets of budding romances take their tolls to add onto the turmoil that is Heart of Greed.

I never got far with Heart of Greed. I never even got into the heart of the feud-- no pun intended. I gave up on watching it after I cried for the second time and couldn't stand it anymore. I also didn't really like the idea of the two romances I had already heard about time and time again. And I especially didn't really want to see all the fighting and the injustices. And most importantly, I DID not want to see the infamous, much talked about death scene of Raymond Lam's wonderfully portrayed character Alfred. I like this guy, he pulls off Alfred's asshole tendencies beautifully. But I didn't want to see him die, because that was his redeeming point and I knew I'd be crying buckets.

And I'm not a normally teary-eyed person who cries if something awful happens. Heart of Greed is indeed an accomplished tear jerker.

Moonlight doesn't stray far from its predecessor. With the notion that Moonlight is supposed to be the happier, more justifying version of Heart of Greed, I conflicted myself about giving it a watch. But I don't like family dramas. I hate it when I'm forced into tears from a mere fictional storytelling because the actors are just so good at presenting all their emotions. I don't like fighting. I watch romantic comedies. I watch adventures where fighting involves fun acrobatics and killing monsters and demons.

What finally drew me to consider watching Moonlight, however, was actually quite superficial: Raymond Lam. I found the subtheme he sings for the series. I listened to it. And then I checked out some first thoughts and impressions from Hong Kong's viewers and their praise. And then I thought about the much better role Ray has been given. And then on a whim, I watched the first episode.

I was amazed. After one, I couldn't stop and kept right on watching through. There's so much beauty to this so called "sequel" to Heart of Greed. Moonlight gives off a feel similar to nostalgia. We keep getting glimpses of very heart-warming scenes of our lovely family from the past. We get a lot of reminiscing. We get a lot of family values thrown at us. And most importantly, character interaction is wonderful. Ray does excellently as the elder brother of the second part of the broken family. Tavia Yeung is wonderful as the adopted daughter who can't seem to figure out her own place in the family. Even Fala Chen portrays her mute youngest sister role adorably.

I've yet to grasp the rest of the family members, but I can sincerely tell that Lee Si Kei is yet again at the utmost best as the mother who just wants to preach family values and keep her children together. Moses Chan's character is creepy, smooth, and hilarious at the same time. Linda Chung hasn't really struck me as anything extraodinary yet, but this is because I didnt' get to see all of her emotional break downs in the predecessor. This is Michelle Yim's second villain role that I am aware of and she is, as usual, excellent with her portrayal. Although she could lose the hair.

I think the main plot of the series has yet to reach its central arc. I look forward to it and I also look forward to how this series will end off. As a hopeless romantic, I also look forward to how the two sets of romances will play off. Our newest TVB golden couple Raymond Lam and Linda Chung are both going to be paired up together as Ah Ho and Ah Chau, but along comes Bosco Wong in his suave and debonair doctor role to sweep Ah Chau off her feet. A nice little triangle ensues, and to boot, Ah Chau and Ah Ho are actualy supposed to be step-siblings! O.o!!

On the other side, adopted daughter Tavia Yeung and eldest son Moses Chan are supposed to be yet another pair a la Ah Yeut and Ah Ka until Auntie Sa's rambunctious daughter Ka Mei comes into the picture.

Looks like we've got quite a bit of romantic, yet socially incestual fun to come. But as long as our favorite characters are paired together, the fans won't really care, right. I'm looking forward to see how these people end up resolving these romantic conflicts as well as bypassing all those social barriers that will be in their way. Ah Yeut and Ah Ka have been siblings since they were little-- how are people going to respond if they suddenly find themselves romantically attached to each other? And as for Ah Ho and Ah Chau, they grew up together as best friends, and then Ah Chau's mother steals the position of wife, thus turning the two into step-siblings of which they never wanted in the first place. Throughout the entire series, they are continuously struggling to overcome this social barrier which they don't even view as in existence. Everyone else around them, however, find it necessary to constantly remind them that they are indeed step-siblings, even if they were separated after custody was given to the parents, and even if they grew up as best friends instead of siblings.

Currently at episode 15, I'm looking forward to seeing more and more of this.

And so maybe I might end up preparing a blog just for TVB... but I really doubt I'll do that.

So Totally Blah...

So here I am, surfing the internet through blogs that I check out irregularly -- while also trying to study and imitate brush up on good blogging skills for my alternate universe fan blog -- when I realize that something is utterly annoying me. And it still is. I realize that I have absolutely no idea why my computer (and thus my work station/get away from people in the house haven) is sitting in my brother's room. And thus I am not away from people and have to share my "get away from people haven" with my brother.

I'm a little irritated.

It would be nice if I could waste away my time in the privacy of my own room for my own purposes. (Do you have any idea how much anime and other I could have watched by now if I were in my own room?) And mostly, it is quite hard for me to concentrate on other things when the little brother decides that he wants to blast, quite loudly, on his laptop the makings of a good movie that I want to watch, but cannot, because that would require getting up and walking over to "his area" and seating myself on an unconfortable two foot table to watch the movie on his laptop.

So instead of sharing the wealth a la watching the movie on a television, expertly placed within his room so that all can see, he watches his movies on his laptop, where only he can see and the audio sucks anyway. This is either (A) because he doesn't want to get up off of his already lazy ass to stick the DVD into the X-box, or (B) just to spite me. As much as I'd like to believe that the first option were true (which it is 100%) I'm also sure that the second choice comes as a bonus.

The second most irritating part of having my computer conveniently placed in his room makes for staying up way late into the late-late non-existently-late hours of the wee night to surf the internet/surf forums/watch anime/ready random crap very hard to do. Out of some unfounded respect or common courtesy to the little punk, I try to leave his room when he goes to sleep so that I don't bother him. That, and he tends to toss and turn in his bed and I opt not to tell him to quit it as it is quite annoying -- and because this is his room after all.

And what is keeping me from moving everything out of his room and back upstairs into the privacy of my own. The computer that I am currently making use of was bought by His Little Highness. And I don't think that I'll be able to make up some good excuse for wanting to switch back to the old one I've been using, or to take away his money from him. I feel wretched for even using something that he paid good money for, but in the long run, I think I didn't really have much of a choice.

The boy kind of just went out, bought it, then installed it in the spot where I currently sit (though I don't know why I never moved), and claims that now he can watch movies from this high-tech computer while four-boxing on his computer, second computer, and laptop a la MMORPG of EverCrack 2.

So I feel kind of stuck.

At least until I can find some way out of this mess. Like for instance, maybe one day sneaking my lovely comp up to my own room and then laying down a thousand dollars for the sneaky twit so that I can go about my own life in private... I no longer join him in the good ol' EverCrack 2 pilgrimages and thus should not feel obligated to remain where I am.

And yet... somehow, I'm still here.

It makes me wonder about myself.

Quiz Time!

You are "Sleeping"

What Japanese Smiley Are You?

Heh, I'm sleeping... This is so like me.

In Other News

Through Me chapter 19 has been posted now. This is just a tad bit of little news as the ending of this chapter made me want to see into the future to find out what would be happening next.

Have I mentioned that I really, really love this story. Maeven gives just the right amount of comedy, romance, and drama to make you want to keep reading and re-reading it. I absolutely adore the two main characters Adel and Tristan and wish I could have a nice visual of them. In my mind, I can only half-ass an absolutely hunky, good-looking, and charming young high school boy as the great Tristan Harland. But I can't do much else about the image.

Everytime Maeven updates another chapter it makes me want to go back to all of my unfinished writing and do something about them.

In fact, I have one newest creation which may or may not be completed soon because it'll be my very first long-short story that I care to write at all. It'll be a cheesy romance for the young teenage girls, but it'll be a first... hopefully. Cause I've really only written the first part and I need to quickly figure out how to go about the second half.

*sigh*

I feel like I'm about to strangle myself. I'm so pathetic.

A New Addition to the Abyss... Pt. 3 (final)

As it is August 1, 2008, I would like to officially announce the launching of my newest blogging career (which may or may last long):

anicabyss - animanga zone

For those of you who care, this is the place where I will officially post all opinions, news, and discussions of all things anime. For those who don't care, don't worry about it.

As of today, all posts that have to do with anything anicabyss will stop appearing on Abstract Abyss and be contained within the new zone.

This concludes the very short, very limited follow-up of anicabyss and if all goes smooth-sailing from now on, then all shall be great and I won't complain too much about my real life in Abstract Abyss.

Please feel free to comment on my half-baked, long-winded postings. Contructive criticism is always welcome.

Thanks in advance for your time and your suggestions.

Birthday and a Pink Escalade... and Food.

Today is my mother's birthday, so here's a shout out to her. And as it IS my mother's birthday, I'm not really allowed to tell anyone how old she is. Let's just say she doesn't look a day over forty. But then again, a lot of people say that Asian women age beautifully... so beautifully that you can't even tell they're aging.

My first thought: "Like elves?"

But anyway, I digress.

For today, I was unceremoniously awoken at 9:30 this morning (yea, I know that's not early, but it still leaves me tired when I have cases of insomnia) and our family left for Oklahoma for dim sum at the Grand House restaurant. Only four of us went, because two of my brothers had to work today and so they get whatever leftovers we manage to bring home from Oklahoma.

Little did we know that dim sum is only served during the weekends at the Grand House and thus we had to settle for ordering regular Chinese-American food that you can get at any regular restaurant here at home. Nonetheless, food was good and we spent the next hour shopping for stuff you can't get back home so as to fill up our "in case of apocalypse" freezer storage.

Our findings were quite fruitful and I found out that Pocky can also come in giant form. I wish I had a picture of them. In fact, I wish I would have bought some because I've grown quite attached to Pocky... like chips but less greasy and better tasting.

The drive to Oklahoma was nearing two and half hours, maybe more. The drive back was no less time and I realized just how much discipline it takes to stay still in one spot for two and a half hours without blinking or moving. I was struggling to keep my eyes open by the time we hit the turnpike and I was relieved to see the nice big "Welcome to Wichita" sign.




Along the way, while everone was sleeping, I saw what looked like a pink SUV coming up behind us. "Pink SUV?" I thought, "couldn't be." And then it pulled passed our van and I realized that I wasn't seeing things. It was indeed very carnation pink.

"Who in the hell drives a pink--?" My answer came when I noticed the very small, very fancy label of Mary Kay on the bottom left of the trunk. Of course, Mary Kay. I was a little intrigued, because honestly, even if you are from Mary Kay, who in their right mind would drive a pink SUV?

Anything is possible, I guess.

On a side note, while pulled passed a weigh station I saw a huge truck sporting a giant brass buffalo statue. I wish I could have gotten a picture of it as well, but by the time I realized what was on that truck, I'd already driven right passed it. It was another of life's wonders I guess.

All-in-all, the day was interesting. I'm completely pooped and feel like I need to sleep, but really now, what does sleep accomplish anyway?

Calling all Simpletons

"Yea, that's what I said... now carry on."

Lately, this is somewhat how I'm feeling. I talk, and people just kind of look at me funny. And that's when I wonder, "Do I really sound like an idiot 99% of the time when I speak?" And if I do, then why insist that I talk at all?

People confuse me regularly. And I have my moments where I am very, very easily confused. I'm a very straight-laced person with a mind operating on the most simplistic level you could probably find in society today. Everything is either up or down -- things in between are debatable and may be subject to scrutiny

But now I'm starting to get off topic... not that there really was a topic in this post to begin with. And thus here I am confusing the heck out of myself. I'm great, aren't I?

For the past couple days, maybe weeks, I've been endlessly floating around without any desire or any motivation to come up with something to do with the rest of my life. I become excited when I pick up my paycheck, then I stop to realize I've been cheated of my hard work because I'm not being paid enough for what I do. I make absolutely not 100% effort to change things as I probably would have done about six years ago before I started higher education.

Life is full of stupid twists like that.

Where I had fully wanted to make sure my future was set, I ended up screwing myself over even more than I expect. Where I wanted to work hard to accomplish something very significant for my well-being, I end up accomplishing absolutely nothing of significance. And when I think about where I want to go with my Bachelor of Science degree in Forensic Science of which I had really learned absolutely nothing, I can only think of full-time, underpaid positions in retail or the commonly found bitchwork associations.

Why do I even have this degree? And then why do people insist that I only need a degree to get someplace and then immediately shun me when they find out I have no field-related experience? If you really wanted me to have experience to ride this ride, then why didn't you just say so in the first place and spare me some unneeded despair and time wasting?

And lastly, why do things have to be so hard when it comes to me wanting to do something that I want to do for myself?

And so whenever I open my mouth to speak, words come out, but maybe they just sound entirely alien.

So I've been thinking...

Hehe, that's an understatement... and at the same time quite some progress.

I check my email constantly, everyday and probably every hour for updates in everything I need to know. My career options, my friends' comments (like I really have any who'll write to me), and then some news updates from fansites... and then most importantly, the update of the next chapter for my current obsession of original writing, Through Me by Maeven.

The newest chapter has been updated finally and each time she updates, I leave her story feeling extremely content.

As a follow-up, after reading her update notes, I realize just how long of a road I have to go just to catch up to her. I like to write for myself, but not once have I been able to even establish the plot of my stories before I lost motivation or come to a stop where I'm unsure of where to continue on.

I have a very bad habit of following my train of thought and pounding out page after page of work until I come upon a part of my plot that just doesn't seem to fit. And so instead of working around what I've already written, I stubbornly go back and change something, which in turn somehow always changes everything. And so I have reread the whole ordeal to decide whether I really want to keep that change, find another place to change, or go with the new change and rewrite the whole fiasco.

I'm horrible.

I tried a new tactic to my writing a while back by outlining some important factors and going from there. But that hasn't seemed to work either as I realized that I've successfully confined myself to a set plot and when I don't have anything to write for a specific part of my outline, I'm stopped once again.

But what nonsense am I spouting right now?

I love to write, but when the idea comes around to writing and then sharing, I never think my material is good enough for others to see. So I purposefully go back and find flaws with my entire storyline and somehow convince myself that I need to rewrite the whole thing. It's a vicious cycle, because no matter what route I take, I end up going back and rewriting something. Or stopping completely.

I'm a little disappointed in myself. Somehow, I'd love to rewind back to my old fanfiction writing days where I seemed to be able to spit out chapter after chapter without regard to how people will really like it. But at least then, I was motivated to continue writing.

And now a stupid revelation: maybe I should just start posting the first few chapters I've managed to write of something. Because if I do that, I'll get some encouragement (or flames) from readers and decide from there if I want to continue the story at all. I did that when I wrote fanfiction, but my goal after I gave up on fanfiction was to at least write 50% of my story before even showing it to anyone. Because when 50% is written, I somehow believe I won't irrationally go back and change something on impulse that could change the whole story. The plot will be set in stone and I can't go back.
(Editing is option, of course.)

But anyway, now that my post has gone this far, I need to wonder what it is exactly that I'm trying to do. I feel like I just rambled a whole load of bull and that I need to step down for a while and recollect all of my thoughts.

A New Addition to the Abyss... Pt. 2

So it seems the idea of having my very own otaku-- I mean, an anime and manga fansite is slowly becoming closer to a reality.

The very first post to anicabyss details a few goals and describe just what exactly anicabyss is about. This can be found here. And just as I had mentioned in that post, there is a very likely chance that the very first feature of anicabyss will by launched/posted on August 1. This is my goal.

Until then, a lot of other features are slowly being written and edited, and re-edited once again. A lot of other features, such as a few First Impression posts, some Reviews, and a long detailed Thoughts post has been finished and are ready for go. Sadly, however, I wanted to start my anicabyss off with a bang and so I am currently giving myself a headache over what feature I'd like to launch anicabyss on.

Aside form that little dilemma, I'm starting to think that I want to merge Thoughts and Reviews into the same type of post as both detail my personal opinions on both specific anime and manga series. The only difference from one and the other is that Reviews are over series that I've finished viewing, and Thoughts are over those that I have yet to complete (due to various reasons). More than likely, I'll start the blog off on having them be separate features and then merge them as I continue to read and watch more manga and anime, respectively.

But anyway, enough of my rambling. As of August 1, all posts about anicabyss that are not related to Abstract Abyss will be posted on anicabyss. In this way, Abstract Abyss can and will remain a more personal and reality-based blog for myself. So this and the last post, including one more in the future on the day of anicabyss's official launch will be the only posts detailing anicabyss information.

Because of my own reasons, I prefer to separate reality from my otaku world. It's safer that way, cause otherwise, ani goes amuck and may harm innocent bystanders.

So, until August 1, look forward to the launch of a new world.

A New Addition to the Abyss... Pt. 1

Whenever I read though other people's blogs, I always have the strong urge to have my own. And so now I have one. I can randomly spew nonsense and not care about other people's criticism. After all, everything I write is a product of my own personal opinion, right?

On top of having a blog, I also enjoy talking about the things that I like. The books that I read, the movies that I watch, and the writings that I create are all things I'd love to discuss with other people. However, being an adult and a college graduate sometimes makes me feel like I should focus on other much more productive activities -- such as finding a job as of present. But I've presently found that I need a reason to be able to separate my real life with the life I like to immerse myself into regularly to forget about my real life.

After all, I've always loved to live in my own made up little world. My friends tell me that I live in my own little world. And they really just don't know how true that really is.

But to make a long story short, what this post is really about is my need to add a couple extensions to the Abyss. Pending a good name and title for these extensions, I will be creating separate pages for my newest obsessions and some of my older obsessions-- really they're just places where I can talk about things that I don't really get to talk about in real life with my friends since none of them seem to have these same interests as me. So things such as movies, books, and television reviews and discussions will be addressed in separate blog pages for the purpsoe of separating this real life, my Abstract Abyss, with my other world, possibly titled 'Another Abyss'... or whatever. And if courage serves, I may be able to post up original writings as well...

Oh yea, and I will faintly admit that I'm an a phase of otaku-ness as of current. So anime and manga will also be on the dinner menu. If you don't know what otaku is, you're probably better off not knowing.

Penguins in a Row

So this is kind of what happens when a bunch of penguins become overwhelmed with work.

And as you can guess, I am not exactly in this picture, but I was at the scene... after all, someone had to take the picture, right?

This photo was actually taken a long time ago, but it's fun to share things like this, no? hehe

My... Day

Cars are not my friend.

Technically, the rain today wasn't so nice either, but I like the rain and I like to think that the rain likes me too. So I hold nothing against the rain.

However, I've learned something very important (that I've probably already known but forgot). Basically, when you tell yourself aloud that it isn't going to rain, then it will most certainly rain. Of course, this could just be me since every force in this world is dead set on proving me wrong when I'm certain of things.

And so I got to work this morning and decided that it's a fairly good and sunny day. "It doesn't look like it'll rain," I say to myself. And I leave my front windows cracked enough to keep my car cool. All is fine and dandy as I head into work and start to prepare all the necessary items for my outside catering job today. I'm heading out to our company's catering van to load up and I notice that it's sprinkling. But would you guess that the first thought in my mind is not that my front windows are down, but that I would have to load and unload all my things while it's raining.

I think nothing of it. It's only lightly sprinkling anyway. I load up the van, climb into it and start the engine. When the van didn't start to move after I put it in reverse should have been the first clue that something was wrong. But I persist. The vehicle just needs a little pep, I think and so I hit the gas and back the van out of it's hidey-hole parking space and out into the drive. The van is veering left for some sort of unknown reason. It never crosses my sleep-deprived mind that something is really wrong with the van. And while I'm driving down the street, the van is jittering really hard and pulling left the whole way. And so partway to my destination -- which isn't far, mind you -- I pull the van to the side of the road and then get out.

I have a flat tire.

Imagine my unsurprise. I knew that something was wrong, but it never once did cross my mind that something was really terribly wrong. Worse yet, it's still raining and getting worse as I stand there on the side of the road trying to figure out what to do next.

Thank what may that cell phones exist and that I had at least enough sense to bring mine with me -- although the reason behind me having a cell phone with me had absolutely nothing to do with "in case of an emergency flat tire" circumstance. I merely needed to be able to tell the time because the place I've been catering at has no clock.

The rest is history. I call back to the hotel where I work and tell them that I'm stranded and would someone please come and pick up my dumb ass. Somehow I got a flat tire -- I'm too embarrassed to tell them that I think I may have had it before I even left the hotel's premises, because I really should have checked before getting in the van first, right? And then I finish up my catering with the help of the bellmen of the hotel with their nice little nicely driven vans.

And in the middle of the day while I am worrying more about the flat tire on the catering van and how I'm going to finish off this catering job without any flaws... I finally realize that my front windows are down and it is now pouring rain like some sort of waterfall.

Has anyone ever mistaken me for an idiot? I think now is the time to start.